Question about abuse

[Lin74]

So, I've been through a lot in relationships with men who have been abusive (physically and emotionally). Even if it's not fully abusive, I just feel that I'm treated with a lot of disrespect and I'm trying to figure out if it's something I'm doing. My most recent situation is minor in comparison to past issues and we weren't fully dating, but basically he told me he was leading me on, that I wasn't worth it, I needed a boyfriend not some guy just looking for sex and then he promptly started posting pictures of a hiking date he was on with the women he chose over me (knowing I'd see them) I've totally gone off the deep-end and into a full fledged depression. I ended up losing a position because I couldn't focus properly. Background: I was hit by a car 14 months ago and broke my knee. He knew I was recovering when he started talking to me. We had dated previously to this, fully, so I thought I could trust him to an extent.

We're both in our 40s. And I'm just tired of being treated poorly. I just want to understand.

 

[Friday]

I just feel that I'm treated with a lot of disrespect and I'm trying to figure out if it's something I'm doing.

Almost guaranteed.

Doing What?

Staying.

Usually it starts off pretty early. Small things in first meetings and first dates that make others cross PersonX off their potential-date-list. Tiny things, more often than not, which on the surface are 'no big deal'. A look, a tone of voice, something they said, or did. Other times it's a collection of things that build up over time. Most relationships "fail" in the first 6mo. There are a lot of watershed moments in dating. Most of them? Happen in the very beginning. Most of the rest? Happen at around 6mo, and then again at about 2-3 years.

People who are in a series of bad relationships? Can usually look backwards at their dating history and see time and time and time again where they either didn't notice the small signs, or didn't think they had the right to call game over something "small".

Does staying with someone (for a 2nd date or a 2nd year) mean that you're making them treat you like shit? Nope. It means you're sticking around for them treating you like they want to. It's not like you're climbing into their head and puppet-mastering wonderful people into being assholes. How THEY treat people (including yourself) isn't something you have control over. That's not your fault, or your responsibility. That's 100% on them.

 

[Lin74]

Thank you. You're right, and I am getting better at getting out sooner but.. I sometimes wonder if I'm being oversensitive? Or when is it a behaviour that can be worked through vs. something I should just run from? I know with my depression/ptsd that there are things I do that I hope a partner would be accomodating of or just support me in working on. So, there are some things I encounter where I want to give a potential partner that same acceptance - but it inevitably winds up that I get manipulated or treated poorly for it. This is confusing as I certainly don't do that to other people. If I've got an issue I expect support, not for someone to accept me treating them shoddy. Not sure if that made sense.

 

[Fadeaway]

If you have to "work through stuff" early on, that is a good sign the relationship is already sunk.

 

[LuckiLee]

When I divorced I dated a guy for about 5 weeks. He was a little possessive and kinda rude a couple of times. I told a friend of mine and she said give him another chance. I knew I shouldn't because it was inevitable it would happen again. And it did. After that I used a 2 strikes and you're out rule.

Be kind to yourself.