PTSD At 23

[fergusonj28981]

Hi everyone I am a nurse but I do not know a ton about PTSD so I am hoping to get some good advice from those of you who deal with it on a daily basis.

When I was 14 I was raped for 3 months by my teacher and it was rape plus torture you could say. He would do things to hurt me physically beyond the sexual part of it. I also tried to kill myself a total of 3 times. I blacked out a lot of the memories and I honestly can not recall a lot of what happened; however, for about the last year I have been having horrible nightmares but they are memories of what happened that I had blacked out and now they are coming back.

My doctor has me on Klonopin and Triazolam. He said Triazolam is supposed to block out dreams but it is not working. I even have severe flashbacks while I am awake, so bad to point that I act out what is happening in the flashback which I am scared to death is going to happen to me at work or something or end up in me hurting myself if I were to flashback to me cutting my wrist or taking a whole bottle of pills. So does anyone know anything that can help me.

My psychiatrists says this is great that I am remembering because I need to remember to heal but I am becoming more depressed, anxious, and I feel like I am falling apart because of this and I do not want to remember. My brain blocked it out for a reason and that reason is because I can not deal with it. I have been taking pills to stay awake so I won't sleep and dream.

So any advice I am more than open to.

 

[Michel]

Hi fergusonj28981 (what a complex name!). Welcome. I am so sorry you are in this very difficult period right now. Just a few thoughts come to my mind as far as what might help in addition to medication, but I am certain others will have more helpful ideas. First, read through the posts here, new and old, and come to feel that you are not alone in having had an experience as awful as yours was. Become part of this community. Second, if you don't have a therapist as well as a psychiatrist, you might try to find one who is experienced in trauma. She can help you with "coping skills" and help you pace yourself as you deal with the things that have happened in your past. I have found journaling very helpful and have written books and books since I started dealing with the abuse I suffered with my husband.

As for the "acting out" of what you see in flashbacks, I am not at all familiar with this. Maybe someone else has had this experience. I have had panic attacks in which I was terrified I might compulsively, completely involuntarily hurt myself, but it sounds like you are describing something else here. I've also never had problems with nightmares, but I know others here have.

I write I guess mainly to encourage you to keep reading and give folks here a chance to reply. They will.

 

[gdf]

Hi ferguson, welcome. You've come to a good place for help if you are open to hearing what others have to say about their experiences.

I am one of the nightmare sufferers and caused myself a good deal of insomnia over them and would take Klonopin to fall asleep before and during times when I knew I would be around things that were triggers. In flashbacks I have not acted out the scenarios but instead become frozen and inactive...you just kind of get stuck in the terror. I did have a friend, a Viet Nam era vet who told stories about hearing civilian helicopters over head and running for cover because the flashbacks were pretty intense but I think everyone is different. I believe you when you say it happens to you.

I'm with Michel, if you don't have a therapist, one who can really look at trauma (read the threads on therapist/therapy--good and bad for ideas),it sounds like your mind and body are ready to move forward. It will be hard work but unfortunately it is the only way to heal. Many of us "oldsters" have suffered since childhood as you have and I guess I would wish for you to be recovered in your 20's so you may enjoy life while you are young with minimal PTSD issues.

Since we don't know where you are located it is hard to give many tips or ideas for specific help. If you want to reveal a general area like a state or province you may find people throwing out general resources you can contact. Keep safe.

Gina

 

[reallynow]

Hello, I'm sorry to hear about your struggles, I'm also around your age and I also work in healthcare. One thing that has proven pretty effective in treating nightmares specifically for PTSD, is Prazosin. It is actually a drug that was initially developed as a high blood pressure medication but it has proven very effective for PTSD related nightmares. Ask your psychiatrist about this medication, you can google "prazosin ptsd" and there is a scientific study about this which you can print off and show the psychiatrist in case they aren't aware of prazosin.

As for the flashbacks, therapy should help with that and so I'd say it might be helpful for you to find one who has experience dealing with trauma. It is a good thing to remember and flashbacks are a way of our mind trying to get us to re-evaluate it and understand it so that we can eventually put it away. I know it doesn't feel good though. Thats why a therapist can help, they can work through it and your fears with you, and teach you some skills to help you. I hope you find the help your looking for.

 

[clares]

Hey

Sorry to hear about this... I used to suffer alot from bad nightmares about my childhood sexual abuse to.... even today i still get nightmares and flashbacks when i freeze in absoloute terror... One of my therapists gave me a piece of advice which ususally helps...he advised me to spend say two minutes each day thinking about the abuse...so that I was in controll of when I think about it...at the time I wasnt very optimistic..but it has helped...its given me more control...and my nightmares now hardly ever occurr...hope this helps:)

Clares