Ptsd Hating It..

[kevinmc]

Yea, to some degree I enjoy some validation to an uncelebrated campaign in territories we were not supposed to be in. Knowing that the life struggles I have been facing for 27 years has ties to my Navy past and explains my current dilemmas and validates the unexplained emotions I have had for many years.
I had many life threatening campaign situations occur that would seem to merit PTSD, yet my haunting is from just a singular event or at least it is at the pinnacle of all the others. I never had classic flashbacks that let me know what I was exepriencing.
I had trouble with a reoccurring dreams sought help from a councilor and now the demon is free to play about my mind at will.
I have tremendous control, I have isolated many of my life's problems one at a time, alcohol, caffeine (anxieties) and anger issues. Now here I am, Not in control, and I am not OK,
Yes I know what I have but it seems to bring more attention to it.
My question...Does it get better after the resurfacing of this crap I am concerned I may melt down.
I recently went to the VA, My therapist keeps me in the dredging mode and I am seeing things I think were stashed for good reason. I am not getting any better. He explained it to me its like a cancer and the longer it had play the more damage it does.
I am coming to understand Triggers.
I am currently working in a rehab same type I ended up in 3 months after the incedent,
This incident occurred in the Gulf of Sydra "Gaddafi, Lybia" with Mohamar in the news it seems just too much,.. the dreams, uncontrolled emotions and isolation.
I lost a friend, I was somewhat responsible, yea I get it. But right now I just need it to go away is there a way to take a break and isolate so I can feel sane again
I have not had a drink in many years and I remember well that is the only thing that helped. So much so that I would drink on antabuse. Now here I am seriously reconsidering that seems about my only viable option/
Do I have to quit work? Find another Job?
Ohhh man I am hating this.
any input is appreciated.

 

[Zipperhead]

It actually helped me allot to get a diagnosis and know what it was I was dealing with. Allot of the pieces fit together as it were. Now that I've started therapy, I'm already in a better place in many ways. The only negitive? Well, it is true that now, when I'm in situations that use to trigger me, it's almost like I have an excuse now to not try. So I guess I can understand what you mean when you ask is it worth it. And yet, in allot of ways, I'm already dealing better, I'm just more contious now when I'm triggered, so it seems like it's getting worse.

 

[Jimmy1]

My question...Does it get better after the resurfacing of this crap I am concerned I may melt down.

Kevin,

We as veterans were trained to be in life threatening situation. We were trained to kill, and we were trained to not feel any emotion associated with it. Most veterans with PTSD have a singular event which haunts them the most though, and the term 'Post' dictates that the symptoms and effects of that trauma can show its head anytime in th future. The problem is that you might have only had thoughts surrounding that one incident when in reality trapped underneath all the other shit might be other traumas. Well that is what I found anyway.

In answer to your question, the answer is yes. If you can bear the grief associated with reliving the events then the more you expose yourself to it the less harsh the emotions associated with it will become. The memory never goes away. The whole theory behind therapy is to treat the emotions surrounding it. That is why they have so many different methods. Brainspotting, EMDR, and plain old CTP.

For me, I have dealt with a lot of my traumas and can usually handle actually talking about them now, however, they still give me a little grief, but they don't shut me down for days on end like they used to.
I still get anxiety and other associated symptoms that go hand in hand with PTSD, but they I am managing to live with.

I too took the bull by the horns and managed major issues in my life. I gave up popping pills, alcoholism, marijuana addiction, and tobacco. But when it comes to anxiety and anger issues, I don't have the control I want.

Every now and then though a trigger will come out of nowhere and remind me of a place in time where something occurred. You can never be ready for every single situation, its just a matter of how you handle it at the time.

Sorry if my reply is all over the shop, but its just the way it is with me. Hope you can make some sense out of it.

Welcome to the forum though. We have a shitload of info in the articles section which is a good read, and a lot of the guys can help with how to tackle certain situations. In the end its up to you mate.
We have some veterans who come on here with the mindset that nothing can help them. If you keep an open mind its surprising what you can learn.

Hope to hear from you more.

