Ptsd Hurts

[Deleted member 38644]

Is it wrong to leave your parents and family behind? Im counting down to my treatment days because it's my only hope of leaving this life and freeing myself. Today I had to drive through an area where something happened to me and I became numb. There was no traffic or anything so I felt comfortable but didn't know I was driving fast. I feel only somewhat comfortable when I'm on the road alone. I tried to talk to my dad about college and my career. He tells me "that shit you talking about ain't paying me, you in law so tend to your business because law don't pay me shit. Im interested in money". When I try to continue talking to him he threatens to knock me out. I went to my mom house today and still the same way as I was young. She stays on the telephone with different guys all day. I looked over my transcripts from high school and cried. Idk what happened or when this happens to me. I experienced nothing but repeated ongoing cycles of bad events like a big complete circle of a bad chain I had no idea or control over. My family is so toxic I don't want to have anything to do with them. I sit in a room with a closed door
With a trapped mind. Im tired of arguing with people who provoke me. Im tired of repeating everything not realizing what I'm doing. To keep from being triggered I stay alone. Im a complete different person. Im very very isolated even from my father just to keep me calm. Me and his father daughter relationship has changed dramatically. I hardly ever talk to him but I never did trust him. All he wants is money. Am I wrong for not talking to them anymore?

 

[Deleted member 38644]

I wanna be finally set free. I lay in the bed all the time. Im so alert like never before. I just want to be successful and understand why this chain cycle of abuse and trauma took so long to end. I hardly ever talk. Im completely isolated. I don't do anything I use to do before I left. Im in total isolation from these people. This past Christmas I just ate and left. I just wanna finish college, start a new social life, and have that life I dreamed and deserved. I feel so damn trapped. I dyed my hair because I felt great part of the day. Now im back feeling down. I avoid alot to decrease reactions.

 

[Cannottakethis]

I cannot tell you what to do.
If you are paying for college on your own, finish and start your new life. You can do whatever you dream of if you put your mind to it.
Are you under obligation to stay in touch with your family? Only you can decide. You can choose how often you see them and for how long. Or choose not to.
And if you decide to cut contact, and you change your mind, you can try talking to them again if you want to.
This is a huge decision. Do you have anyone you can talk to about it? A therapist, dr, etc?
You'll definitely get a lot of great advice from the people here.

 

[Deleted member 38644]

My situation isn't simple like that but this website is very awesome with advice. nope there isn't an obligation to talk to them but you know how you are the worst person in the world if you do. My college education is fine.

I cannot tell you what to do.
If you are paying for college on your own, finish and start your new life...

 

[Deleted member 38644]

My situation isn't simple like that but this website is very awesome with advice. nope there isn'...

I just get down sometimes because I can't wait until I spin around and be free. Completely forget everybody and live the dream

 

[Cannottakethis]

My situation isn't simple like that but this website is very awesome with advice. nope there isn'...

I went no contact with my parents at thanksgiving. I did it with my sister a year before. The relief I have felt since then is enormous. This isn't the first time I've done it. I've gone 6 months at the longest but this time will be the last. I definitely understand the guilt feeling that you will be the worst person in the world. What helped me was writing down all the reasons I was angry at my parents. 5 pages front and back. Then I didn't feel guilty anymore.

 

[Deleted member 38644]

I use to write but when I write I still don't get what I want to say wrote down because I'm not able to focus on anything long enough to do it. Most of the time I start daydreaming. my concentration levels have dropped. Im completely failing classes. I feel slow minded. So dropping my family is a start.

I went no contact with my parents at thanksgiving. I did it with my sister a year before. The relief I h...

 

[OneBloodyMoment]

I wanna be finally set free. I lay in the bed all the time. Im so alert like never before. I just...

I cut my mother out of my life. I had to, she was toxic in my life. She wasn't even the source of my childhood abuse, that was my stepfather. Long story short he almost killed me.

I know you feel like the worst person in the world if you cut out family but believe me, that feeling can pass. It did for me eventually. I've had almost nothing to do with my mother for over 25 years.

You need to do what's the best for your future. If you feel stronger away from your family, then perhaps that's what you need to do. Keep as many positive things in your life... friends who encourage and support your path to a good life. And as Shells said, this site is a very good source of support and advice.

Stay strong! I wish you the best :)

 

[Deleted member 38644]

I cut my mother out of my life. I had to, she was toxic in my life. She wasn't even the source...

I
This site is really awesome! Im just ready to meet success. You can gain a lot from this website. I rarely rarely speak to my mom. My family is toxic and toxic.