Boosted135i
Bronze Member
Greetings everyone. It's been a long few days living inside of my own head. I'll provide a little background and then listen to any and all advice with an open mind and open heart.
I'm a 26 year old male. I'm genuinely a happy, life of the party, sympathetic person. I was involved in a long term relationship (5 years) from my early to mid-twenties. It did quite a bit of damage to me (abandonment, depression, etc). I climbed out of that hole and resumed life as normal, with one rule: don't let anyone in.
About a month ago I met the most beautiful girl I had ever seen (spiritually, physically, family oriented, etc). We instantly hit it off and spent much time together. Every moment was better than the last. However, I noticed triggers early on that would project bouts of long-winded text messages damning me as a person. I consider myself to have a good head on my shoulders.. I like to have fun, be in love, be romantic, etc... I was closed off at the beginning, looking out for my heart and being wary. She insisted that I open up my heart, she made me cut my hair (eerily similar to Sampson and Delilah), basically opened me back up to the idea that love exists. She had suffered sexual abuse at an early age and medical trauma in her early 20's. I was familiar with being in a relationship with a bi-polar sufferer but this is a whole new realm for me.
I met her family, they were very welcoming to me. As we got to know each other better they would comment that their daughter was showing an increase in appetite around me and that the physicians, etc were really pleased. I did my best to be respectful, treat their daughter well, and provide the trust that I am a safe, secure, and empathetic person. However, I did not understand PTSD at ALL. She had a couple breakdowns at dinner (I went to the bathroom for too long, etc.). I would have to console her and calm her down. I understood her pain but I didn't understand triggers, shut outs, etc. I basically went into this headlong without any type of guide on how to be a true supporter.. We spend New years together and she wrote me the most beautiful letter saying that "I inspired her to believe that life will get better and that she really appreciates my support and is looking forward to a wonderful year". Fast forward to Thursday morning of this last week.
"I can't do this to you anymore. I can't have you drive an hour to see me. You're a young, vibrant healthy young man and you deserve to be with a young healthy girl.. Not one that's unhealthy like me." " I can't use you as my band-aid or to fix my happiness". "Forget about me completely and move on".
Triggered my abandonment fear in the absolute worst way possible. I handled it better than I have in previous situations (learning from mistakes) but I still came off strong.
"you're amazing, you've got family and friends and people that love you" "I love who you are" " You aren't the demons inside of you" "You're doing an amazing job and I'm so proud of how strong you are" etc.
I made the mistake of getting a little banged up on Saturday night with some friends and pushed too many texts on her (mind you, I didn't know about PTSD and shutouts until today). Her response never changed "GO AWAY"
I tried to apologize yesterday for the last time
I’m sorry. I handled everything after the fact in a poor way. I saw the chance for a happy future with someone and I dove in head first. I was ready. I thought I had found someone to have endless laughs with, explore new dinners with, and adopt dozens of pups with. I’m not crazy, I know I’m not. You mean a lot to me, and I’m really broken up about this. I understand you’re going through a dark place. I loved every moment of driving up to you, picking our dinner places, and taking care of you when you didn’t feel well. I got you, and you got me. This whole thing just feels like a cruel joke and I don’t get it. I hate goodbyes more than anything. Everyone who I’ve ever trusted and has promised me to never say goodbye. I finally thought I didn’t have to say goodbye anymore. And maybe I came off strong after you walked away; but I fight for what I believe. You made me believe in you. None of this makes sense. You’ll never change your mind but one of the biggest things that attracted me to you was that you had gone through hell and back and you were still in love with life. I admire you to the moon and back and you showed me what it is to be strong. That’s all I have to say, I just wanted to get it out with a clear head in one sitting without back and forth and drama. I miss your hugs, and your jokes, and my favorite dinner date.
It was met with the response of "You're one step away from a restraining order so help me god". I've been blocked on social media, via imessage, etc.
The advice I'm looking for is how to proceed now that I know more about PTSD and am committed to deal with shut outs, research the disease, and act and support accordingly. I wish I had all of this information prior to dealing with this shut out. I let my abandonment fear get the best of me... Mostly because I didn't understand how PTSD works. I felt wronged, was selfish, and now I'm paying the price...
Can I be viewed as good again in her mind? I understand all I can do is play the waiting game and work on myself... I just want advice on if I've completely blown this out of the water and should forget about it.
I am also curious as to why she pushed for a relationship so quickly. She's very social media oriented. She wanted to make it official and told me that she wanted to be with me for a long time. I took it at face value and got really burned. I know it's bothering me more than it should. Why the headlong dive into commitment from her followed by the complete shut out?
