I read a PTSD article from Psych Central's newsletter stating that even for some that weren't involved in the terror of 9/11; that the ten year anniversary coverage may cause one suffering with PTSD to experience extra anxiety or exacerbation of symptoms during this time. Before reading the article, I noticed two days ago that when a morning program came on with mention of a subway car operator, suffering from PTSD that picked up passengers before the towers fell, whom suffers with survivor's guilt; caused me to tear up and become overly emotional. I am very vunerable and quite easily distressed when faced with difficult or stressing situations and with the pending, endless news coverage that will occur on that date; I fear how it will effect me.
Currently, I am experiencing daunting and horrific nightmares and also had certain situations trigger raw memories and emotions. I can't always prevent these occurences from happening; since triggers aren't always avoidable. I dislike having no control over what sets me off. I feel as though I have to stay on constant alert and be prepared for the worst when it comes to triggers and the struggle of diffusing them.
I mentioned to my therapist there is a film I want to see that is due out very soon. I like the work of one of the actors in the film and since it is a remake of a 70s film; I have become aware that there is an explicit rape scene. Since this is an element that I have disturbing nightmares of; I have to stop and reason it out as to whether I feel it is worth the risk of exposing myself to disturbing and potentially dangerous material that may in turn cause my depression, anxiety, fear and PTSD to worsen or if it is in my best interest to avoid the film entirely.
I feel less than an adult and hate having to handle myself with kid gloves on issues and topics that at one point in my life, didn't affect me as it does now. I addressed my doctor today about my constant nightmares and how they are affecting me; causing me to fear going to sleep in turn making me have issues of insomnia or when I do succumb to sleep I regrettably and undoubtedly have nightmares of someone either trying to kill me, actually killing me, or raping me. I voiced to her I do not want to rely on sleeping medication in order to sleep without remembrance of any dream or nightmare. Her suggestion to me is to take a sleeping pill nightly even if it is for a month's time in order to gain restful sleep, in the hopes that once I've obtained restful sleep for a period that hopefully it will lessen the nightmares.
I know I have too high of expectations of myself and what I mentally feel I should be able to accomplish; beyond what I am truly able to do. I think back on the person I once was and it baffles me why is it so impossible to once again become that person? Is is mind over matter? And if I could alter my way of thinking, could I in fact change my mental state? It seems as though it should be so simple yet it is anything but simple.
Currently, I am experiencing daunting and horrific nightmares and also had certain situations trigger raw memories and emotions. I can't always prevent these occurences from happening; since triggers aren't always avoidable. I dislike having no control over what sets me off. I feel as though I have to stay on constant alert and be prepared for the worst when it comes to triggers and the struggle of diffusing them.
I mentioned to my therapist there is a film I want to see that is due out very soon. I like the work of one of the actors in the film and since it is a remake of a 70s film; I have become aware that there is an explicit rape scene. Since this is an element that I have disturbing nightmares of; I have to stop and reason it out as to whether I feel it is worth the risk of exposing myself to disturbing and potentially dangerous material that may in turn cause my depression, anxiety, fear and PTSD to worsen or if it is in my best interest to avoid the film entirely.
I feel less than an adult and hate having to handle myself with kid gloves on issues and topics that at one point in my life, didn't affect me as it does now. I addressed my doctor today about my constant nightmares and how they are affecting me; causing me to fear going to sleep in turn making me have issues of insomnia or when I do succumb to sleep I regrettably and undoubtedly have nightmares of someone either trying to kill me, actually killing me, or raping me. I voiced to her I do not want to rely on sleeping medication in order to sleep without remembrance of any dream or nightmare. Her suggestion to me is to take a sleeping pill nightly even if it is for a month's time in order to gain restful sleep, in the hopes that once I've obtained restful sleep for a period that hopefully it will lessen the nightmares.
I know I have too high of expectations of myself and what I mentally feel I should be able to accomplish; beyond what I am truly able to do. I think back on the person I once was and it baffles me why is it so impossible to once again become that person? Is is mind over matter? And if I could alter my way of thinking, could I in fact change my mental state? It seems as though it should be so simple yet it is anything but simple.
