Ptsd & Church

[Shan-Nav01]

So I've noticed there's a few people on here who go to church, I'm wondering how many people open up to people about their PTSD there?

I'm currently in that situation where I'd love to ask for prayer from people, but I don't know if I want to tell them about it, I'm quite new to the church, and work for it as an intern and will be moving on in September as I go back to uni. It's just a bit of an odd situation to be in. I want to feel like I can be open and honest with people, but I feel like I can't with hiding it. I don't feel like I'll be judged or anything for telling anyone, but I think it will put many of them in a situation where they will want to do something to help, and over step what I'm asking of them, if that makes any sense?!

 

[intothelight]

You can always ask people to pray without revealing anything. Just request that you be kept in prayer, and if you do want to share, only reveal with what you are comfortable with. True prayer is selfless, and those that judge, that is their issue not yours.

 

[HelenB]

I personally am pretty honest with most people, and though I do not go into it with lots of people, do feel for me that it is important to be honest as for me it is part of also allowing myself to actually be real, which is something I had not even allowed myself to do for so long, even though I was not even aware of it at the time, and I know now that I do actually want to be real in my whole life. Obviously as with everything there are boundaries which are in place, and people I will always be more open and honest with than others, but particularly in church I do feel it is important to me, and that people do actually know the real me, and even if it is just saying to them thank you and please can you just pray, that helps. This week for example I really could not face anything at all on Friday and was in a very hard place, and though I did not go into it, I did text the people who I would usually be at house group with and just say sorry I would not make it as it had been a very hard few days with everything coming up and that I would see them soon, One friend emailed and offered if there was anything they could do to help, which I really appreciated, but know I do not want anything more from them than their understanding of the fact that I am having a hard time so could not be there, and their prayers and so just replied thanking them and just saying their prayers were appreciated and that I was OK.

Thats just my personal views for myself, and I know things may be very different for others for very different reasons, but I hope it helps you in some way.

God Bless
Helen

 

[ill]

I think it's fine to say that you're struggling with or have some health issues and would like people to pray for you.

 

[marylouise]

This is an interesting question. I too go to church, and struggle with how much to reveal there to people. Members of my congregation cherish the idea of vulnerability and openness with each other. However, people can be ignorant and judgmental about things they don't understand.

When I was in my early 20s and first going through recovery, I told everybody about my trauma history. I felt like I wanted to disrupt the shame around it by being that open. It was important for me then. But I discovered that not everyone understood or could deal with my truth. Many people have their own issues that they are not dealing with. So I learned to be more private.

I now generally say that I had a very bad childhood, and "I struggle with that sometimes". I might say "I'm struggling now" to solicit prayers. I think being vague and using euphemisms is a good way to get what you need without putting yourself in an uncomfortable situation.

 

[NicG]

I've been at church my whole life, so asking for prayer and that kind of thing is pretty important to me too. Honestly I think it's a lot like other friendship groups, there are some people who can handle it and some people who will not understand. Some people I've asked to pray for me because "I have issues with anxiety", other friends will sit with me and help me calm down if I'm having a panic attack/flashback. I've explained what flashbacks are, and they pray for more specific things for me.

I think that you can be open and honest with individuals at church depending on how much you trust them, and how much they respect your boundaries. The friends who've listened when I've told them the "anxiety" story and who didn't try to "fix" me or do anything that I didn't want them to do earned more of my trust and I opened up to them more. For me there's about 15 people at my church (it's a really big church) who know I have PTSD. Each of them knows different levels of detail about the cause of my PTSD, based on how I much I needed to share with them when I told them, and how much I trust them. In summary I think it's something that depends on the individuals and sometimes testing the water with how much you tell them to pray for you about is still being open, it's just also being cautious!

 

[Reds]

I have not been able to tell anyone at church or in my life. If anything when I am in public I try too hard to act normal and healthy.

I am not sure if I will ever open up to anyone about this. I think you are brave for even thinking of telling people in your church. I think if you are comfortable then you can tell them or you can ask for prayers without revealing it

 

[Sally sue]

Interestingly, I had a panic attack in church today in the narthex...people were having cake, service was over, there was a loud "BANG!" And I froze and stopped breathing, a friend near me immediately realized and started talking me down (one of my traumas was at church so some of the people know and I also try and tell a little about how I might react), then another older woman came over rubbed my back and worked me through some breathing since I had stopped ha argh! Anyway, my trauma story is involved but in this case having some trusted church friends in-the-know really helped me calm down :) For the rest of the community, for me, they don't need to know...I guess it's a as needed situation ha trust is hard for me ;(

 

[scout86]

My own journey towards God has been long and convoluted. We still probably have kind of an unconventional relationship.

