Ptsd Lonliness

[SnowyLeopard]

Hey everyone. Tonight I'm struggling especially hard with my mind reminding me of my PTSD causing me to be isolated. I made the mistake of looking up past friends on facebook. Seeing them all hang out and still be friends just....got to me. It broke down my facade of being fine and revealed those raw, painful realizations of how lonely I am.

Ever since my abusive ex I find it nearly impossible to make connections. It's really hard to reach out to people, and I'm embarrassed to admit I even shy away from responding to my family whom I love when they text me, putting it off until I send something off then shy away quickly in fear of responses. I hate being this way, and I hate how much this affects me. I haven't had a close friend in years- only mostly one-way casual online friendships that eventually fizzle out.

I get so freakin' afraid of reaching out, and become terrified of talking to others. Part of me loves learning about others-like I used to- but now being utterly scared of peers cancels that out. My therapist tells me to just put myself out there, but even when I anxiously try my brain just SCREAMS to run from the source of possible pain.

Any advice or even empathy is really appreciated. I'd love to know I'm not alone in this issue, or possible reasons why PTSD causes this.

 

[Muted]

It may be a protective thing @SnowyLeopard . It's rare to find people who are patient and understanding when you're going through a lot and sometimes it's easier to shut them out then explain or add stress/negativity to their life.

I found out my best friend was possibly going to move about a year ago and I pretty much shut her out of my life since then. She truly is a rareity that I took a chance on. She still hasn't moved.

You're not alone, I think PTSD symptoms make people feel extremely isolated.

 

[holdfast]

I know exactly how you feel. I'm there myself. Hang in there....☺

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I struggle with making and maintaining connections, even with some of my favorite folks. There's a part of me that still feels the need to be protected, even when I sense no danger.

 

[heyheyhey]

Hi Snowy Leopard - what a cute name - what's the inspiration behind it? SnowyLeopard, I really see myself in your description and can relate to how hard it can be to trust and open up after having your heart shattered by abuse from someone you trusted and in a situation that was supposed to be, should have been 'love'. I also struggle with relationships, forming, maintaining, I just bury myself away but I keep pushing myself out there....

I only have one very close friend and I'm sensitive and I easily think people don't like me... things that have really helped have been putting myself in environments where people either get or are open to my experience of suffering. So one of the ways this plays out, is that I volunteer on an anxiety helpline. I met someone there who also had PTSD, someone who had social anxiety (so also struggles with shame and self-worth) and also a lovely girl who gets panic attacks. We all have a different experience of anxiety and all these women were open hearted or wanted to be there for me when I suffered and it really helped me connect to people.

Going every week meant that I slowly built up relationships with them, even though I didn't feel 'safe' and didn't think people could like me or accept me for me - the fact that they were friendly to me, and/or wanted to hang out with me and keep in touch with me outside of the office, helped me see maybe I was valuable and could form some relationships/people do genuinely like me for me. The consistency meant that I couldn't allow space away from them to turn into a conviction that they didn't really like me, like I do with other people I hang out with, because every week I'd see them and be presented with evidence that this wasn't true. Also, our relationships helped me open and stay open to the sense that other people were suffering to: PTSD feels so isolating and disconnecting because of the sense that you alone are suffering (even if you know intellectually this isn't true). Also helping people on the helpline also helps me stay open and connected to, even though people can be ungrateful and aggressive sometimes - helping people is a way to break away from the isolation and to also develop a more positive sense of yourself.

Other things that help, include finding a group of people who are kind in a way.. so for me this is a local meditation group, where everyone at least tries to practice kindness. Going regularly is also good, because like my volunteering, I see that these people do genuinely like me.... so I suppose finding a group of good people and regularly engaging with them is key to undoing or lessening the intensity of the mistrust, insecurity and withdrawal. I think that it is an activity also really helps, because you can commit to it more regularly than just hanging out with people and it also takes the focus off of socialising and puts it more on the activity. So maybe think about things you enjoy and join a class - yoga, volunteering, meditation - I think these things are particularly good because they will tend to attract the kind of people that you can trust, more so than the average person on the street ;).

Have you heard of C-PTSD? I'd say it's the complex part that causes this, more than the PTSD itself. It's the shame and the fear of repeat hurt and the destruction of self-esteem through abuse.

Other things that make it easier and lessen it, include meditation - this helps me see when I am wrongly perceiving rejection and gives me space to act a different way - I describe it as more openness. Also, CBT exercises - challenging the thoughts about yourself and others - I try and do 15 mins every day/every other day. Somatic Experiencing also helps a lot, as you heal the trauma through the body, then you find a sense of joy, spontaneity, strength and desire for connection all begin to arise. I bought the book and CD and try an hour each week - it really has probably helped me the most actually :). I'm also starting EMDR and hope this will help - have you had any therapy that uses an evidence-based trauma modality? As these will probably help most with your trauma-based problems :).

Best wishes to you Snow Leopard, I hope things get easier **sends warm hugs your way**.

 

[heyheyhey]

Also, forgot to mention - that this to me is a protective thing - in the same way that if you have been attacked by a dog, you would come to be alert and on-guard around dogs - you'd want to protect yourself from more harm and pain: it's the same way when you've been harmed by human beings, you come to be on guard because you fear more pain. Even though the mind knows this is illogical, it's the primal instinct of wanting to shield yourself from harm and to our hearts and minds people = pain.

 

[Wendy]

I'm right there with you. I have just a few friends left and I can't seem to reach out to them. Even if they call me, for some reason I just look at their names on caller ID and I can't bring myself to pick up the phone. I hate it and I don't understand why I'm like this now. I lost the first round of friends during my abusive marriage and since I moved across the country for my ex, have not been able to build new relationships in my new town--despite living here almost 16 years now. Like you said, I have superficial "friends" but nobody I feel like I could rely on in an emergency, and nobody I can talk to about my deep issues. It sucks. I don't know if I should be relieved or concerned, but I have reached a place where most of the time I am ok with being alone. (Like you, seeing old friends on FB living normal lives is tough to deal with.) But mostly I am content with my books, my cats, my crafts.

 

[FireSign8]

O, I guarantee you that you are NOT ALONE in your feelings of isolation & confusion with the world!
A lot of us have chosen to drop out rather than chance becoming victims again. There are far too many unstable people just looking for those of us who are "walking wounded". I call them predatory animals & I use extreme caution when going out to do grocery shopping. The back yard is my safety zone these days if I want to relax in the sunshine.

I lasted 3 days on that stupid facebook thing. It brought people back into my life that I had forgotten about & it left me in a tailspin for over a week from worrying that they would find me & the good old days would start up again with all their damned drama! It appears this site now has new censorship apps & my content is disappearing when I type in the f word! Great.

 

[Psychomamatisme]

I feel what you are saying. When I got too sick to work I isolated and lost all my work colleagues because I couldn't handle the understanding that I wasn't that superworker any more and probably ever. Due to not being able to plan ahead be sure of my diseases shies me away and sadly the more people reach out if the timing isn't right I go deeper into my hole. I only communicate now mostly by text or online. It allows me to disconnect if needed. I too though am alone which I will admit some days it is just easier than the other days you just want someone to talk to. You are not alone