Other Rape fantasy’s and older men

Vlinder

New Here
Hi, idk where to post this and I accidentally stumbled on here, it’s 7 am here and I haven’t slept since last night so apologies if it’s unchaotic.
So I’m a 15 year old female and I feel so f*cked up. I always have rape fantasy’s since I was very young, it went a way for a while but then it came back again when I was about 9.
Now I’m a pretty insecure person and when I was 12 or 13 or so I started sending nudes to people I’d talk to online cause I was looking for love and validation, and the month before I turned 15 i f*cked this guy 40 years older than me, I didn’t even really like it but I wanted to know what it was like. I always fantasize about f*cking a guy older than me, why I don’t know it’s not like anything bad ever happens to me so I don’t know why i have these fantasy’s and am attracted to older men.
Idk I just had to tell someone I feel like I’m going crazy
 
What you’re doing is really dangerous.

Something bad will happen if you keep doing it. And it won’t be glamorous, or cute, or something you’ll just recover from. It won’t be a turn on. It won’t be sexy. It won’t be anything like your fantasies.

[Edited: you don’t want to know examples that folks here have experienced]

If you have a school counsellor, or even a youth mental health space you can lean on? Do that. And take a break from your phone.

There’s some kind of issue going on for you. Get help with it, before you do some damage that you can’t recover from.

It’s not glamorous.

Fantasies are fine. But they’re fantasies. Not real life.

The people on this forum are the “life are real shit now, and every day is a f*cking nightmare” fallout of this things you’re playing games with. People with a health condition that won’t quit like a fantasy that you can choose to indulge, or not. You end up poor, unable to work, physical health problems that can’t be explained or treated, can’t afford the treatment you need anyway. You can’t sleep. You can’t hold down a relationship. You take a fistful of meds every day just to get by.

If you’re aspiring to that type of shit life, then you’re doing all the right things.
 
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I don’t know what the age of consent is where you are, but here (uk) that person is a peadophile and you can’t legally consent to have sex. He broke the law.
explicit photos are also illegal and anyone receiving your photos and storing them, are receiving child porn, that is also illegal.

can you tell someone, in real life, about these thoughts and behaviours? That might seem very very scary, but you are being exploited by men who do not care about you at all and are peadophiles.

speaking as someone who didn’t seek any help at your age, I hope you feel able to and that there is someone for you to talk to to help. a helpline for teenagers or children, if school doesn’t seem safe to tell or family?
 
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Hey, high school sucks for alot of people but this too shall pass. There are so many good things waiting for you on the other side. Don't mess all that up with a few bad decisions. Get help, youre worth it.
 
That guy is a pedophile. Likely, so are the people you are sending nudes too. They don't like you, they are using. They can't give you the validation you need. I get it though. Doing things like that can feel compulsive. It can be such a vicious cycle. You don't feel good about yourself so you do things (like send nudes) and then you feel bad about that and the cycle continues.

Something bad will happen if you keep doing it. And it won’t be glamorous, or cute, or something you’ll just recover from. It won’t be a turn on. It won’t be sexy. It won’t be anything like your fantasies.

This. You need to reach out for some sort of adult help if you don't have a counselor. I'm also curious as to what brought you here to myPTSD?

Saying all this doesn't mean you are bad for your fantasies or actions. Rape fantasy is a common theme for a lot of people and it doesn't mean anything happened. However, your actions are putting you at risk and making you feel bad about yourself.
 
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