Research Ptsd From Domestic Violence - Input Needed Please

[sedna]

@TinkerG I think the weird attachment you have to your abusive ex is really common. Its a symptom of the type of dynamic most of those relationships have. There is a really strong attraction when two peoples dysfunction each facilitate the other persons, and most of it is subconscious. It can feel like a powerful magnet towards pulling you back. Usually its a product of emotional neglect and trauma from when you were really young. I also felt far more traumatized by the psychological and emotional abuse than the physical. I know that sounds strange, but its true. I was able to shut off any feelings for him when he started that because I knew it meant he would eventually be the same with our kids and it made me hate him. Dont ever minimize your abuse because it wasnt physical, cracked ribs heal, your sense of well being and ability to live normally doesnt always get better.

I'm sorry about your memory problem, I have problems with that too but I think it may be just from trauma. I am scared to go to group, its partly why I stared on this forum was to see if I could talk about it at all, and so far I've been over sharing with abandon so I dont know what that means!...thats a whole different thing to worry about. I always feel exposed and slightly sick after I talk. Ive felt like that after a few posts here too. I also have a bad temper like you're describing and can be really aggressive over minor issues, especially with strangers. If someone decides to tell me off over taking their parking space by accident, they'll usually wish they hadnt. I use to be so shy, I couldnt ever assert myself and had really bad boundaries. I dont know what happened, but I have a hair trigger on my temper that seems to be permanent also.

 

[TinkerG]

...I also have a bad temper like you're describing and can be really aggressive over minor issues, especially with strangers. If someone decides to tell me off over taking their parking space by accident, they'll usually wish they hadnt. I use to be so shy, I couldnt ever assert myself and had really bad boundaries. I dont know what happened, but I have a hair trigger on my temper that seems to be permanent also.

I was the same way....very reserved, very quiet, very "bookish"... same problem with the temper...not so sure that is such a bad thing tho... its just self preservation...maybe a little late in the game but still necessary....it does lessen tho or did for me...I seem to be a little calmer now that my attention was drawn to it.

 

[Fadeaway]

While I feel like I could add beneficial insight, I can't say for sure that it was the direct cause of my PT. I had previous trauma, but I don't recall being symptomatic before then. I think it is possible that despite my prior traumas I might have just ended up with bad emotional damage but not full blown PTSD had I never experienced D.V. I just can't say that with 100% certainty.

That said, my worst trauma, was definitely the consequence of domestic violence, as in it led to a chain reaction of events that led to my worst trauma. Meaning my daughter would still be alive had he not stomped on my back while i was laying face down in gravel from being pushed and my stomach taking the brunt of the fall while 6 months pregnant.

Edit to add, according to Social Security Disability my PTSD is the result of D.V. then again though, they made the decision based on police reports and not medical reports.

LOL poor Anthony, I am sure you didn't mean for a pretty clear cut and dry statement to become so complicated.

 

[trying2movefwd]

D.V. triggered my PTSD. I had no symptoms prior to my worst adult encounter with Violence. I was accustomed to violence on a much larger scale as a child, I had thought that my marriage was "better", never mind being raped on a second date, forced to do things I didn't want, threats from his entire immediate family. My D.V. was mostly sexual violence, the worst event being pulled (I feared my arms were going to come out of socket) through my entire house..from one end to the next. I had been yanked out of bed just after having gall bladder surgery. Anyway I was thrown up against the wall directly in front of daughters room. Her door was opened. I thought she was asleep, but the poor child saw the whole thing ( these type of occurrences happened in front of her more than once, I had no idea until well after we escaped and i sought counseling for my kids. ) My wrists were bruised in the process. Plus a gigantic bruise on my leg. After being thrown to the wall, I was thrown into my children's bathroom door (we had two bathrooms )inside the bathroom, i remember this real evil look and then being alone, naked, and slumping down the bathroom door. My thought? "This is all too familiar " . I was in total denial after this "final" incident but I also disassociated for 3 straight days ( i didn't know what it was called then)...It wasn't until I learned that the Father of my child was pleasuring himself next to child in childs bed while watching xxx rated movies on the net that i sought help. The police got involved somehow the surgery rape came up, i said "it isn't domestic violence or anything. " all of a sudden curse words, a huge folder slammed on a desk. Police had me read the law trying to open my eyes. I was still in denial. We seperated. I lived in our house for a while. He started showing up all the time, then came serious threats! I became scared a d when the time was right escaped to a domestic violence shelter. Ended up there for 6 months. He tried to stalk me,stole my facebook account, hacked into my emails between a therapist(he emailed her from MY account ) and myself...caused me to feel intense fear and intense failure, he befriended some of my family trying to look good to them and continued emotional abuse through them. I was blindly married to him 11 years and in relationship 13 years. I figured this was life, it's what i deserved for being such a disgusting person. In time I learned that I was indeed a victim of domestic violence. My x's abuse triggered the PTSD (thank God for the therapist who helped open my eyes)I am not to acceptance yet. I am grieving the relationship and trying to adjust to single parenthood. He has lost privileges and has to be supervised while visiting the children one hour a week. The abuse i endured was almost daily. He would get mad if we didn't have sex at least three times a day. I had to learn that wasn't normal via my T. No wonder I was in pain so much, plus it was forcefull. My kids were often neglected due to that mans issues. There was the yelling, the stalking, the car revving, the threat of taking my life and snatching up the children as well as controlling what i bought, where i was, etc. Thank you for this. I needed these reminders.

 

[Ann Barry]

No abuse, but emotional neglect in childhood. DV in my marriage started on the honeymoon [horror moon]. The jealousy, emotional, verbal & psych abuse were more lasting. Had a few death rides - this definitely cause PTSD because I was terrified & he said "we're going to die". Since then I have great difficulty being a passenger - everybody is a bad driver to me, except me. Yes, this 21 year relationship changed me. After 12 years of no physical violence - Bam! it came back. Didn't realize until after he was dead awhile that I had anxiety every night I was with him - after he had more than 2 drinks, I quietly went to bed. The 3 stages of a narcissistic relationship played out repeatedly: Elevate, Devalue, Discard.

 

[Velvet Steel]

Okay, I'll try to summarize it as best I can.

In my case I had grown up in an abusive home, but not phy...

Thank you so much for sharing this. xoxox