Relationship Push pull from a combat vet with ptsd

[Freida]

Sometimes I just don't want contact. There doesn't have to be a reason - because ptsd works without reason. The other person may not have done anything wrong, but for whatever reason my alarm bells are ringing and I move on.

One thing that will make me run is someone who wants to "save me." Yea...that puts way to much pressure on me. I'm a person, not a project. It tells me they don't like me for who I am, but what they think they can make me.

And yep - it's totally unfair. To both of us :(

 

[Sweetpea76]

I was very very sad. What was the point of me thinking about him and reconnecting? I was wondering if it was the work of a high devine since I also work with Brain Injury survivors that maybe I can be a friend.

I think you’re romanticizing the idea of helping this guy out. This is not going to be a happy ending where friendship and understanding is going to make him better. Nothing is going to “make him better” except him working on his own mental health. That’s something you cannot talk anybody in to doing. He is going to have to get to the point where he wants to do so on his own, and then it is a long, difficult process from there. He may never want to work on it. Even if he does, he may never be any better than he is now. You may be familiar with TBI, but you need to be familiar with PTSD as well to understand. TBI+PTSD is a whole new animal. They exacerbate each other.

As supporters, the relationships we have with our sufferers... be them romantic, familial, or friendship... only work if they trust us and allow us in. As you’ve heard, trying to fix or help is not gonna earn a lot of trust. There is no way we can understand because we didn’t experience what they did, no matter how educated we are about things in an outside or academic/abstract sense. I love somebody with PTSD and TBI very much. I’ve read a ton and done a lot of research. I’ve observed him for years, watching his reactions and symptoms. I’ve been to medical appointments with him and know about his treatment in intimate detail. I still have zero clue what having PTSD is like, because I don’t have it.

At the end of the day all I can do is offer an ear and comfort, and that’s only if he lets me.

 

[Kirstine]

I appreciate your feedback so much. You made me see things clearly. I feel better now. I am moving forward definitely.?