Reenactment in therapy

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
What do you think it is a reenactment of?
Hmmmm. Not sure. I think this is me projecting things as I asked her if I was projecting, and her response was "where is the evidence that she is angry with me". I said I felt I had found the evidence, but she said she wasn't angry with me. So I'm not believing her ?
What am I re-enacting?
I don't know what that is a reenactment of.
But I do wonder if I am expecting her to abandon me, like my mum. And I'm pushing to make that happen? Idk.

I've drafted an email to another therapist to see if they would offer a session to explore this. I don't know if that is 'allowed' or what. I don't know if that is me being dramatic. Or me not being able to manage these feelings. Idk.
 

scout86

MyPTSD Pro
I think this is me projecting things
I don't know if this is relevant, but maybe? One of my horseshoeing clients is a therapist. We were talking the other day, while I was working. She mentioned that "mind reading is a form of hypervigilance." I'd never thought of that before, but I can see how that would work. Maybe that's a part of what's going on for you? Some part of you is expecting your T to act like your mother, so you're looking REALLY hard for evidence that it's happening? Would she tell you if she WAS angry with you?
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
I don't know if this is relevant, but maybe? One of my horseshoeing clients is a therapist. We were talking the other day, while I was working. She mentioned that "mind reading is a form of hypervigilance." I'd never thought of that before, but I can see how that would work. Maybe that's a part of what's going on for you? Some part of you is expecting your T to act like your mother, so you're looking REALLY hard for evidence that it's happening? Would she tell you if she WAS angry with you?
Thanks @scout86 , I think that is exactly what my T says to me: the mind reading an hypervigilence thing, and asking me for where the evidence is that she is angry at me. And her telling me that she isn't.

I have no idea what's real and what isn't.
Which is a very confusing place to be.
And dangerous really, because that's when I construct a reality that isn't real.
 

scout86

MyPTSD Pro
I have no idea what's real and what isn't.
I know what you mean! My T likes to talk about things in terms of experimentation. In this case, for example, you could try an experiment and see what happens if you behave as though she's telling you the truth. The thing about an "experiment" is you accept, going in, that a variety of outcomes are possible. For me, at least, it changes how things feel. I don't feel like I have a life or death investment in the outcome of an experiment where I DO feel like there's a life or death investment in the outcome of that kind of interaction with another person most of the time. Looking at things that way has made it a little easier to be open minded about what MIGHT be going on with people.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Thanks @scout86 , that's a good idea and I can try that.
I'm trying to imagine how to do that and it seems possible, even with this massive distrust I have of her now. I can hold that but also hold space for other possibilities and work them through.

E, my partner, also said to maybe try writing down what I might want to say to her every day so that I can find a way to talk about it that allows for nuance rather than black/white thinking. Which is similar to what you are saying I think.
E knows I can go from one extreme to the other and that if I want an ongoing theraputic relationship with T, that I need to allow space for T within that. I.e. E thinks (and I know this is mind reading really) that T is potentially reviewing (regretting?) the emailing thing and that the boundaries have been blurred because of the emails, and that we need to find a truce.

Idk.

I do feel this situation has occured because she has encouraged emailing. And maybe I haven't understood or she hasn't been clear precisely what those boundaires are. If I have pushed them or broken them, the thought of that makes me incredibly upset.
If emailing is taken away: it feels like a punishment.
If emailing remains: it feels like a mindfield and I can't go there.

I don't know whether my feelings about the situation are what would be felt, or if I am re-enacting or projecting or seeking out familiar responses and trying to find proof that she has let me down.
Idk.
 
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