Question For Sufferers

[joeylittle]

I'm just trying to understand what goes on his head and where my mind should be. I'm trying to figure out if it's ptsd or something else.

At a certain point, I don't think it matters. It doesn't sound like you and he have good communication regardless; you are always wondering what he's thinking, and he is always over-communicating emotionally or just silent. Correct me if I'm wrong. This, plus didn't he say he wanted to either break up or have serious time apart recently? I think you might just need to take a for-real, no-contact break from each other, PTSD or no.

 

[Glara]

@joeylittle what he said was that I shouldn't wait for him, he may never change. That was right after he took his gun with him to the woods to end it all. I answered I'd still be here for him and I was still going to text him everyday, which I previously told him I'd do to check on him because he was suicidal. He then answered he's not running away, all is good. So I don't know. After all that he started texting a lot and checking in a lot. Now the last couple of days, not so much. I'm just confused.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think you may have told him you didn't want to be strung along, but based on your posts, you're very willing to put up with "guy stringing woman along" behavior. That is, your actions don't match your words.

 

[Intrepid]

And the confusion will continue, not because what's in you, but because what's in him.

Here is how I understand my own symptoms: the confusion is horrible in me, and I let people know what my feelings are the best I can, through images, lashing out, and other seemingly odd behavior.

If I can't do that, or if for the moment I am not buried by the flashbacks, I say everything is fine.

Either way my ability to express myself is hampered. It isn't my "supporter's" fault that he or she can't "get it". Hell, I can't get it.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

Nightmares are a symptom of ptsd could it be that the person you're talking about has nightmares and therefore is dealing with that in the morning. I think ultimately you are asking a huge range of people the experiences they have with regard to ptsd but no one is exactly the same. Maybe you are asking the wrong people. if the sufferer you are referring to seems more talkative and responsive in the evening ask then why they are not in the morning. You need to speak to them not us.

 

[Glara]

@Solara I said that before I knew he has ptsd. I still don't want to be strung along, but I'm not sure that's what's going on. I mean, I guess in the end it feels the same to me either way, but it's different if it's not a game. I had no idea what PTSD was about except for nightmares and flashbacks. I certainly didnt know about the push and pull on relationships. And how on earth do I ask about what he wants from me he's not sleeping for weeks at a time and he's suicidal? The fact that it's long distance is what keeps me sane, because I do have a life of my own. But that doesn't mean it's not emotional and confusing. I am still trying to understand what goes inside him, it's what I need to do to figure out what goes on inside of me.

 

[Justmehere]

If what is happening for you is very dependent on what is happening for him, then it could be a very co-dependent relationship.

 

[Friday]

Honestly I flashed in my mind to the meme "Some people want to have full conversations in the morning... And it's okay to kill these people."

ETA... Meaning, even outside of PTSD, not everyone is chatty in the morning. Even if they're morning people, they may well be on a mission (Workout, shit shower shave, days schedule, bust out several hours of work or errands... And only after they've accomplished XYZ amount are they able to relax into a convo). Others, like me who are not morning people (that inconvenient time between night and noon), may really need 3 hours of being up and moving to really be human... except on rare occasions. Even if I'm showered, dressed, and in public. In the smoke pit, this was always super obvious. Some people are bright eyed and driven, others bright eyed and gabbing, while my set either did the eye flicker and nod, the full on leeeeeean (still half asleep, onto the nearest warm body), or simply glare at people. Lol. So not a morning person, here. Not all who are up early, are. These days? Far worse. PTSD has hijacked my sleep, and I never know in what mood I'm going to wake up. Good day? Angry day? Suicidal day? Manic day? Roll the dice. And what starts out as any kind of day can -kapow!- quickly morph into something else under stress or a trigger. It's a toss up. And nightmares don't predict it. I've had amazing days after shitty nights. And terrible days after great nights. And vice versa. It's just not part of my pattern

 

[Tanishq]

Glara it seems you need to work out communication with him so you can understand him. He is trying to tell you and at your side you are having difficult time understanding it. May be start by accepting it all. Do you accept the things he says to you?

Edited: For me, if a friend told me that they are really there, only then I can open up to themselves. Trust matters a lot to me. I would also check if the friend is really there or not. Person's presence makes difference to me.

 

[Glara]

@FridayJones he is a morning person, his work day starts at 6. He used to text me every morning when he first woke up the a little later but still every morning. My concern is since he's pulled back and become suicidal. I've been texting twice a day to check on him, which I told him I would do. When he doesn't
answer I get concerned that he's suicidal and if it's not that then I try to understand what might be going on with him. Believe me, I'm not one to have a cons versatile with anyone until after my morning coffee and shower.

I know I'm never really going to understand what he's going through, but I'm trying.

 

[scout86]

And how on earth do I ask about what he wants from me he's not sleeping for weeks at a time and he's suicidal?

You don't. The person you've described is in no shape to put any coherent energy into a relationship. I hesitate to say it, because it could come back to bite me someday, but the person you described here probably needs to be hospitalized. IMO, the most loving thing you could do for him would be to make those around him aware of what's going on. "Suicidal" and "sleep deprived" is a really bad combination. And it's not amateur night. This is a "kiddies, don't try this one at home" situation. When I think about the 2 good friends who've shot themselves in situations much like this, and I ask myself, who would have been the best "help", me or someone like my T? I'd say HIM! Beyond a shadow of a doubt, him. Even though I've seen PTSD from the inside and loved these guys to death (bad pun?) I wish they'd had competent professional help. Maybe they'd have lived to watch their kids grow up.

 

[bell]

@Glara, I have been in your position before. And it sucks.

But at the end of the day, you can't let someone else's actions hold you hostage. Why? Because you know that if they were well they would never want to hurt you like this. Because you don't deserve this. Because you can't make anyone else do anything. Because he is choosing to distance himself and not get the proper help he needs. (Yes, he is sick, but he is also not choosing to actively fix what's wrong.)

But at the same time, you are choosing to have this drama in your life, he isn't making you choose it. We all can tell you all of these things, but you aren't going to move on until you're ready, because we can't make you do anything either.

However, if he knew how much pain he was putting you in, he would probably hate that he ever got in contact with you in the first place. But, if you continue your life, while also letting him know that you are there for him (but are not going to contact him first again), you will be putting him at ease. Telling him that you love him but will not be contacting him first again makes him in control of your conversation, yet also allows you to go live your life and be free of this roller coaster. Worrying does him no good, it only will make you hate him the longer it goes on.

If you want to put both him and yourself at ease, trust him to do what is right for him. Although it's a giant kick in the arse, sometimes real honest love is letting go because that is what is best for him, no matter how much it may be tearing you up inside.