Rejected Again

[lostforgottensoul]

When It comes to the diagnose It is the worst thing in the world to me. Ill fight it till the day I die. Cause I was f*cked inside out and thats the true diagnose. Any one going through the hell I have would have had symptomes of being a survvivor. But it does not make me to have this diagnose. This is so important for me to hold on to cause if not the diagnose will come first and I and my traumas will come second. I respect your wiew and that you dont object to your diagnose, but for me this is diferent. I have ptsd after traumas and thats it.

I dont get that but ok.

I mean i faught the PTSD diagnosis for a while but that didnt change the fact that I had it.

In any case, I respect your opinions as well.

 

[Deleted member 24866]

I get it- stigma, and people like to abuse you further because they claim you are "crazy". I have never wanted something for nothing and have no intent of living off the state nor do I need to. The diagnosis does no good for me. Also being I would like to be able to defend myself against what seems like constant past physical attacks and rape - to carry a weapon would be useful, but by claiming abused women are "crazy" I am now closer to being unable to ever to defend myself against the actual violent nutcases who have plenty of weapons.. like my last stalker. I am tired of crap.. ok.. this is not about me. But this is one instance - I get what she is saying totally. It is not something wrong with me- there is something wrong with perps and they continually get off- see rape back log. It is a societal error.. big time.

I was also told when homeless by an officer I "should tell them I am suicidal" in the past to obtain shelter. Its a messed up system here in the US at least in my state. You can not escape abuse without be labeled and stigmatized as crazy and it will follow and haunt you forever. I have become the butt of jokes over this as well.. but I was not going to die on the street with human traffickers, rapists, thieves and freeze to death in sub zero temps. Shrink clink took me in. Hell yes.. the abuse has made me reel.. but I do not believe PTSD has to be a life sentence in all cases. I have faced death more than most. I am very much alive - so I am not the ordinary subservient ass licking female anymore though I may have to feign it at work. And being petite hence the stalkers... coffee shops are apparently notorious for them, and witnessing traffincking almost daily due to hotels near by. argh.. I will just call it de-sensitization therapy. I am one of there best workers but I still have major stressors. I am ok.. one day at a time like anyone else/

 

[lostforgottensoul]

and people like to abuse you further because they claim you are "crazy".

Diagnosis of BPD is not saying you are "crazy". That was my orginal point.

 

[Deleted member 24866]

lostforgottensoul.. I am glad people are nice where you live and in your community, but my co-workers are ruthless. Any trip to the shrink-clink and they label me crazy and a joke, OK its against the law- but so is sexual harassment and that has not dwindled much here either despite threats to go to the department of state. Point is- I need my job, not drama. Soon maybe I will find another.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I am glad people are nice where you live and in your community, but my co-workers are ruthless. Any trip to the shrink-clink and they label me crazy and a joke,

No one at my job or in my community knows what im diagnosed with. Most of my family dont know. My job knows i have anxiety and thats only because it effects my job but why tell people? Only me and my therapist needs to know unless people show me they are worthy to be told...truthworthy...and that certianly wont be my job.

 

[Deleted member 24866]

I live in a small town. Should not matter but they live for gossip.

 

[Sideways]

I'll preface this by saying I haven't read all the posts, but man, have I been there. Too hard. Not their expertise. We don't seem to be making progress. Heard it all.

Yes, go right ahead and be angry. Asking for help is hard. And when you ask and ask and ask and you think you've finally got someoje on your side and then they abandon ship? f*ck that. f*ck the world. What am I fighting for?

Thing is, you don't have to be strong all the time to be a survivor. When you feel hurt, angry, abandoned, alone - you're allowed to stop for a moment and let the feelings come, and then you let them go.

You let them go, ultimately, because "I can't help you" is not the same thing as "You can't be helped". You let the feelings go because there will be someone else, there will be more help to come. And this time, when you go looking for help, you've got all that you've learned so far on your side, and you're that much better at knowing what "help" for you needs to look like.

As for the Borderline thing? Pfft! Show me a victim of child sex abuse that doesn't have Borderline traits! The reason they keep tweaking the criteria for Complex ptsd and Developmental ptsd is because that's what that shite does to you. And the people who really know how to help you, who will understand you, will totally get that when they're helping YOU, they're helping someone who was sexually abused as a child. That's the package they've got before them.

Be gentle with yourself while these emotions wash over you. Go ahead and be angry and disappointed and betrayed...And then go back out there and get the right kind of help for you. You are a survivor, and this is part of the journey, with all the ups and downs that come with it.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

This ordeal makes me sick to my gut actually. Its almost unbearable. I know Im not a popular person and...

But, bloomy, you are worth it and you can do it! You're a lion, FFS!

Are you familiar with the expression, "Be the adult you needed in your life"? You are that adult. You are strong. You are loving and compassionate. You are exactly what your traumatized inner child needs to begin healing. There are things you can do to help yourself. Things that don't depend on the support of others. You can learn to love yourself, and that is the most important step towards healing.

I'm so very sorry that you've lost your support people. I wish you had a team of supporters around you, available whenever you need them. Hell, I wish you didn't need them, at all. But at this moment, you have us, and you have yourself. We will support you as best we can, but you have to do the work.

In my own experience, most of my growth has been supported by my medical team, but arrived at by me. The exception is the EMDR, which I do believe is helping, but not as much as my personal work.

I'm feeling very sad and disappointed for you, but also hopeful that you will dig in your heels and fight! :hug:

 

[Lucycat]

@Bloomy I am so sorry that you have to face all this shit. But you are worth it. Please don't give up. Even when the therapists are no longer available to you, just remember that we are here - and we care. We are real human beings, not automated replies, and we have made an effort to tell you how much you mean to us. Please believe it and stay strong.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I also wanted to appologize if i threw the thread off topic, i was just trying to say its ok if you have BPD and its ok if you dont. None of it means you are crazy, thats all i was saying.

But you dont deserved to be dropped like a hot potatoe and i know that feels horrible, most especially if you had built trust with this therapist!

Dont give up hope on yourself, you are worth it!

 

[Rumors]

I am rooting for you Bloomy! Sending you love and strength. I can't pretend to have the answers but I can send you mojo and prayers that the answers become available to you soon! Big, huge hug coming your way if that is ok. You are a survivor and I enjoy reading your posts because they are always helpful and positive. I hope some of us can send that vibe your way!!

 

[Bloomy]

@4melissa I might have better manners now, but oh have I spend life being an angry person. Startet of as a kiddo as I rejected their maltreatment of me. Was a complete troll and in total rage. But now all these years after It seems Ive finally became more silent. Im so glad that you through your diferent post have reminded me of who I was. Thats important to me. "would be helpful if we were not in a society that glamorizes rape culture and violence to women and then strips thier emotion via medication in my opinion frankly." so true words and part of what makes me angry incl label me as borderline. I say it again and again - Im not borderline. Being maltreated in such cruel ways does locigally something to you. Thanks for sharing your story. Similar to mine.All though Im sorry on your bealf it still good not to be alone in surviving certain things
@lostforgottensoul I know you mean well and thats what counts even if we differ in opnion. To me the fight to be be acknolwedged for what the traumas done to me is the most important.