Relationship Ptsd Treatment Stole More Of Him

[natsy]

Hi I'm new to this and this is my first post anyone who could offer some help please reply and thank you in advance.

Here is some brief history.

I met my partner 5 years ago we tried a short relationship but I didn't like the fact he was always away so we remained friends. Then he decided to leave the army and we decided to try again. That was 3 years ago we had a daughter who is now 3. ( I have 3 children who class him as there dad) He officially left 2 years ago.

At first he struggled to find work which caused some tension but after our relationship was great and we decided to have another baby. She is now 9 months. From Christmas just gone he changed slowly at first isolating us and became angry. He has always suffered nightmares then recently there was 3 incidents: one he shouted in my face then he put a pillow over my head and was hitting it; then he came in shouting and kick a stair gate off the wall. My son called the police then social care got involved. He has since been diagnosed with combat ptsd and has started a program as a domestic violence perpetrator.

Things started moving forward then he started emdr and cbt everything has fallen apart. His symptoms are worse than ever can't even hold a conversation. Angry at everything and has shut me out completely. I feel like I've lost him. He has 2 session then I called his therapist to say how bad it's made him and she has given him 2 weeks break. A week on he is getting back to how he was before he started this latest therapy. I'm so unsure about our future and social services are watching our every move anyone further along a similar road?

 

[Meadowsweet]

You don't make it clear if you are still living with him. But, for the safety of yourself and your children, I think you need to be living apart from each other. It doesn't mean you need to split up, but you need to be safe - and he needs to be safe from the damage he could do also.

Recognising that he has an illness that is currently out of control is a positive step, but it is just the first step and it doesn't stop the danger of him losing control straight away.

I haven't experienced combat, so I don't react as somebody re-experiencing combat trauma may do (my reaction is flight or fawn, rather than fight). But, my symptoms did get worse during therapy, as the traumas resurfaced.

We can try very hard not to have those symptoms, and this is why people give up or avoid therapy - because it makes them feel worse. But it's a bit like having surgery, To get the worst of the feelings of trauma out, causes intense pain that's like constant noise in the mind, but they will make him very ill if they are left in there. So the threat of his symptoms getting sparked off is real. And because his reaction is to fight his war in the home, I think that is a real threat to you.

 

[natsy]

Hi thanks for your reply we do live apart at the moment as like you said this is not under control and the safety of me and the children do come first, since starting therapy it seems like there is no emotional connection between us and he is not communicating like he was before the therapy started. Even tho I know he has to do therapy in order to get to a place that maybe we can live as a family again I'm wondering if he is going to be this cut off from me for the whole therapy or does this block go away? I'm wondering if anyone else has had a relationship that was affected in this way and did you make it through?

 

[Meadowsweet]

There is a strong possibility that he will block himself off from you whilst in therapy. Given that his episodes can turn violent, maybe he is doing the best he can by blocking you off so he doesn't hurt you?

I think if you want to find people who also have partners with PTSD from combat, then you need to go to the supporters forums. This is the PTSD relationships forum, and there is a separate combat PTSD site, so few people here have PTSD from combat.
There is a section in the supporters forum to discuss relationships and find support from a spouses perspective. It may be that the moderators will move this there.

 

[Sighs]

I haven't been through this with my combat PTSD partner but my understanding is that it gets a whole lot worse before it gets better. But that means the therapy is doing what it needs to do and he is working through things. For your own safety and the safety of your children you may need some time apart.

 

[natsy]

How do I get there please

 

[Sighs]

one day at a time...

 

[natsy]

We are living apart and it feels terrible, It has got to be this way for our safety but it feels like I'm pushing him away when I should be holding him close I asked for help from social care and unfortunately in the UK there doesn't seem to be any support for families the vet is just seen to be a perpetrator of dv and the bigger picture is not looked at we have muddled through this far but it's been blind

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

@natsy I moved your thread into the supporters section. Please be mindful of where you post. Posting in the correct section will get more helpful replies.

Best wishes.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Posting in the correct section will get more helpful replies.

Lol thanks a lot - we try but we are idiots over in the other section :eek: (I am only joking - I'm sure you didn't mean it that way :whistling:)