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Ptsd Starting To Interfere With College

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OneToughCookie

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I'm feeling really afraid right now for no discernible reason, and have all afternoon. I need to do my schoolwork and have a soccer game later, but all I want to do is hide away and do some self care activities. I'm experiencing burnout and dreading this next week of school. I know right now self care would be the best choice, but I grew up with two ex-military parents who instilled a lovely voice inside my head that's telling me to suck it up and get over it. I have a really hard time prioritizing my health because in my house, what needed to be done was always more important. I'm starting to zone out now, too. I'm worried that if I put my self care first, I'll fall behind in school, and that's a legitimate worry because I was sick a lot last week, busy yesterday, and have a lot to do. I'm not even sure what I need right now. I'm not totally experienced with managing my PTSD. How can I get out of this fight-or-flight/hyper-aroused state so I can think clearly, focus, and relax simultaneously?
 
I'm feeling really afraid right now for no discernible reason, and have all afternoon. I need to...
Hi. I'm not much help as I am still not good at managing my PTSD symptoms. I'm really curious to see what others will have to say as I need suggestions too. I can tell you that you aren't alone. I'm not in college, but I can't focus on much of anything right now. I was trying to read a book about PTSD and got nowhere. I tried later to read a book about parenting and did get through a few pages but it was very hard. I hope you get some good suggestions!
 
Those are not healthy voices to listen to, Cookie. I can only imagine how difficult this is for you. There are some breathing exercises described on this forum which are kind of complicated, but they work for some people (you can do a search to find how to do them). Here's the easy one I use: Breathe normally. On every exhale say a calming word or phrase to yourself. Repeat, repeat, repeat, until you feel better.

I also hope you're in therapy. If not, please try to get there. Your college's health service should be able to help.
 
Have you registered with your school disability services? They can help you with accommodations if this starts to interfere with your school work. Don't just keep pushing without self care or eventually it will make you burn out and affect your school work even worse. Also, like Hodge said, your school health services should be able to help you out with some therapy and/or medication. Good luck!
 
(((OneToughCookie)))
I'm sorry you are struggling with so much at once. I have a prioritization problem, which has been an enemy for SO many years. This week, my T and I were talking about how I see "everything at once, like one giant "to do" list, and it keeps me from even starting. I identified that I have a hard time starting a project, because I fear not being able to finish.

So, she asked, "what would be the next best thing?" I wasn't sure at that time, but after thinking about it...I think the next best thing is just to START. I get so stuck in starting, that I spin in circles. I am going to start "starting".

You were sick last week, so you NEED to do some self-care, if only a little. Care for YOU! You deserve grace....

Sending good thoughts, and blessings your way!
 
It feels so nice to have this outpouring of support. I'm seeing a trauma specialist every Friday, which has been amazing. I feel so much less alone in dealing with everything I've been going through the last 20 years. The reason my symptoms are so much worse this week is because we've really started opening Pandora's box of trauma for processing, and things tend to get worse before they get better in that field.

I was in the same boat as @loui50 and couldn't do any of my reading in that state. However, once I played my soccer game I felt SOO much better. I really killed myself during it because the other team forfeited so we played 5v5 full field. That's a ton of running for anyone, and with narcolepsy and PTSD I was wiped. I'm now able to concentrate at least 50% better and I can definitely think clearly. I think I unintentionally answered my own question and that exercise is probably the best quick self-care for me in that situation. Maybe that will help you, @loui50.

Thank you so much for your empathy, @hodge! I'll do my best to tell those voices to screw off. :D I tried the exact method you talked about, actually. It's been my go-to because, like you said, it's easy, and it also keeps me engaged so I don't dissociate. For some reason, today I couldn't keep focused on it at all. I think switching up the phrases might help. :) Thanks for the tip!

@cat-lady, I do have some accommodations because I have narcolepsy, but this PTSD was delayed onset and recently developed so I don't have any for that yet. I can't think of any that would really help me any more than what I have. I have note taker, time-and-a-half on tests, testing in the center for disabilities, and a letter of support. Maybe flexibility on due dates. Can you guys think of any other ideas?

@AngelkeeperJ/AKJ, thanks for your empathy as well! I feel a constant anxiety about my to-do list. It doesn't keep me from starting it, so I can't empathize with you there, unfortunately, but it does give me needless stress thinking about it as a whole instead of the current task, the current moment. We're probably catastrophizing a bit too about not finishing, having things undone that should be done. That reminds me, I read a great post on the PTSD Ten Commandments on a different website:
  1. Thou shalt NOT be perfect, nor even try to be.
  2. Thou shalt NOT try to be all things to all people.
  3. Thou shalt leave things undone that ought to be done.
  4. Thou shalt NOT spread thyself too thinly.
  5. Thou shalt learn to say “NO“.
  6. Thou shalt schedule time for thyself, and thy supportive network.
  7. Thou shalt switch off and do nothing regularly.
  8. Thou shalt be boring, untidy, inelegant and unattractive at times.
  9. Thou shalt NOT even feel guilty.
  10. Especially, thou shalt NOT be thine own worst enemy, but be thy best friend.
I ought to tape that to my desk! The rest of that page is great too. I can't post a link, but if you Google "stress warning signs ptsd commandments", it's the top link. Thank you for pointing out the necessity of self care. I think switching my mindset from "what do I need to get done" to "what is causing me discomfort/stress and how can I reduce it" and shifting my focus from quality of work to quality of life will probably do wonders. As for your problem with prioritizing, have you ever heard of The Freedom Planner? I can't recommend it enough. When you first start to use it, it's all a jumble for about a year. Eventually you get the hang of adjusting your goals and activities, splitting up projects into smaller tasks, and prioritizing based on urgency and importance.

Planning my self-care activities might help me so I actually stick to them and see them as a necessity, as may talking to my professors about what I'm dealing with.

Thank you so much, each and every one of you, for your help. This made my day!!! <3 I hope you all have a really good, symptom-free night!
 
Hello, dear :)
I think everyone here already gave you really good advice.

But still I want to tell you that I totally feel you, I still feel bad because I couldn't give my everything, thankfully my teachers gave me support.

I left college for a year until I can stabilize because my anxiety started giving me problems with my guts...
My university gives you that option.

I still go often to some classes or to the library.

Remember that your health is first and good luck!
 
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