Jimmy

 

[kevinmc]

TY Both, I don't intend to sound negative.
I have lost a lot of hope in recent weeks of getting this under control. it seems to be getting away from me and I now know why I feel I may "POP". I read the article about good and bad stress filling the cup allegory. The spiral I am in is feeding on itself, I can see that now my lack of sleep and night terrors and work stress are flowing over and I now have stopped attending church or anything that incorporates additional social stress, at the consequence of finding peace and hope. It is much easier to lay in bed and feel sorry for myself.
I can feel my heart beating as my pulse increases thinking about the issues that bother me as I right you in this forum, I feel I want to talk about it but doing so seems to worsen my spiral.
I haven't had these emotions for years, In fact they seem more powerful now than then. I knew I had some issues when I saw Blackhawk Down 10 years ago ?and I was amped out of my gourd for 3 or 4 days accompanied by the night terrors. I don't have a good plan or path I just feel lost and I am almost certain my Vet Center counselor doesn't know what he is doing. I have medical training and have since been reading a great deal on this it seems he isn't realy following a program. But then again I never can compose myself for more than 10 to 15 minutes.
I am also excusing myself because of a diagnosis that supposedly makes since of my wanting to stay in bed, or to snap at my wife like I just did. I am looking for hope and I am finding it in many of your posts.
TY for that...

 

[Ned]

Morning Kevin. It's good you can see the hope in the posts. And there are a lot of solid examples of how a bit of good help made the all-important difference. So keep reading, and keep talking. Welcome.

 

[Jimmy1]

Kevin,

Isolating yourself is actually good therapy to get your head in order. We all need to do it from time to time. In a way its protecting ourselves and everyone else from 'The Beast'.

But its actually important to reintroduce yourself back to church and other social events. Just not while your cup run-eth over.

Otherwise you end up like a hermit and the only safe place will be your home. I used to go home, pull all the blinds, shut all the doors and windows, put the aircon on, put a mattress in front of the tv and get stoned or drunk.

Now all those habits are gone, but I still need isolation time. It might be 20 min and up to a whole day sometimes. I know a lot of veterans who are managing their symptoms quite well yet still need a day every now and then. Its good for the sole.

You welcome here mate and if you have any questions or just want to vent, go for it. Someone will be on the other end for support or friendly ideas.

But always remember, they are just opinions and experiences. I think the only one I know of who has done real study is Anthony the site creator and founder.

Welcome again.

Jimmy

 

[Anglesachse]

Morning Kevin,

and I now have stopped attending church or

I reckon this is gonna sound wierd to a few lads on here but here goes anyway, maybe it`ll help.

When I was a kid my folks were very CofE Anglicans, every Sunday we would be at a service, I was even in the Choir (oih! I heard ya laughing) any way

I am by no means a Christian, I found my own thing to stand me by years ago, something that fits me and makes sense to me, something I can relate to. While I was serving though we used to often have a Drum Head service for onething or another, be it 11 Nov, or someone had paid the ultimate price, and even Regimental and Corps days, and everybody would go, no if`s no but`s, no religion as such, just everyone for everybody.

Even when on Tour on Ex. we would charp up with "Amazing Grace", "Jerusalem" or "I vow to thee my country" from time to time just to lift spirits, drag the moral out of the festering wet coldness. Well I was speaking to my Therapist a few sessions back and she mentioned that singing puts you in a happier mood, all to do with receptors in the brain stuff, and release of Stimulants in the body. Any way, I had a chat with our local Salvation Army guy and they hold a service once a month in the local Red Shield Cafe, and welcomed me along, Ok it is a Religious Service but I go purely for the Hymns and with it being a Military based service, for the lads. And it does do me good, but it also brings memories to the surface and it`s not seldom that while I am doing the singing that a tear will appear. I still stand at the back hiding in "MY" secure corner wating for the beast to happen, but for me it does more good than I would have thought. It realy does release something. Only once a month mind, I couldn`t cope with a full blown German Civvie or Brit Military Service each weekend. To many bods, and to much stimuli, that would crash me.

Hope it helps and makes sense.

Hang in there brother, Once you realise you can tell when the bastard is coming you realise that you can do something to help cope. Like a few have said, It`s by no means easy, But and there is allways a but. It can be done.

 

[Fargo1]

Welcome Kevin,

Being that I only admitted that I had PTSD about seven months ago and sought therapy, I can tell you that for me the beginning was a terrible bitch. So much so that I almost gave it up. But this site here saved me, made me keep on at it and it does get better brother. It is kinda like when you are in Boot cranking out 1,000 jumping jacks by the four-count.

I am doing better myself. I am actually able to go into a restaurant now without losing my damn mind. But there are still times, like this last week, when I can't sleep, the nightmares roll and the anxiety is high. But I have learned orientating techniques, calming methods, and have a good therapist to talk to. And of course all these guys to keep me in check.

Again welcome and hang in there.

Fargo