My answer to your question would very much depend on the church. The last church I attended, one Sun the preacher got up and spoke on how "you can't be a Christian if you believe in evolution." I ALMOST got up and walked out right then. I did quit going. Not a place that I would have chosen to share ANYTHING.

The church I went to before that, was totally different. I don't believe I had ever seen "joy" before I walked through the doors there. It was a singing, dancing, joyful kind of place. I'm not much on singing & dancing. One day, I mentioned to someone that I was glad to feel so accepted, even though I'm pretty different than most of the members. The woman I was talking to laughed and said, "We have plenty of singers and dancers here. God sent YOU here because he thinks we need what ever it is YOU are." Turned out there were a couple of times when my own background and experiences gave me a perspective that I could offer, that was needed, but no one else had. How cool is that? But, I believe that's the way God works.

If you feel moved to share, do it. Perhaps, though you don't know it now, there is someone there who will be helped by your sharing as much as you will, if not more. IF you really feel it's a safe, non-judgmental kind of place, like it ought to be.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think @scout86 has a unique perspective, though I'm like @Reds . Like anywhere, people are all different. I mostly relied on God so our relationship goes way back. Though I'm also trying to work on feeling that I am off God's radar (or actually, 'on it' but worth nothing). It's hard to believe otherwise for me, yet in other ways I'm wholly-dependent (on God) and one of the few places/ 'spaces' I can find peace or safety or comfort. Go figure. :rolleyes:

Where I think I might be able to help somebody, I just say "I'm really (or intimately) familiar with that (depression/ anxiety/ ptsd/ SI etc).

I think one can be 'real' without divulging (disclosure). I would be HUGELY wary but I'm not you, and that's ok. :) Mind you, what you described above (the response in the narthex) would freak me out from most people. I have church trauma related triggers too. I realize now I can't leave in front of a group or in the midst. That's ok. Now that I realize what makes me feel awful, I don't feel so badly, because I understand and recognize it.

Oddly enough, in my religion there is 'reconcilliation' (confession), being 'real' and knowing there is a seal on confession likely really really helped me a lot. Because I would have thought I would take most things to my grave. Eventually through suicide. (Which yes, because of that (confession) I disclosed). Though it started when I asked for help and thought I was anonymous.Oh my, the internet. :wideeyed: :eek:

Also, the most help I've (ever) had is from my friend (who's a priest), and another priest is very kind.

He said we "aren't that powerful" to make God not love us if that's what He chooses. I think though, to me it is not a 'making' or 'trying' but inevitable. So I 'accept' that (for lack of a better term) about God, but I can't imagine that as per people. And they wouldn't be wrong, and not their fault, just it is so. So no, I (personally) wouldn't disclose.

I wish there was a church-veterans-ptsd group, lol. I think I would feel good there. But I wouldn't qualify either, because I'm not a veteran.

I wish you best wishes @Shan-Nav01 ! Sounds like good friends/ kind people there. It's entirely up to you and what you're comfortable with. :hug:

 

[Shan-Nav01]

Thanks for all the responses!

I think it's helped give coherent words to what I've had floating round my head in a jumbled mess! I think I'm going to hang off for the minute, and if I feel like God is poking me at somepoint to share my experiences with anyone then I will be more wiling to.

One of my traumas happened at a Christian conference last summer, being in church doesn't trigger anything, I'm slightly apprehensive about going back to the conference this year (I'm partly in charge of one of the teams and would be letting the team down if I didn't go back) so at somepoint I'll need to talk to the other team leader there as a bit of a safety net incase I do get triggered, it doesn't completely freak them out! But that isn't likely to happen face to face which makes it much easier.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think that's good @Shan-Nav01 . To be clear my 'traumas' for myself had zero to do with 'church' or the like.

You are brave to return to the place! :tup:

I don't want to sound pragmatic, but I just saw on the news where I live a woman who was a teacher, got diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder. She missed a year of work, and was told upon her return that as she was to work in the 'staffroom' with other staff, though she described herself as neither 'scary nor dangerous', they said the other staff would feel uncomfortable and she would bring down morale. Which doesn't make one feel too good. :( But I think all environments, whether they be church, work etc, have the potential for stigma, and they are microcosms of a greater macrocosm.

As she said, mental illness is not a casserole illness- people don't hear of it and bring over casseroles, cards and flowers. She herself did not receive one call from her workplace, they said she had been a teacher for years.