I think there is another way of looking at this other than your ex-girlfriend from a month long relationship being a toxic personality disordered PTSD sufferer who is irrationally lashing out at you.
She may or may not be all of those things. We have no way to fully know for sure. She isn't here to tell us her side of the story.
I do want to propose a different viewpoint on these events, one that focuses on what we do know, which is your side of the story and how you describe your own actions.
In summary, I think this is a messy breakup, and that your focus needs to be on yourself and your actions in this, and less on patholigizing her actions. There continue to be a lot of red flags that your boundaries, both internal and external boundaries, are not very solid and that you were possibly very enmeshed with her and continue to understandably struggle with being separate from her.
I could be completely off the map as well, and if I am, then please ignore or disregard this post.
From my perspective, it seems hard for you to separate from her. I don't mean just the break up, but for you to be able to tolerate you and her having different opinions and perspectives. If she disagrees with you, you seem to only be able to tolerate this if she is a horrible crazy person who is being irrational. It is only then that you do seem to be able to hold your own space and not need her to agree with you or understand you as much. Outside of that, her opinions being separate and different from yours, seems like a hard thing for you to tolerate. You seek agreement and understanding between the two of you, and avoid difference of opinion, at all costs of any boundaries between you and her. It comes across as being very enmeshed. This comes up again and again in what you describe about you.
In healthy relationships, people are going to disagree from time to time. Reasonable people can have very different opinions and still be reasonable people.
It is true that a lot of what you describe about her is confusing and chaotic behavior, but frankly, to play devils advocate for a moment, even many outright abusive people describe their ex's, ones that they victimized, as crazy and so unreasonable and that the victims were actually the predators. They sometimes go to great lengths to explain and prove to this people how crazy their ex was.
I don't think either you or her are predators. I don't really get the sense that you are out to get her, or that she is out to get you. I could be wrong on this.
I think this was more likely an enmeshed toxic relationship between two people who dated for short time and who are now hurting each other and lashing out at each other in the middle of the pain of breaking up.
I don't think you are being abusive, not by what you describe. Not at all. However, by your own descriptions of your own actions her, I am actually much more concerned about you than I am about her. (Plus, she isn't posting, so I can't really give her any feedback anyhow. You can't really change her, only yourself. So I'm going to focus on you.)
You dated for a month. You described her as if she was a perfect fit from the start, and yet you didn't really know her. Very quickly, her ways of doing things became your ways of doing things.
You don't really describe a relationship of either of you tolerating disagreements or differing opinions from each other on haircuts or anything else very well. She demanded, you complied. You were both trying to change or be changed by the other person. Not be two separate people getting to know each other.
You didn't maintain boundaries (saying yes to things you would have otherwise said no to.) She was critical and demanding, wanting you to become whatever she wants you to be, instead of getting to know as your own person, and you getting to know her as her own person. While some of the changes she pushes for in you are good, you describe them as being things she is very much responsible for, forgetting that you made a choice to make the changes she wanted. You did the work. Not her. You.
Once again, there is no clear boundary between what is you, and what is her.
Then she breaks up with you. You "push" contact with her, wanting an explanation, reasons. She gave you reasons. They were her reasons, not yours. This may feel like I am stating the obvious, but please try to follow me.
You judged the reasons as "piss poor" and you stated that because they were "piss poor" you ignored her clear boundaries to not contact her. You pushed to the point she threatened to get a restraining order. You wanted your ways to be her ways at almost all costs. Enmeshment. No boundaries between you and her.
You wanted her to understand you, and you to understand her. This isn't a bad thing in and of itself. What is problematic is that you sought for you and her to have the same understanding of each other at the cost of respecting her boundary with you, her separateness from you. You didn't tolerate her having a separate decision from you about contact. A different understanding or decisions about the relationship. You had a very strong reaction to her being separate from you.
In most cases, the second someone in the US says stop contacting me to an ex-partner, any further contact after that could be considered and charged as criminal harassment. But you contacted her anyhow, risking even a restraining order or worse, because you wanted an explanation that was acceptable to you, one that was not "piss poor."
You felt that she was not giving you reasonable answers, and you pushed for what you deemed would be better ones. Basically, you wanted her reasons and toe to be the same. Again, no room for separateness.
