Sufferer Raped On Saturday

[Ella87]

I was raped by my fwb on Saturday. I am still shocked. I am hoping this thread will help me work through it. He later admitted that he was angry with me for not opening up to him so he premeditated my rape. I still can't believe it happened to me.

 

[Stickler]

Well, shit, you were right to not open up to him!

...Have you called your local rape crisis center to see if you could get help through them?

You need to cut the guy off, change your locks if he might have had an opportunity to make copies of your keys, file a restraining order, check your credit and credit cards ( he might have stolen your identity ), make sure your phone isn't hacked to report your position, secure your home, and change all your computer passwords if he might have got ahold of them.

(...Hey, if he crossed one huge boundary, it's best to assume he'd cross a bunch of other ones.)

I am angry on your behalf, in case you can't tell.

 

[Suzetig]

That's awful, I'm not surprised you sound shocked - does anyone in your life know what's happened and that he's not a safe person for you?

Welcome to the forum, you'll find folk here who've unfortunately had similar experiences - I hope you find support here.

 

[ShodokanJenn]

I am so sorry this happened to you. There are no words. I hope the support and encouragement you receive here help.

 

[Kailani]

I am so unbelievably sorry this happened to you!! He sounds like a horrible ignorant person and I agree with Stickler to do everything you can to prevent this from happening again. I would get a counselor right away to help with the PTSD. Any rape support groups and here. Hope you have good support around you and hope you find the forum helpful!!! It has done wonders for me!!! Hugs and prayers if you accept!!!

 

[intothelight]

Welcome!

The other members here have offered some great advice. Do whatever you can to be safe.

 

[Friday]

Welcome to the forums :)

If you haven't read this, yet? Do.
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/traumatic-resilience-avoiding-ptsd.83668/

 

[Casey_03]

What was the context of the conversation in which he admitted it was premeditated? If this conversation was online, or by text, it's a good idea to save that message, even if you don't want to file charges right now (I personally think you should go straight to the police, but I also understand that that may cause extra stress that you don't need right now). But it would be good to have this confession of his for later. I agree with others about cutting him off completely, right now, in every way possible. The guy sounds seriously dangerous, and any more communication with him could lead to another attack, or harassment or who knows what else. He sounds like he is not in touch with reality. You need to focus entirely on yourself right now and cut him out of the picture. Please contact a trauma center right away, or a rape hotline. The sooner you reach out for help to someone who is familiar with this sort of crime, the better. The longer you wait to tell people what happened, the more you will turn in on yourself, start to doubt yourself, and fall into the trap that many rape victims fall into - blaming themselves. Also, you have a right to be angry, to be very f*cking angry. Do not take it out on yourself. But it's not a bad idea to get a punching bag or sign up for martial arts classes. Just don't bottle your emotions up right now, that will make things harder in the long run.

 

[Anarchy]

Welcome to the forum

Like the previous posters, I'm raging at what was done to you. They've given some really good advice.

The guy sounds like a dangerous control freak.

Rape charities can advise on getting restraining orders.

 

[Ella87]

Thanks everyone for your supportive responses. I just wanted to add that he has attempted to contact me several times since then and I haven't responded. I'm just worried because he goes to the same gym that I do (that's actually how we met) and I'm not sure how to handle him approaching me there. I did try to find a new gym but didn't find a good one yet. Working out is really important to me and I don't want to stop because of this..my friend suggested I text him beforehand that I know he will be there and I'm warning him that if he approaches me I will go straight to management to have them ask him to leave me alone...what do you guys think?

 

[Casey_03]

No, don't text him beforehand, don't contact him at all in any way -- that will just give him more fuel and a reason to stay in contact with you. It will make things worse. I was in a similar situation years ago, and I made the mistake of not cutting off contact right away -- the guy started stalking me, terrorizing me, and ultimately he physically attacked me on the street. I'm not saying the guy who did this to you is the same, but he sure as hell sounds like he is, and I don't think it's worth the risk. Keep looking for a new gym. Or better yet, find a school that teaches martial arts, a dojo, and do your work outs there. That'll kill two birds with one stone! You'll get the work out in AND you'll get to vent a bit and let out some anger

 

[Sideways]

Here in Oz you can take out apprehended violence orders/domestic violence orders to keep the arsehole from coming near you or contacting you, without having to go through with rape charges, & they're qucker & cheaper...guessing you may have something similar you could use? Rape support phone services can probably guide you in the right direction with that...

Practical stuff aside - welcome! It's taken me a few days to say that, because I was totally thrown by your tagline. "I was raped on Saturday" - wow! I've been down a similar road, and no way would I have had the courage to put that out there just like that days later. It's inspiring. I really do hope that you don't lose that fight - this forum is an amazing support, and I hope you find it helpful in putting that trauma behind you:)