Quit Therapist?

[Smile]

I don't know what to do. I moved states 9 months ago & had to stop seeing my T who I really liked and had been seeing for 3 years. About a month before I stopped with him, PTSD was tentatively suggested. After I moved and settled, starting seeing new
T. It's been about 7 months with him. I don't know if I'm progressing or "getting better".

I asked him a few weeks ago what he thinks of me trying EMDR. He said he's not licensed in it but that I can feel free to find someone who is. Not sure if that meant seeing both at the same time or to stop seeing him??

Anyway, yesterday we had a session in which I told him about a dream I had about accessing my childhood memories (no, I dont remember abuse). He ended up going into the whole spiel about how our goal is not to find out WHAT happened but to fix the effects it has had on me, that the chances of me recovering memories is questionable and should not be relied on. I HATE when people tel me that. When he started talking about this my mind immediately started thinking, "ok. I guess the only option I have left is suicide". I'm not sure why it bothers me so much. No, I didn't tell him what I was thinking. Session was almost over and I just wanted him to stop talking and I wanted to get out of there.

Do you guys think it's time for me to look for a T who specializes in... What? Childhood trauma? PTSD? EMDR?

And why can't my goal be to recover memories? If it doesn't hsppen, I'll find that out for myself but it's MY goal, MY session! No?!?!

 

[joeylittle]

And why can't my goal be to recover memories? If it doesn't hsppen, I'll find that out for myself but it's MY goal, MY session! No?!?!

Yes. Your goal, your session. I think you need a different therapist. You've been with him 7 months, that (in my opinion) is long enough to know whether or not you click, and whether or not you are comfortable enough with them (and they with you) to really get down to it.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Eh, no. The goal should never be to recover memories as you can't remember for a reason. If you go poking around and force these memories out, you may regret it. Not everyone recovers from opening Pandoras box. I've met others who regret forcing those memories to the surface as they became much worse and never really recovered from it. Remembering doesn't equate with recovery. If so, those of us who never forgot wouldnt have ptsd. I can attest to this not being true.

 

[scout86]

Your goal COULD be to recover memories, but for what purpose? "Memory" is kind of a fuzzy weird thing anyway. There are lots of eye witnesses to crimes who are sure the get away car was green, because that's the way they remember it, but the security camera clearly shows that it was red.

I tend to agree with your T, that it doesn't matter as much how you got to where you are, as it matter what you do now. Understanding how you got there can be helpful and validating (for some reason, I particularly dislike that word!). But, will remembering stuff change anything or fix anything?

 

[Smile]

@Solara @scout86 , of course I agree that remembering does not equal recovery. But it makes it easier be to narrow down "your" fears/triggers. Right now I just am petrified of everything. Which is exacerbated by my frustration in not knowing WHY.

I understand the risk of going too far, I've seen my reaction to getting to the blurry edge & know I am only human. But still. I'd rather go through that pain once in order to get on with my life.

Is there no reputable therapist out there that will agree to work with me on that?

 

[shaky]

Hi Smile. I understand your frustration. I agree with those who say the memories come when you are ready, but having said that I do think the type of therapist can have an influence (or maybe it's just the individual therapist). I started remembering things when I first had counselling with a psychodynamic counsellor (from what I understand psychodynamic means they think you are who you are because of what's happened to you) She didn't use any fancy techniques or anything. I think it was just her openness to believing me which allowed them to surface. However she was not so good at giving me a sense of being nurtured or helping me deal with the feelings, and I did end up in hospital because it all got too much. Nearly two decades later I'm a lot further on but now it is the feelings which need attention, and parts of me where I am strong which need feeding so they can grow. So I think it's a case of following your gut on this. Some people never remember details but that doesn't make their feelings any less valid. People are different. Some are just more feelings oriented, some are visual people, some are cognitively strong etc and I'm sure these aspects of a person's character can influence the way they experience things from their past too. I hope you feel your way becoming clearer soon. It's not a case of remembering and then getting on with your life afterwards, in my experience. It's a gradual thing and the most important part is putting you at the centre of the process not the other way around.

