Question For Sufferers

[Glara]

I feel like I keep asking some version of the same question over and over again.

What makes you talk to your supporter at night like everything is ok and then the next morning, nothing? What happens inside you that causes this?

 

[Deleted member 27340]

That is something common for all people, not only PTSD.

When we're tired we tend to more easily talk about our feelings and say things impulsively, I cannot quite remember why. It also has something to do with less input at night, hence more thoughts to deal with.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

What do you mean "then the next morning nothing"?

Is it just the next morning that he isn't communicating because uhm, if you need that constant communication, I'd say to leave the relationship. I'm going on a month of a shutdown right now and I can't guarantee that I'll talk to anyone. I keep meaning to reconnect with people, but then just say "eh" and think I'll do it later. I fully expect some of them to be gone when I choose to contact them again. I'm ok with that (for now).

 

[Justmehere]

It varies for every person. Sometimes I don't respond to someone because of reasons having nothing to do with PTSD. Sometimes I'm just being more introverted and just need to recharge alone. Sometimes everything is still ok.

Sometimes it is the PTSD. It's draining to fight PTSD symptoms. If someone with cancer didn't reply so much, most people would understand that it might be because fighting the cancer is draining.

Sometimes it's a PTSD shutdown.

You do keep asking about this is various ways, and that's ok. It's hard to understand, even for suffers who do it. It's very ok to keep asking about it. I think it is why to seek to understand what is really happening, not just what feels like is happening.

In the end, only he can really say why he does this, and you may never know for sure if he isn't willing to tell you.

In addition to asking why he does this, there is also maybe another question to ask, that may be just as important. I don't mean this in any harsh or judgmental way - but one with care and concern for all that you are going through, and a real respect for your perseverance. I think it might be good to explore why you stay with someone who so chronically abandons you, rather someone that can be there to be the steady consistent engaged person you really legitimately want. I don't think you should leave or stay with him - but just that whatever you do, it's worthwhile looking into why you do stay, what is happening for you as well - and it might help sort it all out more for you.

And if I am totally off track, feel free to disregard my suggestion. :)

 

[scout86]

I'll second the notion that you DO keep asking and that's ok. But, make sure you're also working on processing the answers in your own head too, because that's where they have to live, ultimately. Also be sure you're not doing the thing where a person keeps asking the question until they get an answer they like. (Not saying you are, just that it happens.) And, last but not least, the answer to some questions is "I just plain don't get this, at least not yet."

But, to try to answer the question. It's really 2 questions, in my mind, because you're talking about 2 different points in time. In the evening (or any other time) if I'm talking to someone like "everything is ok" it very well might mean that everything is ok. It also might mean that the "not ok" stuff is within my capacity to deal with it, so I am. (Because in MY version of reality, my problems are my problems and I'm the one who should deal with them, They aren't stuff that I want to burden anyone else with.) It also might mean that I haven't actually noticed that something's looming on the horizon as an issue, so I THINK everything is fine and will continue to act accordingly, until something blows up in my face. (Or, it begins to affect my behavior, even though I have no idea that anything's bothering me, much less what it is.).

The next morning? Maybe a really bad night's sleep intervened. I might be tired. I might be still fighting the saber toothed tigers from my dreams. I might have had the time to stop and THINK about what I said the night before and be busy berating myself for having said it (for a variety of reasons).

I hope you can find the answers you're looking for!

 

[somerandomguy]

I don't care for questions that basically begin "Why do you people ..." as if everyone who has PTSD presents or does things exactly the same way. Seems like the apex of rudeness, but that's just me.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I kind of felt the same was as @somerandomguy . I don't stop communicating to some extent with my husband. I mean I don't always tell him everything I am thinking or feeling that's related to my PTSD, but I will still talk and interact. I may take breaks away from my family by hiding out in a different room, but I usually tell my husband first that I need to be alone. Sometimes though after sharing something really intense, I will freak out and feel like he's going to hate me now because he knows... or he will be too overwhelmed by... or I am feeling way too vulnerable about... and that will cause me to be less communicative, though I will usually just go about things as if everything is normal. Everyone is different and I think the only person who can answer that is the one you are trying to support, but explaining things is hard.

 

[Intrepid]

Damned PTSD is unpredictable. Supporter, but the way, means a lot of different things to me.

Could your question be in hopes of having control, or predictability? Well, if that's the case, (and I'm making some big assumptions here so sorry if I'm wrong) then you may not get what you want.

I wish my supporters could have given me a little more predictability or control concerning my symptoms. But that doesn't happen. Sometimes the people closest to you make the worst "supporters" because they have needs that can conflict with what we who have PTSD do to survive.

 

[Em C.]

Well PTSD triggering nightmares would be one cause. A lot of things can happen during the night and sometimes PTSD nightmares can further scar people even if what's happening in the nightmares isn't real.

 

[Glara]

He insists he doesn't have nightmares. I'm just trying to understand what goes on his head and where my mind should be. I'm trying to figure out if it's ptsd or something else. Before I knew about the PTSD, when he started to pull away I confronted him. I was careful in what I said but basically I said I wasn't going to be strung along. If he decides he's ready for more he knows where to find me. He got very emotional and started texting all kinds of things that didn't even make sense. I could tell he was emotional so I dropped it. A few days later he told me. Now I never know how to respond to what he does. And I'm never sure if it's ptsd. I'm not trying to be insulting to any sufferers, I just don't really understand what he thinks and feels and I can't help but wonder if it's all ptsd.

 

[Justmehere]

How does he respond when you ask him what is going on for him?

 

[Glara]

@Justmehere it depends. Lately it's mostly been about how he's not sleeping. I know he's struggling and that's why it's so hard.