General Reconciling Your Heart And Mind

[kahlan]

Have had a little time to think lately about this. Still isn't much clearer though lol. How does one come to terms with the conflicting thoughts and feelings of being with someone with ptsd, as this is not like being in a typical relationship.

 

[The Albatross]

Tough to say, as I'm a PTSD. But I'll tell you this, when I got out of my relationship with my ex, who defied logic at every turn and was contradictory to everything I thought I knew about men and relationships ... I took those thoughts and feelings and determined to try as hard as I might to develop some boundaries and eliminate as much codependent stuff as I could. I didn't want any baggage from my side marring my "next" relationship.

Not entirely successful of course, but I was a whole lot less messed up "next time". Some things just never make sense or add up. Never.

 

[The Albatross]

Self examine and clean up your "side" of the street gal. Fix your "people picker", and aim a little higher. :hug::tup:

 

[kahlan]

I'm a little maudlin right now I think. Been sick for a few days so stuck with my own thoughts a little too much :/ Doesn't help he's been reaching out a bit lately. I was hoping for just a littke more time to get a good mental equilubrium :(

 

[bell]

Oh dear kind @kahlan, I do know how hard it can be. Reconciling your heart and your mind can be such a bear. If I was you, I'd try my best (sometimes easier than it sounds) to see the good intentions/love that was there and remember that you deserve that in your life, from both yourself and others.

 

[Overcast]

What are the positive aspects about this person? What do you desire in a relationship? I have PTSD and struggle deeply with trust. I want to know the persons character before I can fully trust someone. Are you willing to take the time to build the trust? Take the time to examine your own thoughts and beliefs. I would suggest writing out your questions and answering them. Answer these questions and take your time getting to know the other person. Maybe all you become is friends or maybe the friendship deepens to be more.

 

[kahlan]

A little background..we had been friends for over a year before the romantic came into play. Both of us have had some major "stuff" in our own lives apart that made things get even more complicated. Both of us are bad communicators, add some skewed perceptions and it just went south. Add some insecurities, unintentionally broken trust, and both parties with abandonment issues, I don't know how I ever thought it would work. Anyway, now I'm trying to make sense of it all to find something I can use to learn from other than running away to a convent and never having another relationship o_O

 

[nursenurse]

A few double Martinis with lots of olives sure reconciled mine for a couple of hours, lol.

Sometimes in a true unthinking moment, I will think of the Dude, and a silent "I love you" forms on my lips. Then I step back for that moment and really consider that most misused phrase in the English language. I really don't in the romantic sense, anymore. That died with finding him in bed with the Skank. After that, when I think about the really hard first few weeks, I realized that when I was thinking of being in love, it had changed, and I was expressing being in love with the idea, now, not the person. He was not who he professed to be, and the nasty visuals iced the cake. So maybe that was when I started using my brain a little, and the heart is tagging along. And it goes for any relationship.

All the same , never again. My dogs need 4 legs , not 2.

 

[kacee129]

Ahh - the old head and heart dilemma. My sufferer refuses treatment. So the only choice I had to stay somewhat sane was tell him we could no longer be together. Funny thing is that he understood, which made it harder for me. Is it manipulation on his part? I honestly don't think so. But anything is possible. What I don't think I will ever understand is how even though he says he loves me,
how he agrees he is very hard to live with, that it (ptsd) has ruined every relationship in his life, that he isn't willing to do whatever it takes to keep me and out relationship. That would mean agreeing to treatment. Maybe treatment wouldn't help, but how would he know unless he tried? It's all a mute point now though. He will be moving within the month. And no matter what I am not going to get all soft this time. I will keep telling myself that this may or may not be what it is going to take for him to take care of himself, and it is definately what I need to take care of my self. This too shall pass.