I have broken up with partners and given what they felt were crappy reasons. Partners have broken up with me and given me what I thought was crappy reasons. Was it a sign of something wrong with them or me? Maybe, maybe not. It sort of doesn't matter. They or I were done with the relationship, and needed or wanted the relationship to end. Explanations help, but they are not required by either party. If they are not given, I have no right to harass the other party into giving me one.
I know you probably know this intellectually, but your behavior as you describe it doesn't show a lot of respect for this.
It is extremely rare for partners to agree upon and fully understand each other when they break up. Lack of understanding each other is part of why many people break up in the first place, PTSD or not.
It's a very idealized view of dating relationships to expect anything but what feels like to you "piss poor" reasons for someone breaking up with you.
When one person wants to stay in a dating relationship, and the other person does not, the person that wants to have the relationship continue usually thinks the other person is breaking up with them is doing it for all the wrong reasons.... That's common.
She probably felt her reasons were very good reasons to break up.
But it seems like you have this idealized standard that her reasons should be what you deem as good reasons, and if they are not, you are going to just keep pushing for her to understand you more, or explain yourself more, or push for her to explain herself more.So that she is like you, in agreement with you, to the point of enmeshment again, where "no" does not really mean anything. Where you and her are not separate.
You came to the forum to better understand what happened here, and the possible role PTSD played in this or not. This is a good thing to reach out for outside feedback and support.
However, there is a limit to the forum, a boundary. (A handful of boundaries and limits actually.)
We can't get into her head, no matter how much you describe her. People here can give thoughts and suggestions, and speak from our experiences, but really, she is the only one who can explain her own actions. You describe her making her need for space clear, again and again, for the sake of her own recovery.
You didn't really give her much space for this for very long. Instead, you contacted her yet again. You risked a lot of legal entanglement, and triggering her and you both, to explain yourself, to have her understand that you really are sorry for running over her boundary... while you do the same thing you are apologizing for - running over her request that you stop contacting her.
You failed to show any respect for her need to be separate and have different view points from you.
She does send a lot of text messages back, which refer to issues that you didn't describe before, and perhaps her writings to you could be someone in the middle of problem related to mental health... or this could be a pissed off crabby ex who is ranting about anything and everything to an ex boyfriend that she is fed up with.
We can't really know for sure, we don't have her side of the story, and even then we could never really know for sure.
But we do have your side of the story. You posted her texts here. Not yours, hers. You don't have her permission to do this and out of your need/desire to get an explanation/be understood at all costs, you went outside of the limits and boundaries of the forum. When you signed up on the forum you agreed to certain limits and boundaries, but in your need to defend, explain, understand, perhaps make her look worse, you went over the boundaries again. Publishing such texts without permission of the author goes over the line, invasive of her privacy and risking even possible copyright issues as they were her writings, not yours.
As a single incident, it's not the worst mistake. It happens. But in the larger pattern of behavior, it is quite concerning. It's another sign of you struggling to separate what is hers and what is yours.
Moving on past the publishing of her texts, to the interaction between you and her, you called what happened a lose-lose situation. It was.
And I don't see you take a lot of responsibility to address YOUR mistakes. You instead focus on hers, and she becomes almost demonized by the way you describe her.
It seems like a pattern that she and you must agree or else she is bad and toxic and etc.
All this, and other reasons, lead me to be very concerned about your lack of respect of boundaries, your struggle to be able to tolerate being different from her, disagreeing with her, not allowing her to have a different opinion from you about events that occurred without also demonizing her.
I could be totally wrong too in my perspective, goodness knows I have a million issues of my own, any of which could be coloring my own perspective. I completely own this.
My hope is simply that perhaps this different viewpoint might be some food for thought and give you pause to look at your actions further. There is a pattern here that might be helpful for you to look at in your own behavior.
It is my guess that a huge part of what is happening comes down to your abandonment/separation anxiety and pain that is related to the earlier relationship you wrote about here - and even maybe other earlier relationships. I think you might have a preoccupied attachment pattern and that's it's really hard to handle her disagreeing with you, being different in perspective and opinion from you, as a result of that. It something that can change, but only if you have the courage to focus on you now. Separate from whatever is happening with her.
Again, I could also totally be off the map entirely, in which case, feel free to disagree with me and/or disregard this post in part or whole. Really, I won't be offended. I accept that you may likely have a different and possibly much more accurate view of this very difficult breakup. You are you. Not me. You can disagree with me without me being a bad person. This is why disagreement alone doesn't offend me.
Between you and her, disagreement or difference of opinion with each other doesn't seem like something either of you tolerated well with each other.
