Sufferer Ptsd,crippling Anxiety

[serena young]

Hello,
I have looked at many forums and have put off asking for advice and additional support but need some reassurance from like-minded people. In 2015 my elderly father was horrifically murdered in a frenzied knife attack. Hence my life has not only been turned upside down and I am consistently having to deal with the aftermath of reports, reviews ect. My trust in the world has been shattered and everything that i believed in I now dont. The only people that I trust are my sons and husband who consequently have been and continuing to be my absolute rocks. But, they don't get it, they don't understand the sheer panic, the way I have now turned into an overprotective shield for them. They can't understand the sheer immensity of the anxiety sweeps that literally overtake me. So, I just needed to speak to those who do get it. Thanks.

 

[J'qel]

No worries hon, we're here.

Also-sh*tty. That's an awful thing to happen, I hope you are safe and can find a safe place to be in.

 

[anthony]

In 2015 my elderly father was horrifically murdered in a frenzied knife attack.

Sorry to hear. Tragic loss like this is a mystery to me, as to why people act like this.

My trust in the world has been shattered and everything that i believed in I now dont.

How so?

the way I have now turned into an overprotective shield for them.

Ok... but just let me add here... what you feel and what you impart within their reality, are two very different things. Your feelings after the fact of your fathers murder will not change the world, nor will you being overprotective change your family in a positive manner. It will likely negatively affect them soon enough... and thus you.

Do you believe you can protect them? Do you believe you can stop them being hurt by being overprotective? What do you think the affect and impact will be for them?

They can't understand the sheer immensity of the Anxiety sweeps that literally overtake me.

They won't. They will feel things differently to you. We're all unique and form our own opinions, beliefs and feelings. Again though, what you feel, immense or otherwise, is something you must deal with at your level, not impart it on them. Lets be honest... we all impart our shit onto those around us. But when our problems are such, it is in our best interest not to negatively impact those around us knowingly.

Are you seeking therapy?

What do you believe can help you not inflict your feelings negatively upon your family based on your feelings of your fathers murder?

 

[serena young]

Hi thanks for replying
My trust has been shattered when I say the world probably more the institutions and systems. My Dad was murdered in a care home by another resident, Dad, I believed was living in a place of safety under the supervision of people that were trained to deal with helping, healthcare and the general well-being of the residents.
Being overprotective of my family, I know is negative and also selfish, but the overwhelming fear of them not being safe and losing them is unbelievable. However, I do know that the possibility of this happening again is minute and my logical side tells me it is impossible to protect everyone without actually damaging them.I am actually managing this better, last year I was constantly phoning my children and it did get to the stage where my eldest son was answering the phone and automatically saying "I'm fine Mum, everything is ok" but these phone calls have reduced and consequently my son has 'actual' conversations with me.
I am currently seeing a therapist, in the beginning, i was receiving CBT and now currently EMDR.
I do 'beat' myself up about how this is affecting my family and have now began to create 'a face' and use it to show some sort of normality but it doesn't mask my feelings from myself. I also know that I have to give myself time to adjust and strengthen my coping mechanisms.

 

[anthony]

Please don't beat yourself up... the aftermath of traumas impact on you is not your fault. Please remember that. You're here and asking... that is a good step in the right direction. Will reply further tomorrow... long day here, going to bed.