ashdawn8287
Platinum Member
I am going to post on here about my journey through healing from now on. I have PTSD from multiple childhood trauma. Mostly sexual abuse. I am using the abuse workbook with my group therapy for PTSD and sexual abuse/assault. If you want to follow along with me the book is called:
"Healing the Trauma of Abuse-a womens workbook" by Mary Ellen Copeland, M.A., M.S. and Maxine Harris, Ph.D.
If you cannot afford the back feel free to just chime in. I plan to post about my entire journey inclluding what I have done on certain days that the book told me to do.
I have heard I am suppose to do it from front to back, do everything it says. Skipping around in the book is okay but not recommended because they even say each step builds off the last.
Go at your own pace and post on here with me if you want.
I am determined to gain back control and stand up for myself. I plan to develop more coping skills, a better way to look at my past, healing, gain self esteem and confidence, and being able to just be myself without the horrific affects sexual abuse has scarred me with. I understand I will never be able to forget, but I do plan on to forgive and be able to move on more with my life with a sense of control, peace, happiness, and to help others with this after college.
WEEK ONE of sexual abuse healing.
I wrote down a list of women I admire and look up too, mainly women I don't even know but who have gone through some sort trauma and regained their lives back. I look up to one of my women professors, all my trauma therapists who are women, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Mother Theresa. I look up to these women because they are nice, kind, caring, compassionate, but mainly because they are strong.
I decided I got confusing messages as to what it means to be a women in my society. I don't feel like my parents told me to go after girly stuff and be like the women in the media. I think my mom is a feminist but a radical one that does not fight fight fairly. My parents didn't treat boys or girls differently. I don't think that really affected how I view myself, I am just stuck with a lot of confusion. I find it difficult to be myself because I was more vocal as a child and my parents didn't like that. To get over that I practice positive self talk, make myself speak up, yoga, and therapy.
Society makes me feel bad about being a women. It makes me feel like I am not good enough. When I see a pretty skinny girl on TV I feel disgusted with myself. I feel ugly. I feel wrong.
Rap videos, NFL commercials, sex scenes, certain movies, and certain songs make me feel bad about myself.
I am an aunt, a fiancee and soon to be wife, I am a partner, a lover, a fighter, someone who is passionate, I am a confidant, I am a supporter, I am a survivor, I am a student, I am smart, I am funny, I am outspoken, opinionated, compassionate, sweet, and reserved. I AM GOOD ENOUGH.
Physically I hate my arms, my thighs, my face, my eyes, my ears, my stomach, my hands, and my feet. I tried to relax and focus on each of those body parts and praise them for doing what they do for me, but I failed. I will keep trying. Right now I can't there is way too much damage in the self esteem department.
What makes me feel good is getting A's in college, making the best chocolate chip cookies EVER, having a peaceful and relaxing home, getting awarded scholarships, going to Africa to help children, and getting accepted into my major and minor.
The book told me to set up a comforting area and decorate it with things that make me feel relaxing and to keep me grounded when things get to hard. I decorated my study room. Last fall I painted it green because this color relaxes me. I have my favorite poems and quotes framed neaty and nicely with antique frames hanging around my desk area. I have a board that is also antique style, because I like antique/vintage style, on the board is an engagement photo of us because it makes me feel at ease whenever I see his face. I have a word that says FAMILY to give me hope of having a good one in the future. I have a picture of a cute little cup of coffee because I love coffee, I have different money from around the world hung up because I enjoy other culture and plan to travel, I have a picture of a butterfly inside a glass case and part of the glass case is broken- it reminds me that even though the glass is shattered the butterfly is still pretty.
I have a quote on this antique board that says:
Finish every day and be done with it,
You have done what you could,
Some blunders and absurdities
no doubt have crept in;
Tomorrow is a new day;
begin it well and serenely
and with too high a spirit
to be cumbered with you old nonsense
This day is all that is good and all that is fair
It is too dear with it's hopes and invitations,
to waste a moment on yesterdays mistakes.
I have a pretty calendar, looking it relaxes me and reminds me of my responsibilities. I have a pretty ceramic red and brown antique box filled with mints to pop in my mouth when I feel like it is too much, to keep me grounded. I have tea candles as easy access for when I need to relax and just be. I have fake flowers around my desk because they are pretty.
