Ptsd Relastionship Early Shut Out

[Tinyflame]

I'm sorry @Boosted135i I don't know your story & I thought this was a different thread, I see @Justmehere said don't contact . But just to say your posts #46 & #48 are beautiful ones. And probably if her ptsd abated she felt/ feels the same.

:hug:

 

[Boosted135i]

I'm sorry @Boosted135i I don't know your story & I thought this was a different thread...

Thank you. This place has given me the freedom of expression and acceptance. I'm very grateful. It's given me a more understanding perspective on this experience and is helping me each day when the moments of despair creep up on me.

 

[Tinyflame]

lost my friend. The person that came along and woke up my heart won't ever have a place in my life.

I'm sorry but am glad you've found some peace & consolation here. It's a precious commodity.

for a fleeing moment I got a glimpse of who she is without all of the pain and the trauma; and it set my heart on fire. There is no doubt that she is deeply troubled with many moods and frustrations and pain.. But seeing her stripped of those burdens and being at peace for a short time is something I'll never forget.

She won't either. Hugs if you accept. :hug: Again I'm sorry. :( No fault of either of you, likely.

 

[Boosted135i]

Agreed. I just want to see her happy. It's the one thing I iterated to her time and again.

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm sorry @Boosted135i , I just don't have the words today.

Well that ^^ is love, isn't it.

The thing is, people with ptsd often feel the same, but think limiting exposure for the other people/ person accomplishes that, too.

Strange I guess, but polar opposite choices with the intent to accomplish the same end.

 

[Boosted135i]

I'm sorry @Boosted135i , I just don't have the words today.

Well that ^^ is love, is...

Accomplishes what? She told me to forget her and move on with tears in her eyes. She felt she was doing me a favor. I can only imagine how torn up she is given the fact that I have far less demons and I'm beside myself.

 

[Tinyflame]

@Boosted135i that is exactly what I mean. It's bad enough to suffer/deal with it (yourself) than to cause suffering for someone else. Why expose them to going through it too? It is a favour or the right choice, even if she loses out on the good parts for her. Does that make better sense? (I'm sorry it seems so obvious to me it's hard to describe.)

 

[Boosted135i]

I'm just a guy who has feelings for a woman who happens to have had negative experiences that have scarred her. I understand it's not my fault and that she needs special attention and I'm okay with that. I was more than happy to provide support.

One of the things that has me scratching me head is that I've heard from her mother, father, and her that I've been nothing but a positive influence in her life. She struggles with eating and sleeping and these two issues showed marked improvement when I came into her life.. Yeah she was still a mess, but that was already present before I came into her world. To quickly blame regression on me is nothing but a defense mechanism. And it's hurtful and I don't believe it to be true.

I always told her, "I can only care for you to the extent that you let me. And I would always do my best during the time that you let me in." I had no illusions of this being a perfect relationship. But it was perfect in it's imperfections. You don't put your life on hold waiting for that moment to let it begin. What if it never begins?

 

[Boosted135i]

I just had a real aha moment. She broke up with me the day before she was supposed to have dinner with me and my folks... Coincidence?

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh absolutely @Boosted135i regression is neither your fault nor responsibility.

I cannot speak for her. I can only say, perhaps another can view it as scars ('apart'), but a person with (inescapable) ptsd may view it as a part of them, therefore their onus & responsibility to take care of it. And it's really awful to hurt or entangle or disappoint others. :(

I think as well there is the understanding/ perception that others without it don't realize how awful it is/ will be/ could be, with it (& therefore around or affected by someone with it). It is also frequently overwhelming/ mind-boggling/ exhausting/ terrifying. Add in self-disregard.

Less negatives/ more fun/ more healthy to be with someone without it. A better present & more fulfilling future. (for them).

Just saw your post- probably = yes or partly. (Have you seen the stress cup explanation?)

 

[Boosted135i]

Oh absolutely @Boosted135i regression is neither your fault nor responsibility.

I can...

I have seen the explanation.... And I feel like I've already lost half a week in my gloom. I'm reading about others experiences with dating a sufferer and it sounds like when they decide to shut out/down.. They never fully come around. Time to get refocused on my career and family/friends.... If she calls, my door is wide open. And I will definitely come to this community for advice on how to proceed. I can't wish for something I'm sure will ever come back. It's not fair to myself.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes right @Boosted135i .

They always say Don't think for others, but then there is the experience of negative feedback, too. I suppose in retrospect in can be a somewhat self-imposed prison however. But only from good people. Though leaving good people regretting knowing or living with you is worse, too.

I don't know however where all the talk of a 'restraining order' came in, maybe it's more than ptsd?

Best wishes to you.