And no amount of self-care makes this feel ok.
I'm the one with PTSD in my relationship and what you've said here really touched me. You've made a perfect argument for the other side... i have to thank you and commend you for your bare honesty here. I don't know how you guys deal with us honestly. But your love, patience and understanding had to have changed your partner on some level and they will be forever a little softer having known you.
For the original poster... my advice? None. I do push pulls all the time. It's part of this. Trust a push as a need for space and not to expose you to more hurt. Trust a pull as insecurity or remorse. Ig that's all i have