 

[Justmehere]

I saw general therapists for years. It was a long journey into more and more frustration and hopelessness for me and probably the therapists.

I have now seen a trauma specialist for 10 months. I have made more progress with her in 10 months than I did in years of previous therapy.

I highly suggest a therapist who specializes in trauma therapy when treating PTSD.

 

[shaky]

I forgot to say that I read a case study recently where a man who was experiencing unexplained anxiety and panic attacks went to an arts psychotherapist where during sand tray sessions a trauma from his very early childhood came to light. I understand arts therapy can be very powerful particularly when there has been a very early trauma. I wish I’d know about it when I first started getting help as I’ve had some since and have found it a very safe approach and very inner-child-friendly. Just thought I’d add this too, in case you feel drawn to it.

 

[Lucycat]

Have you heard of SMART goals?

Specific, - How many memories would be enough?
Measurable, -How would you know if you have them all?
Agreed upon,- well, yes you could agree with the therapist - maybe
Realistic- is this achievable? How can the therapist agree to help you work towards a goal they don't believe is achievable?
Time-based - how long do you give it? - until your run out of funds as a time-limit?

I do think EMDR is a very powerful therapy, and it has enabled me to 'access' memories that are unclear at the start. However my goal is about improved daily functioning and reduction of trigger effects - not to reclaim forgotten memories. From what you have stated I think EMDR with a proper qualified trauma therapist would be helpful, but only if you go into it with realistic expectations.

 

[FindingMyself88]

While I don't agree with that your main goal should be to recover memories, I do think you need to find a GOOD trauma therapist. I have complex trauma (MANY traumas over my whole life, abuse, etc). I have some memories, but when it comes to the abuse from my dad, the memories can be tricky and spotty. I found my new T in April and we worked for months on coping skills and gaining my trust before we started EMDR. We also did some of my single event traumas before diving into the big trauma (abuse) a few weeks ago. Up until now I had brief memories or flashbacks, but not full images or memories of the abuse. With the EMDR some of the memories are surfacing. The difference is, me and my T have established lots of coping skills AND she monitors me closely. I see her twice a week when we do EMDR. As some of the memories are coming up, my T says that is my brains way of telling me it is ready to process, BUT we are not forcing them to come up. In fact we do a lot of container exercises to make sure I stay safe during the week.

It is crazy difficult work to get to this point and is literally taking all I have. If you can find a good trauma therapist who establishes a foundation first, then EMDR might be a good idea, but only after months of foundation building. EMDR is not for everyone. For me, it has been beneficial.

Ultimately you can't rush the process. If your brain is ever ready to face what happened, it will come up. Don't force it though.

 

[joeylittle]

While I don't agree with that your main goal should be to recover memories, I do think you need to find a GOOD trauma therapist...If you can find a good trauma therapist who establishes a foundation first, then EMDR might be a good idea, but only after months of foundation building. EMDR is not for everyone.

I think what FindingMyself said is exactly right. With a trauma therapist, you'll get on the right process. I think right now you are really frustrated because your therapist isn't even validating your feelings about your memories, he's just moving you past them. Whether it's right to "dig in" and uncover things is a question only you and a therapist you trust can answer. But it starts with needing a therapist you trust who specializes in trauma.

 

[Smile]

Thank you all! Just to clarify: my goal is not to recover all memories but rather to recover all memories so that I can than work with a, kind of, clearer slate. I also feel tremendous guilt to "mini traumatized me" who I was not able to help at the time. And now, to be told that "mini traumatized me" is not important in my healing process makes me want to punch them in defense of that little child. I don't think of it as me but rather the way you would defend a defenseless child more than yourself.

Thanks for the wording of what tlype of T to look for. It's called a Trauma Therapist, correct? Also really glad to hear that EMDR works with lack of memories as well... I was under the impression that it was based on memories.

I really don't know if I'd still be here without y'all. What's the verbiage used when "thank you" does not suffice? :)