This is day one and week one. I feel a little bit better.
"Healing the Trauma of Abuse-a womens workbook" by Mary Ellen Copeland, M.A., M.S. and Maxine Harris, Ph.D.
If you cannot afford the back feel free to just chime in. I plan to post about my entire journey inclluding what I have done on certain days that the book told me to do.
I have heard I am suppose to do it from front to back, do everything it says. Skipping around in the book is okay but not recommended because they even say each step builds off the last.
Go at your own pace and post on here with me if you want.
I am determined to gain back control and stand up for myself. I plan to develop more coping skills, a better way to look at my past, healing, gain self esteem and confidence, and being able to just be myself without the horrific affects sexual abuse has scarred me with. I understand I will never be able to forget, but I do plan on to forgive and be able to move on more with my life with a sense of control, peace, happiness, and to help others with this after college.
WEEK ONE of sexual abuse healing.
I wrote down a list of women I admire and look up too, mainly women I don't even know but who have gone through some sort trauma and regained their lives back. I look up to one of my women professors, all my trauma therapists who are women, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Mother Theresa. I look up to these women because they are nice, kind, caring, compassionate, but mainly because they are strong.
I decided I got confusing messages as to what it means to be a women in my society. I don't feel like my parents told me to go after girly stuff and be like the women in the media. I think my mom is a feminist but a radical one that does not fight fight fairly. My parents didn't treat boys or girls differently. I don't think that really affected how I view myself, I am just stuck with a lot of confusion. I find it difficult to be myself because I was more vocal as a child and my parents didn't like that. To get over that I practice positive self talk, make myself speak up, yoga, and therapy.
Society makes me feel bad about being a women. It makes me feel like I am not good enough. When I see a pretty skinny girl on TV I feel disgusted with myself. I feel ugly. I feel wrong.
Rap videos, NFL commercials, sex scenes, certain movies, and certain songs make me feel bad about myself.
I am an aunt, a fiancee and soon to be wife, I am a partner, a lover, a fighter, someone who is passionate, I am a confidant, I am a supporter, I am a survivor, I am a student, I am smart, I am funny, I am outspoken, opinionated, compassionate, sweet, and reserved. I AM GOOD ENOUGH.
Physically I hate my arms, my thighs, my face, my eyes, my ears, my stomach, my hands, and my feet. I tried to relax and focus on each of those body parts and praise them for doing what they do for me, but I failed. I will keep trying. Right now I can't there is way too much damage in the self esteem department.
What makes me feel good is getting A's in college, making the best chocolate chip cookies EVER, having a peaceful and relaxing home, getting awarded scholarships, going to Africa to help children, and getting accepted into my major and minor.
The book told me to set up a comforting area and decorate it with things that make me feel relaxing and to keep me grounded when things get to hard. I decorated my study room. Last fall I painted it green because this color relaxes me. I have my favorite poems and quotes framed neaty and nicely with antique frames hanging around my desk area. I have a board that is also antique style, because I like antique/vintage style, on the board is an engagement photo of us because it makes me feel at ease whenever I see his face. I have a word that says FAMILY to give me hope of having a good one in the future. I have a picture of a cute little cup of coffee because I love coffee, I have different money from around the world hung up because I enjoy other culture and plan to travel, I have a picture of a butterfly inside a glass case and part of the glass case is broken- it reminds me that even though the glass is shattered the butterfly is still pretty.
I have a quote on this antique board that says:
Finish every day and be done with it,
You have done what you could,
Some blunders and absurdities
no doubt have crept in;
Tomorrow is a new day;
begin it well and serenely
and with too high a spirit
to be cumbered with you old nonsense
This day is all that is good and all that is fair
It is too dear with it's hopes and invitations,
to waste a moment on yesterdays mistakes.
I have a pretty calendar, looking it relaxes me and reminds me of my responsibilities. I have a pretty ceramic red and brown antique box filled with mints to pop in my mouth when I feel like it is too much, to keep me grounded. I have tea candles as easy access for when I need to relax and just be. I have fake flowers around my desk because they are pretty.
This is day one and week one. I feel a little bit better.
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