Rejected from Police Employment

[sheepdog]

Hi everyone,

I am a retied police officer in NC. I was diagnosed with PTSD after an onduty shooting and continued to work. My second shooting happened 8 months later. I tried to take time off to get my head straight, but the town would not pay me for my time off (disability). This made matters worse due to the lack of support. I sued and retired. I went back to school and it has been four years now. I take medication but feel normal. I felt I was ready to return to the profession which I loved. I was rejected after the oral board. They asked many, many questions about my PTSD. I felt I answered them well and I would not apply if I did not feel ready. It is depressing, I lost 35 pounds getting ready for this and did a lot of research and peacemaking with myself. Now, I feel like I will never get to be an Officer again. Maybe its for the best. Just needed to vent. Comments welcome.

 

[2quilt]

I sincerely hope that you do not take this rejection from police work as a personal defeat. You can offer your experiences and knowledge in other areas. Many, many industries are thirsty for someone like you, who has your brave experience and background and the will and ability to still work. You may have PTSD, but don't let that stop you from the work you love! I could not have returned to a productive life if I had experienced what you have. You are resilient! That was just one police office or county or whatever; try another one. Try security duty, stop shoplifting for malls or private detective jobs, the list goes on. You should not let this stop you! Never give up!

 

[Deleted member 541]

HI Sheepdog and welcome to the forum......

 

[DevilDoc]

Have you considered joining the military?

 

[sheepdog]

Thanks, I am trying to figure out what to do. People think I am crazy for trying to go back...especially since I retired with benefits. Maybe I am just not supposed to do this type of work again...I find it hard to picture myself doing anything else. Thanks for the replies.

 

[Riggs413]

Hey Sheepdog, welcome to the forum and hello from a fellow LEO. I won't give you any advice as we are each different and what works for one doesn't work for another. I can say to you that I got the same reaction from others when I have tried going back.

For me, 22 years in, it was all I knew and I couldn't/can't picture myself doing anything else either. I still am not sure where my life will take me though over time I have learned that it will be my way and my decision if I do anything else but police work.

I was diagnosed with PTSD back in 2005 though I muddled through my life and career with it for much longer. It wasn't until recently that I think that I have decided not to go back to policing. I met resistance from the department and though my friends were as supportive as they could be, they thought I was nuts for wanting to go back to the career and environment that caused me all of the problems to begin with.

Even having made my decision, I still struggle daily with my choice. I don't know why, I don't know much of anything at times really. I know intellectually that I have made the right decision but have doubts every day. I don't know if it is fear, of the unknown, of trying something different. I don't know if it's because I have identified as a police officers for my entire adult life.

I have lost something, a piece of me. I don't know how to get it back. It frightens me to feel this way. Our entire careers, we are in control and looked upon by others for advice, guidance and protection. How do I function when I can no longer provide that to others and not even to myself any longer.

Anyways, this isn't about me, but it felt good to right some of this down for the first time. Like most I still bottle things up inside and thank you for allowing me to get it out.

Know that others are here struggling like you with making their life over, with making choices and moving on. Figuring out what to do..will be difficult. Good luck with your journey and hopefully we can help each other through these shitty times. That's why we are here, right.

Riggs