BlondeBarbie50
New Here
Hey, guys...I wanted to share my story because reading others' stories and knowing I'm not alone has been a huge help in my personal healing process. I would really enjoy any insight and advice from people who have been either sufferers or supporters of people with PTSD, so let me start from the beginning…
I started talking to this man right before St. Patrick’s Day of this year. He is 33 and served 19 years in the Army; he became a civilian in Nov. 2011, and his current rank is Major General. It started out as multiple text conversations and quickly turned into long hours on the phone at night. It was amazing how our brains thought the same way and we finished each other’s sentences all the time. We were both so fascinated with each other that we decided to meet for the first time on March 20. I suggested we go out, but he wanted to do something low key so I just went over to his house…we cuddled, watched a movie, and kissed a lot.
We both were falling hard and fast for each other (which I personally NEVER do), and he was VERY open with his feelings from the beginning. However, he never openly told me that he had PTSD. This became a pattern and over the next several weeks-whenever I got the chance I would go to his house and just chill. I eventually met his roommates and he would cook for me and we would just talk and hang out. We became intimate the 2nd week of hanging out but toward the end the intimacy started to fade—basically it started out hot and heavy and towards the end we would maybe kiss and he would end up falling asleep. We hung out for a little under 2 months, and he only took me out to dinner once and even that didn’t go according to plan. When I arrived that evening, he had been drinking and asked me to drive. I told him I didn’t know where I was going so he said we could just call a cab. It took the cab longer than planned and I noticed him getting irate and somewhat nasty to the dispatcher which sent up some red flags but I just brushed it off. I also noticed some memory loss—conversations we had had or plans we had made that he had no memory of. As the weeks continued I noticed that he drank quite a lot and one evening I came over and he was pretty much passed out drunk (real quality time together let me tell ya).
Things moved very quickly which is so out of the ordinary for me. I usually have my guard up for fear of getting hurt again but with him I just felt so comfortable and safe that I just threw caution to the wind and went with my heart for once! He would mention going to GA to meet his parents, he came over to meet my parents on Easter, he asked me what kind of wedding I wanted, we talked about kids, and toward the end he even mentioned moving in together. Around the 3rd week, he told me he loved me. He would always text or call in the morning, sometime in the afternoon, and right before bedtime. He always said he loved me before he hung up. He asked me to text him when I got home every time so he knew I was safe. He assured me that he was mine and that he was in it for the long haul.
Everything seemed perfect, but there were several occasions where he let me down unintentionally—basically we had a set plan to do something and something always came up and either changed or cancelled that plan. However, he always made time to see me when he could. I talked calmly with him about how I wasn’t really okay with being disappointed and I hoped it wasn’t a pattern. He would say, “I know, baby. I apologize; I do love you.”
Let’s fast forward to this past Wednesday. We had plans to hang out that night. He had the day off from work that day but went down to GA to take care of some personal business. I talked to him twice that day for a while—once when he was driving there and once on his way back. So, that night, I proceeded to get ready to go see him. I had just gotten done and I got a call from him saying his boss (who is also his friend and one of his roommates) had called him saying that one of his employees was having some issues and that he needed to drive to the office and take care of it. He said, “I’m not sure how long this is going to take but just hang tight, and I will give you a call when I’m on my way back to the house.” I was naturally disappointed but I said okay. I waited for a couple of hours and hadn’t heard a word. I checked my Facebook and saw he had made a general post which irritated me. I was thinking, “You have time to play around on FB but not give me a call or text and let me know what’s going on?” I was upset but I didn't say anything and just went to bed. The next morning I get a text around 8:30 saying, “Hey, babe. Good morning! I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you last night. I didn’t get home until about 12:30.” At this point, I was mad, and in my defense I had no idea that he may be suffering from PTSD. So, I responded with “You could have let me know that last night when I was waiting for your call. You have let me down once again…guess I should be getting used to it by now.” Hindsight is 20-20 and had I known even the slightest bit about PTSD I would have responded/reacted a TOTALLY different way.
So, I didn’t hear from him at all again on Thursday. On Friday morning before work, I called and left him a voicemail apologizing for being rude and explaining why I felt disappointed. The day continued and nothing; I began to panic and my thinking was starting to become irrational. Around lunchtime, I saw him on FB, so I called him. No answer-I didn’t leave a voicemail. I started to cry because I just had a horrible feeling that something was wrong. He sent me a text almost immediately after the call that said, “Can’t talk right now. With an interview. Will get back to you a bit later.” So, I said no problem…hope you’re having a good day. Friday night continued—nothing. By Saturday, I was pretty devastated; I just had a sinking feeling that I may never see him again. So, I went shopping with my mom to try and keep busy. I was getting sadder and more depressed with each passing hour I didn’t hear from him. By Saturday night, I was a sobbing mess. I prayed to God for peace and answers. I began researching and figuring out that PTSD may be a STRONG possibility and explanation for his actions.
