FindingMyself88
Platinum Member
Ok, so I just posted some of this in my trauma diary because I really want to meditate on it, but I wanted to also talk about it with all of you. I personally know I struggle with how I view myself and others because of how I was raised, it's all I know. I am extremely hard on myself, but find it hard to place blame and see others for who they really are. Below is things we discussed and stuff she wanted me to see differently. She says she can already see a BIG part of our working together is going to be reframing my mind and how I think about myself and others. Mind you, this was only our SECOND session together!
My previous therapist and psychiatrist both have always said I am too hard on myself, but I can't wrap my brain around it. Yesterday We talked about this some throughout our session. When we talked about my real dad and my having relationship with him now after years of abuse and abandonment. I always feel guilty for not being able to just get past my pain from the past because he is trying so hard. She told me most people who had been treated the way I had been would not even consider talking to their dad, much less seeing him 3 times a year. At the same time though she said I am not one of those people who remain in the active victim role. I have set boundaries with him and am not ignorant to what he has done and is capable of doing again.
She also told me that I went against the grain. Even through all the pain I've suffered, she could see that I still sought out community and people. I found good in people even when it was hard with due reason to trust. Most would have resorted to self-medicating and other harmful things.
She told me she feels like by recognizing that what Nicole did to me was wrong but still loving her always shows that I have outgrown her and am more mature. She said I have the ability to see the in-between and gray areas of life, not just black and white. She thinks I have a deeper perspective than most. She also saw that even when being hurt, I didn't want to hurt others and cared deeply. She said this comes from having a deeper perspective than just of myself. However, I do it to the extreme that I put others before myself and I need to balance it.
Nicole and another person I look up to have both been hurt in some of the same ways I have been. Nicole's mom has mental issues and is now no longer talking to her or her brothers. The other lady was abused and molested as a child like me. Both seemed strong and I look(ed) up to them. They both have the same mindset of just give it to Jesus. I feel like I disappoint them both. My therapist said she wanted to "reframe" this for me. She said sometimes people think they have dealt with stuff, but when they are confronted by others with similar history, they realize their "sponge" hasn't been completely squeezed out, so they respond in ways that hurt us. She wants me to think especially in the scenario with the other lady, that it's not that I'm disappointing her, but that is her only way of dealing with me because she hasn't dealt with herself.
Overall yesterday's session was a really big eye-opener. Some of this stuff, especially the compliments are hard for me to accept, but I know that is because of my old mindset. Sometimes I wander if this is because of the PTSD or just my "blue print". She told me it's a bit of both. Can any of you relate? I know it's hard for all of us with PTSD to reframe our mind, but what are some ways you have found that help? Does it get easier with time and therapy?
My previous therapist and psychiatrist both have always said I am too hard on myself, but I can't wrap my brain around it. Yesterday We talked about this some throughout our session. When we talked about my real dad and my having relationship with him now after years of abuse and abandonment. I always feel guilty for not being able to just get past my pain from the past because he is trying so hard. She told me most people who had been treated the way I had been would not even consider talking to their dad, much less seeing him 3 times a year. At the same time though she said I am not one of those people who remain in the active victim role. I have set boundaries with him and am not ignorant to what he has done and is capable of doing again.
She also told me that I went against the grain. Even through all the pain I've suffered, she could see that I still sought out community and people. I found good in people even when it was hard with due reason to trust. Most would have resorted to self-medicating and other harmful things.
She told me she feels like by recognizing that what Nicole did to me was wrong but still loving her always shows that I have outgrown her and am more mature. She said I have the ability to see the in-between and gray areas of life, not just black and white. She thinks I have a deeper perspective than most. She also saw that even when being hurt, I didn't want to hurt others and cared deeply. She said this comes from having a deeper perspective than just of myself. However, I do it to the extreme that I put others before myself and I need to balance it.
Nicole and another person I look up to have both been hurt in some of the same ways I have been. Nicole's mom has mental issues and is now no longer talking to her or her brothers. The other lady was abused and molested as a child like me. Both seemed strong and I look(ed) up to them. They both have the same mindset of just give it to Jesus. I feel like I disappoint them both. My therapist said she wanted to "reframe" this for me. She said sometimes people think they have dealt with stuff, but when they are confronted by others with similar history, they realize their "sponge" hasn't been completely squeezed out, so they respond in ways that hurt us. She wants me to think especially in the scenario with the other lady, that it's not that I'm disappointing her, but that is her only way of dealing with me because she hasn't dealt with herself.
Overall yesterday's session was a really big eye-opener. Some of this stuff, especially the compliments are hard for me to accept, but I know that is because of my old mindset. Sometimes I wander if this is because of the PTSD or just my "blue print". She told me it's a bit of both. Can any of you relate? I know it's hard for all of us with PTSD to reframe our mind, but what are some ways you have found that help? Does it get easier with time and therapy?
