Do you happen to replace the drugs and alcohol with sex?
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As does really hardcore workouts which flood the body with endorphins. I have found this to help. For the sake of my family I have found other ways to cope.
Unfortunately, yes. If conflicts with my religious beliefs. My spiritual director assures me it's not a spiritual problem but a medical one.
When I rejoined the National Guard in 2003, the MEPS staff ignored most of my problems as I was told they are easier on prior service. I slipped through the cracks and really wasn't truthful about my problems mostly because I was still in denial. So when I reached my local unit, I attempted to get back into shape. But the pain became unbearable. I managed to get to passing pushups and situps, but never the run. During the entire time I spent there I remember looking for an excuse to admit myself to the mental hospital because I felt crazy. The urge to want to die increased more than it already felt.
One of the SFCs was sexually harassing a private (I hoped he was just joking hard). But all it did was trigger me continually so I hid it the best I could out of fear of being labels a wimp of an NCO. I was shocked at the improper behavior of that NCO, who is now a recruiter I read somewhere. I tried to stop him which only resulted in very negative consequences directed towards me. It reminds me of Abu Ghraib. To skip details I was issued a Stop Loss with an alert for deployment with these knuckleheads, which put me indefinitely enlisted. I never intended to make this indefinite. I was trying to face my monsters that put me in this condition - so I thought. This is when I experienced the symptoms of PTSD at its worst in my life since the accident, my not the first. At the time I had no idea what it was but only that I was about to be killed and I wanted it to be over so I could stop feeling this way. Not a day goes by that I don't have thoughts of wanting to die - some days more intense than others. Today is not a good day for me. i've had to recollect my thoughts several times and try to remember what I was doing. Talking about it stressed me out. But everyone says it helps??? Not sure about that because one of my therapists told me otherwise in my case. I bought it and now its only gotten worse. Most of the medical professionals seem to be ignorant about PTSD or they're in denial more than us.
I always knew that accident had something to do with how I felt ever since. But no one ever provided information that clarified what was happening. That' probably because I hid it all these years by acting like the macho idiot I used to complain about. As much as being around the VA and the other veterans triggers me even worst than what I already experienced (which was really bad) at least they finally diagnosed me with something that makes sense - Chronic PTSD. I have no faith in the VA and expect them to throw my case under the bus as they are known for this mistreatment of veterans. Their track record is horrific. Spend trillions on war machines and huge CEO bonuses, but who cares about the vets, they're a dime a dozen and we'll simply lie to the next generation, which will be easier since this group will die no doubt if we don't help. Talk about a black hole of hopelessness that I firmly believe is reality.
Politicians lie to us as they wink to one another and make sure that the VA doesn't do what it can to really help. I've barely turned in my initial claim and discovered the enormous lies they've already ... well concealed truths form me. They did not put down the things I said was wrong. In fact, I feel taken advantage because of my symptoms, avoidance. My wife doesn't even know all of the things driving me crazy. I was told by the DAV not to tell anyone I've been reading about PTSD. WTW? [removed the "F" and replaced it with "W" for world]. This is the only way to know what's happening. The "professional" surely don't care enough to ask the right questions. This also contradicts what good medical articles dealing with taking charge of your health say.
Sorry for the length, but I had to get it out.