So, today, Sunday morning at 2:20 a.m., he sent me this text exactly: “I have come to the understanding that you and I cannot be together due to our crazy schedules and because of my constant bulls**t. I’m so sorry for everything and I’m sorry I can’t bring myself to call you to tell you this. I truly apologize.” My heart sank and I have never felt so depressed, lonely, and abandoned all at the same time. I texted him asking if I could get my movies back from his house and heard nothing. Later, I sent him a text saying I would accept his decision but he couldn’t keep pushing people away that truly love him or he would never find happiness. I told him that I loved him as a person and would always be here for him if he needed me.
It is still Sunday, and I have not contacted him at all today. The more I’m learning about this serious, life-changing disorder, the more I know that both the best and hardest thing I can do for now is just give him time and space. It hurt me even more when I saw he was out partying with his roommates for Cinco de Mayo; he doesn’t seem hurt or bothered in the least bit for breaking my heart. I’m not a naïve person at all; I KNOW he still loves me and I’m very much in love with him. He was the man I was SURE I was going to marry and share my life with. Now, all of those plans have just vanished so suddenly. Even though we haven’t known each other very long, he became my best friend and I have never felt so connected to anyone on so many different levels. Even both of our parents had the same exact love song…not even lying…Keeper of the Stars by Tracy Byrd…what are the odds of that?!? I mean, really!! Every other man I have dated, it was so easy to find something wrong with them. With him, I couldn’t find a thing until now, but I still feel like we are soul mates as cheesy as that sounds. My world has been turned upside down. I wrote him a letter after researching about PTSD for countless hours, as part of my closure. The letter just explains my findings on PTSD…letting him know that it does not define him as a person, how much I love him and support him, how I’m here if and when he needs me but I would not initiate contact first, etc.
I love this man with all of my heart and am more than willing to go to treatment and support him through tough times 100%. So, I have several questions for those who have lived or dealt with PTSD firsthand…Do you think it’s his PTSD that’s causing him to withdraw and avoid me or is he just blowing me off for normal reasons? Should I move on or just wait for him…do you think there is ANY way at all that he will come back around or is just waiting around hoping a waste of time? I know without a shadow of a doubt that he loves me. I can not only tell in his words, but more so his actions…the actions BEFORE I sent the nasty text that must have triggered him into withdrawal and avoidance. I don’t see how he’ll ever be happy if he keeps up this pattern, and I just want to share a life with him and support him—for better or worse. Thank you all so much for reading! I would greatly appreciate any and all advice but I prefer advice from people who have experienced PTSD firsthand. I am at an all-time low right now, so any words of encouragement are appreciated as well. Take care!!
I started talking to this man right before St. Patrick’s Day of this year. He is 33 and served 19 years in the Army; he became a civilian in Nov. 2011, and his current rank is Major General. It started out as multiple text conversations and quickly turned into long hours on the phone at night. It was amazing how our brains thought the same way and we finished each other’s sentences all the time. We were both so fascinated with each other that we decided to meet for the first time on March 20. I suggested we go out, but he wanted to do something low key so I just went over to his house…we cuddled, watched a movie, and kissed a lot.
We both were falling hard and fast for each other (which I personally NEVER do), and he was VERY open with his feelings from the beginning. However, he never openly told me that he had PTSD. This became a pattern and over the next several weeks-whenever I got the chance I would go to his house and just chill. I eventually met his roommates and he would cook for me and we would just talk and hang out. We became intimate the 2nd week of hanging out but toward the end the intimacy started to fade—basically it started out hot and heavy and towards the end we would maybe kiss and he would end up falling asleep. We hung out for a little under 2 months, and he only took me out to dinner once and even that didn’t go according to plan. When I arrived that evening, he had been drinking and asked me to drive. I told him I didn’t know where I was going so he said we could just call a cab. It took the cab longer than planned and I noticed him getting irate and somewhat nasty to the dispatcher which sent up some red flags but I just brushed it off. I also noticed some memory loss—conversations we had had or plans we had made that he had no memory of. As the weeks continued I noticed that he drank quite a lot and one evening I came over and he was pretty much passed out drunk (real quality time together let me tell ya).
Things moved very quickly which is so out of the ordinary for me. I usually have my guard up for fear of getting hurt again but with him I just felt so comfortable and safe that I just threw caution to the wind and went with my heart for once! He would mention going to GA to meet his parents, he came over to meet my parents on Easter, he asked me what kind of wedding I wanted, we talked about kids, and toward the end he even mentioned moving in together. Around the 3rd week, he told me he loved me. He would always text or call in the morning, sometime in the afternoon, and right before bedtime. He always said he loved me before he hung up. He asked me to text him when I got home every time so he knew I was safe. He assured me that he was mine and that he was in it for the long haul.
Everything seemed perfect, but there were several occasions where he let me down unintentionally—basically we had a set plan to do something and something always came up and either changed or cancelled that plan. However, he always made time to see me when he could. I talked calmly with him about how I wasn’t really okay with being disappointed and I hoped it wasn’t a pattern. He would say, “I know, baby. I apologize; I do love you.”
