Sufferer Question About Severe Anger When Woken

[TiredNangry]

Hello, I am completely new here and I wanted to post after reading a few different forums. I am currently battling with severe anger when woken. I never thought it would relate to PTSD because I couldn't think of any way that PTSD related to my situation.

This morning I was taking a nap when my 2 year old son ran into the room, my husband was chasing him trying to catch him. Long story short, I was jolted out of my sleep and suddenly (once again) I was just over taken with rage and anger. It mostly comes out towards my husband rather than my son, but it still gravely concerns me. I start yelling and saying mean things, then before I know it I hate myself and I want to cry.

I am normally a happy person and I try to avoid situations that will upset me so it's surprising how much this affects me. My question for all of you is, I am now starting to think this "problem" is related to when I was just a toddler, maybe 3 or 4. My mom used to think it was really funny to buy horrifying masks from Halloween and she would put them on, sneak into my room, and start screaming in my face, ultimately waking me in terror.

All my life it has given me fears of the dark, bad dreams, and horrible thoughts of people breaking into my house at night. As I grew up she continued to wake me in really unpleasant ways, like screaming in my face for something when I was passed out in bed.

This anger when being woken was always annoying but never a huge issue in my life. Now that I am married and I am a Mother, it is becoming a big problem and I just feel terrible. Is this something I need to seek therapy for? I'm sorry if this post is redundant, I am new to this forum and I am just desperate to speak with people who might be experiencing something similar.

Is there anything I can do to combat this? I am starting to think I need to talk to a therapist or something to try and work through these issues. I don't want to be that parent that you are afraid to wake up. Anyone who can give me advice, I would truly appreciate it. Feeling like a mean wife and mother :(

 

[Leah123]

Hello. I'm a mother of a seven (almost eight) year old daughter. I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now. I began therapy primarily to work on the outbursts of anger I had toward her. One of the things that triggers them is being woken up too much, or her getting into my face, in a way that's playful to her, but due to my history feels very threatening to me, so I can relate to your experience.

It definitely wasn't an issue before I became a mother. So many things are harder now, sigh.

I personally recommend therapy for it. It took me years to get into regular therapy- I'd contact a counselor or parent hotline once or twice, then stop when the momentary crisis ended. But I couldn't get a handle on my angry outbursts by myself. I've been seeing a therapist for three months now, and I'm finally starting to feel as if I'm making some progress. It's slow and very difficult, but well worth it.

I feel like a very mean wife and mother too, but my therapist tells me it's my trauma and my anger that are the monsters, not me, and that really I am a good, loving mother. This is true, most of the time. My failures are many less than my successes, but I imagine you feel like me, that failing your child even once just isn't good enough. I'm bound to make mistakes anyway as a mother, I'd rather not cut myself any slack on the issues I can work to improve.

Sending support and sympathy your way!

P.S. There are lots of anger management techniques, from short term coping strategies to lifestyle changes, others might have more to offer about those. I found, though, that I needed therapy to really address the big issues.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

Can I ask if you have been diagnosed with PTSD? I do think it would be helpful to talk to a professional who could refer you to a therapist. Until then make yourself at home here and read the threads are articles and enjoy the support.

 

[safenow]

Hi,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum. Girl. I know exactly what you are talking about. We tend to revert back to our own early years.

I do recommend you seek out a good therapist and ask for help with anger management. It sure helped me. I was tortured constantly as a small child, and it took me years to face the fact that I could end up doing that to anyone. But once I got it that the threat was there, I got help immediately. I'm sure glad I did. I agree with everything Leah said as well.

I'm sure in every other way you are a good mother. Don't risk what might happen. And it is not just your child, it is your marriage at stake as well.

Good Luck,
Safenow

 

[just me here]

I can relate to the anger at awakening. My first trauma was a complete upheaval and total change in my family after my mother died. At the age of eleven I was subject to my mothers death followed by a new stepmother, two new step sisters within a year of my age (older and younger), a new religion, a new school, new house, a new town, new clothes, food, rules, basically everything.

My days were an unending cycle of things that I hated, resented, did battle with and got punished by. Looking back I know I was suicidal, I took crazy chances and made many poor choices. The 3 years I lived at home before I was legally able to earn a living on my own were an eternity of fighting and hatred and being punished mostly for my refusal of the new religion.

I would wake up and my first thought was "dammit, another day of hell on earth". Every day, every long and hateful day.

I was waking up in my parents house almost every morning until I was 50. I had to ground myself by touching my wifes face, looking at my alarm clock, reminding myself I was far away from ever being subject to that kind of repression again.

Therapy, specifically EMDR has helped. Knowing I suffered from PTSD was the start. I no longer wake up in a full adrenaline laden anger, I am far less likely to awaken and say "dammit". Hope this is a relateable experience, hope you find a relief of some kind. I know how bad it is to have your first thought be "I wish I hadn't woke up to this anger yet another day". It sucks.

 

[safenow]

Excellent testimony, just me here. I'm glad to hear you are doing better. Good advice as well.

safenow

 

[intothelight]

Hi TiredNAngry,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

Talking to a therapist should help as they may have some suggestions you can implement to reduce the anger. I hope you find some specific information here that is beneficial to your healing.

Take care.

Debbie

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum.