Relationship Is On The Rocks ...

[Autumn0011]

Hi all,

I am new here and just looking to connect to others who are going through the same things ... I have been suffering from PTSD for the past few months (it keeps getting worse and worse) it comes from an abusive relationship I was in about 4 years ago. I have been with my partner 3 years now and him and I just had a baby 9 months ago ... for a bit of a background we rushed into things quite fast but we were head over heels for each other. He's a great guy but of course suffers from his own issues (stress=drinking) and he does have an angry side though I hadn't seen much of it in the first year ... we would have arguments but nothing really extreme. In our second year I got pregnant and it was unplanned ... he did not take it well as we had three kids combined and of course it was too early in our relationship... he wanted me to abort the baby but I made the decision that I was keeping the baby and so the pregnancy was terrible ... we fought and he had a hard time dealing with things so he would drink, go out, come home and we'd typically get into pretty huge arguments and at the time I noticed my anger/rage started to change ... I just chalked it off to being hormones. We stuck through and had our son and things were totally different ... he was thankful for our son and has told me numerous times that he is glad I went through with having him. Unfortunately for me, my anger and rage started to get worse ... I started to get depressed and anxious at times ... he started saying how my anger is getting really bad... we could be fighting over who left the toilet seat up and I would go from 0-100 really fast and the things that I would do or say is completely out of my character and so very very hurtful he would then of course do the same back to me kind of like tit for tat. I have a lot of triggers that he tends to hit and I just loose control of myself ...these triggers seem to have a lot to do with my past abusive relationship and as time goes on I see more and more correlations. He has also gotten to the point to pick at me when he has been drinking and he will belittle me, call me names, tell me I am an angry person , I've ruined our relationship cause of this ....etc... he's packed his stuff to move and I've packed his stuff to move but we always end up making up and trying ... which is where we are now ... He recently told me he has a lot of anger towards me for fights and things I have said and done to him ... he is very hurt and doesn't understand ... he is trying to educate himself and so am I and we're trying to figure out how to work through this ... today he apologized to me for his behaviour towards me lately as he didn't fully understand the extent to which PTSD can get.

I guess what I am looking for is some hope ... I am so lost right now, confused, unsure of what the future holds ... anxious....it would be nice to hear some words of encouragement or even coping ideas for our relationship ... has anyone else delt with this and has gotten through with their significant other? We love eachother very much and want to work to get us back.

 

[Killashandra]

Hi autumn0011, welcome to the forum,

First off Well Done on the education of your illness. For both you and your partner. Big thumbs up!

My relationship experience is slightly different of course but we are still struggling to get a grip.

A few years back I was getting quite angry and south help from an anger counselor, it turned out it wasn't anger counselling I needed. I needed a psychologist. From what I remember which is bits and pieces ( I have Cptsd not just ptsd ) the anger was the built up frustration from not knowing what to do or what was going on.

So my first question is have you been to see a doctor or psychologist about the ptsd and have you thouhts of maybe post natal depression? And are you on any medication to correct the imbalances of chemicals in your brain? Depression doesn't help.

If you have then boo yah! Baby your on the right track! :)

For him to apologise means he is willing and wanting to support you and help you so that in its self is the hope you need.

If this is anything to go by, yes my husband and I have had a lot of ups and downs but after 17 yrs he is still here. Only just but he has stood by me through out all of my turbulent moods and personalities.

I wish you all the best and keep your head up. Smell the roses and find some joy in your day if only for a moment,
Killa

 

[Snowflakes]

@Autumn0011 There is always hope. If both of you are willing to keep talking to each other and keep trying, there is hope.

My wife and I have struggled with this illness for over 20 years. We've given up a million times but never lost hope. Hope brings us back together to keep trying.

I totally agree with everything @Killashandra has written to you. I echo her last sentence in her post to you. It is precisely her wish to you that has kept us together and to keep trying every day.