PTSD, Trauma, & Themes - Abandonment

[Freida]

@No More losing my t would mean starting over with someone new. Which would suck!
It took me a long time to trust her, so her just randomly bailing on me would be really tough to deal with.
Her having to move me to someone else because she felt she wasn't helping, however, wouldn't be as bad.

I think the abandonment thing is more when your t bails and you don't understand why... maybe?

 

[whiteraven]

’m curious (lol, me - curious! Red letter day ) about what exactly people mean when they fear abandonment by their therapist?

I think, for me, if my therapist bailed on me, I'd feel completely and utterly without support. I am at a point where I canNOT find someone else, so that loss would be devastating to me.

 

[No More]

I’ve been having a good think about this and using the AI and it’s really hot on this topic.
I had mashed up physical abandonment (literally being left to your fate, whether that be to live or die) and emotional abandonment (emotionally being left alone & unsupported) into some weird mix of the two where neither really made sense to me.
My experience was physical abandonment, so it makes sense why emotional abandonment doesn’t really resonate in the same way with me as they are two different things. Physical abandonment at the minute I poked around in my head and realised I feel nothing about that particular incident, no feelings at all. Just blank. Which means there probably are feelings in there somewhere, and they’re going to bite me on the butt, or they are biting me on the butt and I haven’t put 2+2 together yet.


Edit : I think my brain is doing a little jig. My 2+2 might of just clicked. So would fear of physical abandonment explain why I have a fear of being in close proximity to/close friends/close colleagues with people whom I judge (and sorry, no offence meant here, at all, it’s all me) would be the type to have trouble saying no, having my back, being able to physically fight with me - essentially anyone I think might either freeze, give in or leave me to it, rather than fight with me???

 

[Friday]

I hope this doesn’t come across as patronizing but this is is quite endearing! It seems outside of PTSD land to me so I’m curious who else deals with it. I’m especially curious about people with complex or developmental PTSD who might have it.

It’s pretty common amongst vets, cops, fire/EMS. Tends to pair really strongly with survivors guilt. Protective personalities. Also tends to happen with older -or scrappy- siblings in abusive homes. Those who feel it’s their place to stand between others and pain, blame themselves when they fail at it. Gut themselves for not being there, if/when needed. Being 1,000 miles away only makes it worse.

That’s still a very small triangle in the ptsd-pie.

 

[Freida]

Tends to pair really sstrongly with survivors guilt.

ya --- and survivors guilt is all about how what I didn't do to save someone else, so I guess it's another layer of abandonment issues. Who knew?

hose who feel it’s their place to stand between others and pain, blame themselves when they fail at it. Gut themselves for not being there, if/when needed.

yep.
Many, many dispatchers feel guilty when an officer or firefighter gets hurt because it's our job to keep them safe. And when we can't? When something goes catastrophically wrong? Even if I was 50 miles away locked in a comm center and my only contact was by radio and there wasn't a damn thing I could do and they got hurt because they did something stupid? It still felt like I abandoned them by not doing my job.

Oh look! more issues!!!

 

[Tinyflame]

I don't really understand the difference exactly between neglect, indifference, abandonment or abuse, but they seem to be blurry lines. I can understand neglect from childhood (required); i can categorize abuse sustained (physical, emotional, psychological); I can question indifference (from family members and others). At some level (short of leaving someone behind to save yourself under threat), there all seem to me to produce a certain sense of abandonment- that however I would never call abandonment (or betrayal, like the other thread). No one is required to care about another, but if your family denied your existence, it feels like abandonment. When those who are supposed to be loving abuse, it feels like betrayal and abandonment. When even the last person left to trust is indifferent and deceitful, it feels like abandonment.. Perhaps it alludes to the non-existence of a person. Just as they say stone walling denies the actual existence of the other person, to the degree of saying they are not human. I think that is a basic, but I don't know what to call it. I have lived with the consequences, but Idk how to categorize it. Except I suppose dehumanizing at worst and indifferent and uncaring at best. But just as equally, the indifference becomes contagious if it happens enough or breaks enough trust. JMHO though. Not something the head chooses but to some degree the heart and mind, there is no other option.

 

[scout86]

because it's our job to keep them safe.

It is? Really??? I thought your job was to take calls, figure out if someone needed to be sent, decide who that would be, then send them. I didn't realize you were also responsible for deciding NOT to send people if they might get hurt. How does that work?

 

[Freida]

@scout86 well ya, there is that

But it's true - the sense of what we "owe" them vs the actual job duties don't always line up with reality

 

[Tinyflame]

(Un)fortunately @Freida that's a great part of what made you exceptional at it, too. It's dedication and tremendous empathy and compassion. Going very hard on yourself, too.

 

[Freddyt]

fear of BEING abandoned, rather than a fear/belief of abandoning others. But the second is what I deal with. And? I seem to have somehow conferred, to my great regret.

That's not an angle of abandonment I ever considered - ever. More stuff for therapy because is that what it felt like? The fear of abandoning others? That I wasn't there...when needed....because all the mess after trauma, the surgery and months away from home, crap...