I'm a 26 year old male. I'm genuinely a happy, life of the party, sympathetic person. I was involved in a long term relationship (5 years) from my early to mid-twenties. It did quite a bit of damage to me (abandonment, depression, etc). I climbed out of that hole and resumed life as normal, with one rule: don't let anyone in.
About a month ago I met the most beautiful girl I had ever seen (spiritually, physically, family oriented, etc). We instantly hit it off and spent much time together. Every moment was better than the last. However, I noticed triggers early on that would project bouts of long-winded text messages damning me as a person. I consider myself to have a good head on my shoulders.. I like to have fun, be in love, be romantic, etc... I was closed off at the beginning, looking out for my heart and being wary. She insisted that I open up my heart, she made me cut my hair (eerily similar to Sampson and Delilah), basically opened me back up to the idea that love exists. She had suffered sexual abuse at an early age and medical trauma in her early 20's. I was familiar with being in a relationship with a bi-polar sufferer but this is a whole new realm for me.
I met her family, they were very welcoming to me. As we got to know each other better they would comment that their daughter was showing an increase in appetite around me and that the physicians, etc were really pleased. I did my best to be respectful, treat their daughter well, and provide the trust that I am a safe, secure, and empathetic person. However, I did not understand PTSD at ALL. She had a couple breakdowns at dinner (I went to the bathroom for too long, etc.). I would have to console her and calm her down. I understood her pain but I didn't understand triggers, shut outs, etc. I basically went into this headlong without any type of guide on how to be a true supporter.. We spend New years together and she wrote me the most beautiful letter saying that "I inspired her to believe that life will get better and that she really appreciates my support and is looking forward to a wonderful year". Fast forward to Thursday morning of this last week.
"I can't do this to you anymore. I can't have you drive an hour to see me. You're a young, vibrant healthy young man and you deserve to be with a young healthy girl.. Not one that's unhealthy like me." " I can't use you as my band-aid or to fix my happiness". "Forget about me completely and move on".
Triggered my abandonment fear in the absolute worst way possible. I handled it better than I have in previous situations (learning from mistakes) but I still came off strong.
"you're amazing, you've got family and friends and people that love you" "I love who you are" " You aren't the demons inside of you" "You're doing an amazing job and I'm so proud of how strong you are" etc.
I made the mistake of getting a little banged up on Saturday night with some friends and pushed too many texts on her (mind you, I didn't know about PTSD and shutouts until today). Her response never changed "GO AWAY"
I tried to apologize yesterday for the last time
I’m sorry. I handled everything after the fact in a poor way. I saw the chance for a happy future with someone and I dove in head first. I was ready. I thought I had found someone to have endless laughs with, explore new dinners with, and adopt dozens of pups with. I’m not crazy, I know I’m not. You mean a lot to me, and I’m really broken up about this. I understand you’re going through a dark place. I loved every moment of driving up to you, picking our dinner places, and taking care of you when you didn’t feel well. I got you, and you got me. This whole thing just feels like a cruel joke and I don’t get it. I hate goodbyes more than anything. Everyone who I’ve ever trusted and has promised me to never say goodbye. I finally thought I didn’t have to say goodbye anymore. And maybe I came off strong after you walked away; but I fight for what I believe. You made me believe in you. None of this makes sense. You’ll never change your mind but one of the biggest things that attracted me to you was that you had gone through hell and back and you were still in love with life. I admire you to the moon and back and you showed me what it is to be strong. That’s all I have to say, I just wanted to get it out with a clear head in one sitting without back and forth and drama. I miss your hugs, and your jokes, and my favorite dinner date.
It was met with the response of "You're one step away from a restraining order so help me god". I've been blocked on social media, via imessage, etc.
The advice I'm looking for is how to proceed now that I know more about PTSD and am committed to deal with shut outs, research the disease, and act and support accordingly. I wish I had all of this information prior to dealing with this shut out. I let my abandonment fear get the best of me... Mostly because I didn't understand how PTSD works. I felt wronged, was selfish, and now I'm paying the price...
Can I be viewed as good again in her mind? I understand all I can do is play the waiting game and work on myself... I just want advice on if I've completely blown this out of the water and should forget about it.
I am also curious as to why she pushed for a relationship so quickly. She's very social media oriented. She wanted to make it official and told me that she wanted to be with me for a long time. I took it at face value and got really burned. I know it's bothering me more than it should. Why the headlong dive into commitment from her followed by the complete shut out?
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