you shouldn't feel embarrassed, we all mess up in life and that's why we're here to support you as we care about you. how are you today? hugsThank you @Ellierose2x you are kind. Though I feel embarrassed to be such a screw up, tbh. The only one more disgusted with not getting over this is actually me.
I want to thank you @Movingforward10 for this thread. I realize I have been operating like a trauma reenactment myself, feeling worried for and reaching out to others that don't want my care or me around, and yet still feeling that I care- just like my family. And then realizing they don't, and feeling ashamed that I do, again just like my FOO. But also realizing, though feeling shame is my responsibility, probably 24/25 people also would. But also, 24/25 people would also then feel angry.
But I have caused pain too. So have others to me. I should have never forgiven or put myself in their lives or allowed them in mine.
When we got our abused dog they said it was unbelievable how she continued to trust after what she'd been through. Eventually she got people who accepted her as is, and didn't find that wrong or anything but worth it, and worth the investment. Maybe one day I will, we will, too. In therapy and even with our wounds and imperfections.