Zamboni, the answer to all of those for me is YES. Every single one of them.
1. There were times for me that I couldn't even take a walk. I couldn't figure out how I was going to get the girls dressed. Cooking was the absolute worse though. I would burn food because I would forget it. I would miss an ingredient altogether. There are so many examples. So when I actually had to do something that required quite a bit of thought, I would rest up before and afterwards. So it was the ONLY thing that got done that day. My therapist apointments were like that. She would say, "Well, you're looking good....but what else have you done today?" Busted.
2. Overwhelmed goes hand in hand with not being able to organize thoughts. They are linked together. Sometimes, though, overwhelmed stands by itself. There were times that just going pee seemed too much. That would mean I'd have to get out of bed, open doors, actually walk into the bathroom, and go pee, but the worst part was that I'd have to flush, and I knew that the noise would startle me (even though I knew that it would make noise...)
3. Little things like once I blew a gasket because my hub didn't kiss me goodbye before he went to work? I got mad, I cried. I thought he didn't love me anymore.....yada. Stuff like that? Then the answer is YES.
4. Don't trust others...yes. I have a whopping two friends besides my hub. It takes me a long time. I believe that your closest friends have to know about the ptsd because then, if they understand it, will understand how you may not be up to doing things....and not to take it personally. I have more now that I'm mostly on the other side of PTSD. It's easier to see the good in people and not the bad.
5. Keeping people at a distance is like above. My exterior looks do not reflect at all the ugliness that resides inside. I would put a smile on while everything else was dark. In order for people to get close, they would eventually know that darkness....and sometimes, it's just too much to handle to let someone that close.
6. Sometimes, I was just too exhausted from fighting that, yes, I would let my triggers effect me. I'd let it wash over me like a tide and I'd go ahead and do whatever I damn well felt like. There was a time when I sat in the corner in the basement and cried for several hours. The only thing I wouldn't allow myself to do in those instances was to end my life. (I think it's a good rule.)
7. Afraid of intimacy? YES, at first. Because I didn't want to lose the love if I got it. And IF I felt it. Those are a lot of IF's. Now, when my memories returned, they were of violent sexual assults, so as you can imagine, I started to push my husband away in all aspects of intimacy. But, after a lot of his help and pure determination to keep the marriage intact, I accepted his love and his touch again. He reminded me that touch can be loving. And that his touch especially is out of love.
8. That is a huge YES. If I would cry....even for just a few minutes, it would take two days to recover. Physcially. I'd be exhausted, I'd be pale, I'd lose my apetite, my eyes would be puffy, and I'd be way spacey. So yes...emotional shutdown is also very physical.
I hope that helps!
