Ptsd Meltdowns

[Fran]

I have had PTSD for less than a year. But twice over this past summer I have had huge meltdowns like I have never experienced in my life. Both were when I was on a trip but I feel like "travel stress" had little to do with it.

I was crying violently, with my whole body shaking. Nausea, I really almost threw up the second time. Loss of sensation in my hands and feet. Huge pain in the back of my head. The second time (my brother was bullying me) I screamed at him with such a fury. More overwhelming of a scream than anything I have ever heard in a film or TV show, like I was possessed, with my whole body. But he was being really mean to me.
The meltdown lasted a long time. I wasn't counting the minutes, but at least 2 hours I would say. It felt that long anyways... And for the rest of the day, after I "calmed down" I would cry on and off, with varying degrees of intensity. And both times it took me 3 or 4 days to feel normal again. It was a very physical experience, also an exhausting one. The first time it happened, the eczema that I had been struggling to keep under control for months cleared up completely overnight (only upside to the experience).

I think I figured out what triggered it: both times I felt that someone, or people I cared about were being mean to me and I tried to explain to them why their behaviour hurt my feelings and they didn't understand. And then this would happen to me. The thought that they would hurt me and not understand/choose to defend themselves instead of apologizing made me feel helpless and worthless. Not to mention stupid for bringing it up in the first place.

Thinking of it now, I realize that this is a parallel situation to what gave me the PTSD in the first place.

Can anybody tell me what this is? Is it normal? How can I avoid it in the future?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

That sounds similar to what I have experienced in the past.

One of my therapists worked with me on creating a gap between when I get triggered and when I react. It was hard at first because there was literally no time in between the two. But, over time things improved. I wish I could recall exactly what she said to me, but it alludes me right now. Sometimes it only takes a split second gap to keep your trigger at bay.

(I really wish I could remember exactly what my old therapist said as its one of those skills I'd like to revisit!)

 

[piratelady]

This is how it was explained to me: There are two halves of the brain (this is really simplified). One side is where our instincts, like fight/flight live. It is also the side where we just react, emotionally. Then there is the side that we used to rationalize and think. When we are triggered we react with the emotional side of the brain. That is when I cut and you react as you did above.

I was told the goal is to build a wall, so to speak, between those two sides. That you stop yourself from reacting in a purely emotional manner and stop to think about it, and then react once you have had a chance to think it through logically. I think this is what SoL is talking about - creating a gap between the trigger and when you react. You use that time to think it through, calm the emotions down, etc.

I don't think I'm explaining it exactly as it was explained to me, this was a while ago and that is the best I can remember.

There are times when I have strong emotional/physical reactions and it takes me a long time to calm down. The calm after the storm is very very calm. My guess is all that pent up emotional energy is being released and you are left tired and so also calm. The key, I think, is learning to control it. Again, I'm not exactly sure, it's just what I've learned so far.

 

[quaintpapercut]

It's great that you can recognize what one of your triggers is. It can be tough to do sometimes because its difficult to wrap your head around the fact that something which may seem inconsequential (in my logical brain) can have such a HUGE impact on me. When this happened did you feel like you were experiencing things in the present?

 

[Fran]

When this happened did you feel like you were experiencing things in the present?

I'm not sure, come to think of it. The first time, kind of not. I kind of went into flashbacks and memories. But I was aware of my actual surrounding. And that was frustrating, I wished for nothing more than to be living those memories, so that I could have some kind of control over them.
The second time I was in the present, I think. I was so upset with my brother, and his apparent total lack of empathy. It made me so sick.
Thank you everyone for replying, I found it all very interesting, and hopefully it will help me out in the future.

 

[okcjd]

I have problems with my family with meltdowns. I have a 14 yr old daughter and sometimes she will irritate me and I will go off on her. I don't do it intentionally. I love my daughter. I just get frustrated very easily and sometimes I have a hard time dealing with issues. I don't know how to stop it. I can't find a therapist that can help me with my combat PTSD.

 

[Shellbell]

I had a melt down with my husband the other day. We got into a big argument, and my mind went straight to the - 'he doesn't love me, he only cares about himself, he will leave me, he will abandon me, I knew I couldn't trust him' - way of thinking and I was trying to shout at him but couldn't. I had such a tightness in my chest and my anxiety was so high that I couldn't speak - the words were coming out in a choking sound. It was hours before I calmed down.

Then had horrible dreams and woke up in the night and knew they were about an abuser but couldn't remember details. I was sweat and my heart was thumping. I hate that.

In fact I hate all of this. I don't feel in control of myself at all. I can't control the anxiety, the dissociation, the flashbacks, my anger, my irritation, my coping ability. Sucks.

I have problems with my family with meltdowns. I have a 14 yr old daughter and sometimes she will irritate me and I will go off on her. I don't do it intentionally.

I totally understand your irritation and not doing it intentionally okcjd. I have the same issues with my family.

 

[Fran]

In fact I hate all of this. I don't feel in control of myself at all. I can't control the anxiety, the dissociation, the flashbacks, my anger, my irritation, my coping ability. Sucks.

I think I know what you mean. I feel bad for you because it sounds similar to what happens to me and it just sucks so much. Especially because I don't really know what to do about it. But in a way it feels good to know that I'm not the only one who is like this, it's almost as if I can blame the PTSD for this behaviour instead of believing that I have some kind of personality flaw.

 

[Shellbell]

Hi Fran. I think that is what makes a forum like this so helpful. Just knowing we are not alone and it is the PTSD causing these problems does help.

I'm having therapy and I am learning strategies to help this, but it takes time.