Regressing

[DaneLover]

Hi all,
I am a new member, but have followed the threads for quite a while. I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2010 relating to a fatal car accident where a man died in my arms and, despite my medical knowledge, I could not help him. It is also related to a sexual assault from Jan. 2011 and several car accidents (most recent being June 2013 where I was hit head on by a driver in the wrong lane). I also have a lot of junk from childhood including an alcoholic father whom abused my mother, divorce, multiple surgeries, etc.

I have been seeing a wonderful therapist for the past 3 1/2 years and she has helped me immensely, but recently I fear I am falling back into the depression and SI (SI has not started back again, but I fear it will). I am currently working full time as a nurse and attending classes full time for my next nursing degree. My therapist had to cancel last week's appointment due to an illness, so I've been unable to see her in 2 weeks. I was really needing the session that was cancelled because that's when things really started getting bad again. I texted her last night to see if she were able to speak to me briefly on the phone, but was unable to get a response (this is rare, she's been wonderful about these sorts of things in the past). I haven't needed to call her in at least a year and a half. Any ideas to help me through this difficult time? I have not been given a date yet for my next therapy session. I am not usually a drinker, but I find myself drinking tequila and mixer every night for about the last month. I have always been a terrible sleeper (as I'm sure many of you deal with), but I'm barely getting 3 hours a night. Thank you in advance!

 

[Echo]

I was wondering if there is any kind of helpline you can call, just to get you through to your next session with your therapist. You've obviously got a lot on your plate from what you say.

I don't know if this makes sense to you in any way, but I found out recently that my bed (or rather lying flat on my back) is a trigger for me and it had been triggering me every single night. I took someone's advice to cuddle something (a pillow in my case rather than a fluffy toy) and I make sure I get into bed without lying on my back. Suddenly the quality of my sleep is totally different. Not only do I actually sleep for quite a few hours at a go, but I find I feel as if I have slept rather than just been in bed. I was raped and abused as a child, so thought something similar might apply to you.

Hope things get better for you.

 

[cherryblossom]

I fear I am falling back into the depression and SI (SI has not started back again, but I fear it will).

What do you mean by SI? Self injury? Suicidal intent? Suicidal ideation? (Please don't use abbreviations that people won't understand, thanks).

 

[DaneLover]

Thank you Echo, I actually haven't slept in my bed in over a month (been on the couch) and sharing it with an 85 lb. 6 month old Great Dane! I was able to text with my therapist tonight as I found out she is at a conference in another state. I was also sent to a Mental Health Immediate Care center (what a wonderful idea, had never heard of one). They changed a few meds, so I am hoping something will provide some relief although we haven't gotten there yet.

Sorry, CherryBlossom, SI related to Suicidal Ideation. I'm a nurse and that's universal, I'm just so used to typing and not going back over it.