Ptsd at work

[Deleted member 41765]

I'm wondering how others cope with symptoms in a professional setting?

I had a horrible experience earlier today, and am still trying to reign in the anxiety. I'm a teacher. We brought our students into the city to a state of the art science museum. Half way through our visit we were evacuated due to "an emergency in the building" (this over the loudspeakers coupled with flashing lights followed by sirens). There were throngs of people. I flew into survivor mode, got the kids out of the nearest door and as far away as possible. And then it started, the shaking and difficulty breathing etc., while forcing myself to keep it together for the kids, which I'm told I did for the most part. My colleague later insisted she couldn't tell what was happening with me, which is difficult to believe AND made me regret disclosing my diagnosis even though I trust her (and I do not trust easily). So I can add self criticism to an already treacherous scenario. I feel certain that if I were to look in the mirror right now I'd see the black clouds above my head...

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I think that it was very brave of you to tell her. I also think that in the type of work that you do, it is good for the other staff to know.

I know how that emergency stuff feels in a school (shooter lock down drills are the worst because I imagine it like it is real and feel like I have a better plan to hide the kids then what we are actually doing, or why hide at all in a band hall with a direct exit to get out fast?).

What you experienced is even worse because you were in an unfamiliar place, responsible for young children. That is terrifying even without ptsd. I think that you did the best you could. Your boss will probably research ptsd and possibly make your job even better and give understanding to the hardships you deal with.

 

[Deleted member 41765]

Thank you @TexCat. And yes, even though I've visited this amazing place before, there was definitely unfamiliarity at play, as well as NOT knowing what the emergency was (pretty sure you could guess where my brain went with that one!). Another piece is being responsible for children who have their own fraught emotional landscapes to contend with :(

 

[sara]

When I had a "melt down" in a therapy session years ago and reported to my therapist how embarrassed I felt, she told me she could not tell I was anxious and from her point of view I was just "distressed." In my mind I was a complete MESS, but to her she just "didn't see it." this feed back was especially helpful because it showed me that my perception of my own behavior was not accurate and have challenged myself on it since then.

 

[FragileGlass]

I work in an environment that is both the cause of PTSD and continual stressor. I keep a check list in my pocket for when I start faltering. I deal with frequent Emergency scenarios and occasionally if the stress is overwhelming or out the normal routine it causes a lot of frustration, self doubt, uncertainty and anxiety.

The check list are the basic reminders of my role in the Emergency, basic verbal communication sentences to pertaining to my role in that Emergency, phone numbers, radio call procedures, basic maps, the most important, reminders to take deep breaths, a reminder that I carry Ativan in my lower left pant pocket in case I forget during stress.

I also carry a photograph. The photograph reminds me of why I gotta get through it to get home at the end of the day.

 

[Deleted member 41765]

this feed back was especially helpful because it showed me that my perception of my own behavior was not accurate and have challenged myself on it since then.

Thank you sara, this is helpful. I did reach out again to my colleague and she re-shared both her capacity for knowledgeable compassion, and what she saw in terms of my behavior. I suppose this was an important learning experience.

The check list are the basic reminders of my role

This is an excellent idea! Thank you.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

(((((((((Shiki))))))))

 

[Deleted member 41765]

I began a list this morning.

Item one: Field trips. NEVER AGAIN!

 

[DharmaGirl]

You did well though. It was hard, but do you think there were others who reacted like you did? You can feel proud of yourself for getting the kids out and not running away and leaving them. When I worked in ER, we were debriefed after really horrid or frightening situations. Many people reacted like you after the fact. You did a good job.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I work in an environment that is both the cause of PTSD

That is an incredibly good coping mechanism! I want to go back to work so badly, but I haven't gotten to the point of being able to leave the house every day. I will start doing this, including the ativan, when I go out.

 

[FragileGlass]

That is an incredibly good coping mechanism! I want to go back to work so badly, but I haven't gotte...

Yeah the Ativan reminder has saved me on several occasions in the ER. On the security team we can have multiple events run simultaneously and I'm good emotionally for the most part. In between running to events I pull that check list out just to keep grounded. When I say extreme events, it's multiple casualty, LifeFlight and multiple violent patient scenarios. When triggered by violent episode interaction I have to remind myself on how to address the casualties family members because I'm in de-escalation mode and they definitely don't need me talking to them as if they're violent when they need compassion.

My colleagues know that I do this, they never question my ability to perform, they just know that my adrenaline can leave me emotionally locked and just need the list to refocus my energy.

I'm cheering for you! One day at a time and I hope you can get back to work too but absolutely sympathize with the nervousness! :)

 

[Deleted member 41765]

Yeah the Ativan reminder

This was the second (and more realistic) item .on my list this morning. And thank you @DharmaGirl for the vote of confidence and I certainly agree with @FragileGlass

I'm cheering for you! One day at a time and I hope you can get back to work too but absolutely sympathize with the nervousness!