Relationship Push pull from a combat vet with ptsd

[RottieMama]

Thank you all for the responses, wisdom and care. The last 10 days have been a whirlwind. He started saying he knew he was making the wrong decision and I tried to be supportive of his original decision. I kept telling him to look at it all in a positive way and I even began to think myself that this could be a good thing for him and me. I offered to have him stay at my house for 2 weeks at the start of April before he left so he didn't have to pay rent for those 2 weeks... that was the plan... His emotions however spiraled and he was in/out of work, erratic, angry, etc. It was like a lot came out and he didn't seem to remember anything he said or did. He then came at me with accusations, anger, words that no one should ever hear. It was constant... finally at 5am on Tuesday this week he started in again... I just couldn't take it any more. I had to put my foot down and said no more. For a good chunk of the day I got repeated texts saying I was a whore, a b**ch, a dog killer, etc etc. Then towards the end of the day it was sobbing voicemails apologizing... I never responded - decided I would go cold turkey (per the trauma bonding)... every day since I've gotten voicemails and texts saying how sorry he is, how he knows he's at fault for everything, he knows he's lost me, he knows that I need to get away from him, he wants me to be happy, etc. Then today I got a voicemail saying he's left the state, returning to his state for 2 weeks before he leaves for his hike. I decided I need to call him to say goodbye and be safe because frankly, I do care, and I am worried him. We spoke for a bit and he seemed to be in a stable state.

While I know that this was 100% unhealthy, and I know that he has serious work to do, it is hard. It is very hard.

Thank you to everyone who has commented on this post. I do plan to stay true and have no contact. It's best for both of us. If you don't mind, will you take a minute and just pray for him? He's going to do the 6 month Continental Divide trek and it's not easy and most don't finish. I know he could use prayers for healing and for his safety on the trek.

 

[Justmehere]

Thank you to everyone who has commented on this post. I do plan to stay true and have no contact. It's best for both of us. If you don't mind, will you take a minute and just pray for him?

Will do. Kudos to you for all the work to sort this out and let him go. :hug:

 

[Freida]

You did good! And I can't even imagine how hard this was for you ..... I hope you get a chance to get some rest and decompress. This has been a lot for YOU to deal with as well as him. Please make sure you have some self care set up so you can relax.....

 

[Kirstine]

Hi. I would like some advise. I reconnected with a guy who is a veteran. I have not spoken with him over 15 years. I am aware of his tbi and ptsd with suicidal ideation, depression and was on anger management. We were talking for over a month, then he was gone. He cut me off in his life. I was very very sad. I wish I could have a long-term friendship with him since I am married and I don't see myself romantically involved with him. Can anybody please tell me if I still send him a card on his birthday and Christmas just to make him aware that I am still around being a friend. I am worried about his depression and suicidal tendency. I just want to save a soul.

 

[Sweetpea76]

There is no harm in sending Birthday or Christmas cards as long as he specifically didn’t ask you to stop contacting him. He may very well not respond though.

I just want to save a soul.

I would drop this mindset though. You can’t save him. He has a mental illness. You can’t fix him, save him, or make him better. All you can do is be a friend.

 

[Kirstine]

Thank you for all your input. The truth is I met him online 14 years ago. Last October, I thought about him because of hearing the news about Syria. I checked on google and there saw him featured on the news. I contacted him on fb messenger. We were talking, he opened up about his symptoms with ptsd and tbi, shared a little journal he wrote so I will understand why I have not heard from him for over a decade. He was very sad at christmas eve since he was alone. After christmas he blocked me all of a sudden. I was very very sad. What was the point of me thinking about him and reconnecting? I was wondering if it was the work of a high devine since I also work with Brain Injury survivors that maybe I can be a friend.

 

[EveHarrington]

I just want to save a soul.

Noooooo.

We don’t want to be saved.

There’s also the issue of you being married. He may not want to be friends with a married woman.

 

[Kirstine]

Noooooo.

We don’t want to be saved.

There’s also the issue of you being married. He may not want to be friends with a married woman.

But he told me beforehand that it was fine that I'm married because he is not finding any romantic involvement with anybody which really works so well for me.

 

[EveHarrington]

I just know that when I was single, it was always an issue having a male friend who wasn’t single. Yes, some make it work.......but if he ever had feelings for you in the past, this is where I’d lay my money, regardless of what he says.

 

[Kirstine]

I just know that when I was single, it was always an issue having a male friend who wasn’t single. Yes, some make it work.......but if he ever had feelings for you in the past, this is where I’d lay my money, regardless of what he says.

I cannot say he has feelings for me. And neither do I. It's purely friendship.

 

[EveHarrington]

Ok I was just giving you a reason why he may not be talking to you. If you want to shoot down my suggestion and say it can’t be true, that’s fine. But don’t automatically assume he’s not talking to you because he has ptsd.

 

[Kirstine]

Im sorry please don't take my responses in a worng way. I do appreciate your input. It's something that I just need to contemplate about.