Hi Stenni,
I know how you feel. I have been struggling with similar things since I became unwell.
It is great that your workplace is prepared to accommodate your needs. Many of the things that a company can do to make you feel comfortable include rearranging your workspace so that it is accessible and secure. An example of which could be to move your desk to a position where you can see others coming to and from your area. The line of sight really would help if you are jumpy about surprises.
The points you mention, however, are general tasks that anyone in employment would be expected to undertake, so I think the problem here is about how you look at the situation and yourself, rather than constrains of the environment.
Self reflection is hard, but isn't this what we do all the time in therapy? We look at ourselves in much more depth than what would happen in a training program...just an alternative way of looking at it.
You're not doing a training program to criticise yourself, you're there to learn something new or develop a talent you have. So making a list of why you are there and what you want to get out of the training, would be helpful to remind yourself of what training is really about - developing skills.
The negative self talk is something that you need to work on though. You must remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes and its not the mistakes that matter, its what you learn from those mistakes that are important. Even Steve Jobs, Richard Branson, Lord Sugar made mistakes!
I recommend that you keep a list of all the positive things you have done, your strengths, and the compliments you have been given at work - be generous I know there are many! Whenever you feel you are getting into a spiral of negative self talk, take a break, read through this list, and remind yourself of the good stuff.
The Clifton Strengths Finder Survey is a good tool too and will give you a list of your top 5 work strengths. Put the print out of your top 5 strengths in a frame on your desk.
http://www.strengthsfinder.com/home.aspx It will remind you of your special strengths and talents.
I am also a firm believer in allowing team members the opportunity to present - particularly if they were involved in the work. You can always ask the trusted staff member who has worked on the presentation/ topic, to co-present. This takes some of the pressure off you and can give you added support in the board room. Your staff will thank you for the opportunity to shine also.
A company can only do so much to make the environment comfortable, so you need to do the work on yourself to reduce your anxiety about engaging with people. Put your therapist on your shoulder, and whenever you negative self talk, think about all the rational and logical things your therapist would say to you when you criticise yourself.
There is a benefit in exposure to (some) of our irrational worries, as with time, exposure can reduce anxiety. So, every time you engage with someone, or walk out of meeting/ presentation remind yourself that you are one step closer to healing. Make a note of these achievements - 'you did it'!
By getting into a 'worry cycle' you only make yourself unwell by increasing your anxiety. So be aware of this, you need to be in control of your illness and not let it control you by getting into predictive worry cycles.
If things get really tough, you can ask for leave - there are many types of leave and you are well within your rights to use that leave when you need it.
If you are made redundant because of your disability, then it is discrimination. However, considering how attentive your company seems to be to your needs and their willingness to accommodate, I get the sense that this may not be a problem for you...
I hope this all helps a little, PS