Let’s fast forward to this past Wednesday. We had plans to hang out that night. He had the day off from work that day but went down to GA to take care of some personal business. I talked to him twice that day for a while—once when he was driving there and once on his way back. So, that night, I proceeded to get ready to go see him. I had just gotten done and I got a call from him saying his boss (who is also his friend and one of his roommates) had called him saying that one of his employees was having some issues and that he needed to drive to the office and take care of it. He said, “I’m not sure how long this is going to take but just hang tight, and I will give you a call when I’m on my way back to the house.” I was naturally disappointed but I said okay. I waited for a couple of hours and hadn’t heard a word. I checked my Facebook and saw he had made a general post which irritated me. I was thinking, “You have time to play around on FB but not give me a call or text and let me know what’s going on?” I was upset but I didn't say anything and just went to bed. The next morning I get a text around 8:30 saying, “Hey, babe. Good morning! I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you last night. I didn’t get home until about 12:30.” At this point, I was mad, and in my defense I had no idea that he may be suffering from PTSD. So, I responded with “You could have let me know that last night when I was waiting for your call. You have let me down once again…guess I should be getting used to it by now.” Hindsight is 20-20 and had I known even the slightest bit about PTSD I would have responded/reacted a TOTALLY different way.
So, I didn’t hear from him at all again on Thursday. On Friday morning before work, I called and left him a voicemail apologizing for being rude and explaining why I felt disappointed. The day continued and nothing; I began to panic and my thinking was starting to become irrational. Around lunchtime, I saw him on FB, so I called him. No answer-I didn’t leave a voicemail. I started to cry because I just had a horrible feeling that something was wrong. He sent me a text almost immediately after the call that said, “Can’t talk right now. With an interview. Will get back to you a bit later.” So, I said no problem…hope you’re having a good day. Friday night continued—nothing. By Saturday, I was pretty devastated; I just had a sinking feeling that I may never see him again. So, I went shopping with my mom to try and keep busy. I was getting sadder and more depressed with each passing hour I didn’t hear from him. By Saturday night, I was a sobbing mess. I prayed to God for peace and answers. I began researching and figuring out that PTSD may be a STRONG possibility and explanation for his actions.
So, today, Sunday morning at 2:20 a.m., he sent me this text exactly: “I have come to the understanding that you and I cannot be together due to our crazy schedules and because of my constant bulls**t. I’m so sorry for everything and I’m sorry I can’t bring myself to call you to tell you this. I truly apologize.” My heart sank and I have never felt so depressed, lonely, and abandoned all at the same time. I texted him asking if I could get my movies back from his house and heard nothing. Later, I sent him a text saying I would accept his decision but he couldn’t keep pushing people away that truly love him or he would never find happiness. I told him that I loved him as a person and would always be here for him if he needed me.
It is still Sunday, and I have not contacted him at all today. The more I’m learning about this serious, life-changing disorder, the more I know that both the best and hardest thing I can do for now is just give him time and space. It hurt me even more when I saw he was out partying with his roommates for Cinco de Mayo; he doesn’t seem hurt or bothered in the least bit for breaking my heart. I’m not a naïve person at all; I KNOW he still loves me and I’m very much in love with him. He was the man I was SURE I was going to marry and share my life with. Now, all of those plans have just vanished so suddenly. Even though we haven’t known each other very long, he became my best friend and I have never felt so connected to anyone on so many different levels. Even both of our parents had the same exact love song…not even lying…Keeper of the Stars by Tracy Byrd…what are the odds of that?!? I mean, really!! Every other man I have dated, it was so easy to find something wrong with them. With him, I couldn’t find a thing until now, but I still feel like we are soul mates as cheesy as that sounds. My world has been turned upside down. I wrote him a letter after researching about PTSD for countless hours, as part of my closure. The letter just explains my findings on PTSD…letting him know that it does not define him as a person, how much I love him and support him, how I’m here if and when he needs me but I would not initiate contact first, etc.
I love this man with all of my heart and am more than willing to go to treatment and support him through tough times 100%. So, I have several questions for those who have lived or dealt with PTSD firsthand…Do you think it’s his PTSD that’s causing him to withdraw and avoid me or is he just blowing me off for normal reasons? Should I move on or just wait for him…do you think there is ANY way at all that he will come back around or is just waiting around hoping a waste of time? I know without a shadow of a doubt that he loves me. I can not only tell in his words, but more so his actions…the actions BEFORE I sent the nasty text that must have triggered him into withdrawal and avoidance. I don’t see how he’ll ever be happy if he keeps up this pattern, and I just want to share a life with him and support him—for better or worse. Thank you all so much for reading! I would greatly appreciate any and all advice but I prefer advice from people who have experienced PTSD firsthand. I am at an all-time low right now, so any words of encouragement are appreciated as well. Take care!!
