General Rages and Anger

[Cowgirl]

I'm working with how to set effective boundaries for rages. I'm sure that somewhere on this board are some very good suggestions for ways to set and enforce effective boundaries, but I've not managed to find them yet. If anyone would care to share how they go about setting boundaries for rage, I'd be very appreciative. When we are home and he launches into a rage, I find it most effective (and also best for me) to leave for a few hours and let him get it out of his system. But rages don't happen at the best times or under the best circumstances. Sometimes when we are out shopping together I pick up the signals that a rage is building, and I suggest we go home rather than continue shopping. But a couple of times I have missed the signals and he has blown up while we're in town shopping. Then, I'm in a quandary how to deal with it effectively. Thanks! Cowgirl

 

[Clive]

Rages

I am currently seeing a consulant psychologist to do with my PTSD and have been discussing rages in depth because I have them. It is very difficult control them but the psych pointed out I know when they are coming on and have to learn to recognise the flashpoint and walk away from them. However as you say that is not always possible.

I am lucky now to have a partner who is prepared to understand PTSD and to walk with me through it. She is very adept at dealing with my mood swing and finds absolutely non confrontation is best and will steer me out of harms way. I trust her so it helps.

My last partner - my wife of 18 years - just exaccerbated everything and argued it was all made up!

I would suggest all you can de is effectively recognise the triggers and work together to avoid them or move away if they are there.

 

[Cowgirl]

Thank you, Clive!

It is true that being confrontational is not a helpful thing when a PTSD sufferer is in a rage of anger. I have learned to notice the rages as they build, and before he explodes, but sometimes I miss the signals.

I'm still not clear on a lot of his triggers, however. Sometimes I think a trigger is one thing, and then later I think it is the opposite. He seems unclear on what exactly is triggering him also.

I'd appreciate any input from other carers on the subject. And, is there a place that is not accessible to the general public where one can post more detail?

Thanks!!

Cowgirl

 

[wildcritter44]

reaction to ? (the unknown)

HI, :hello:

I'm a spouse of a sufferer..He gets super angry and use to have super rages.. Definitely not fun.. His "triggers" were various things (due to being in the military) sights, sounds, smells, attitudes, voice tones, almost anything, rarely was it every time tho. :wall:

I find if it's possible to re-focuse them that's what works for ranger. Not always possible. I try to get him to go some place else or do something to get his mind ON something else. So he doesn't have to"over think" the situation.

Not all things work all the time or for others unfortunately. You'll have to find what works for your sufferer. As a carer, patience is great, tho sometimes it is very difficult to keep up. I have to take time out for my self. I read, take pictures, weld, build bird houses. Sometimes I go have a mother/daughter day w/my daughter and we go have lunch just talk.... :rolleyes: She's super as she is a flight communications specialist (dispatches medivac) and works as an EMT/firefighter so she sees and understands a lot of stuff....

hang in there...keep reading and know you are not alone...

suffers are looking for help and answers, just as much as us carers are doing the same..

I pray that we all find our answers...
Hugs to you all :Hug_emoticon:
Donna

 

[Cowgirl]

Thank you for your thoughts on this, Donna.:Hug_emoticon:

 

[Damiea]

Hi Cowgirl, There is a private section for carers. In your user CP area you can apply to join the group. Then one of the administraters will ok it and then you can get in.

 

[Cowgirl]

Thank you, Damiea. I've found it and applied, but Kathy isn't around to approve it.

Cowgirl

 

[Cowgirl]

Odd to answer my own thread, but I've recently found something that helps a lot, and so I share it for whatever it is worth to other carers. When I sense the anger ramping up, building up, simmering, etc. I just directly ask him not to go there, not to launch a rage. And, he's stopped. And we can redirect more easily. If I call attention to what I sense in him before it builds into something that is more difficult to control, then HE can look at it more rationally. It is helping much more than the redirecting without explaining WHY I was redirecting, which was my typical pattern before. Simple solutions are often the best, and the least obvious to ME! LOL! :)