Relationships With Two Sufferers

[GwenDR]

My wife and I are both sufferers, and it makes things complicated sometimes. Lately I've been going through a really depressive, anxious period. My wife automatically feels an obligation to take over and be emotionally stable when I'm not, and it's affecting her. She was taught from an early age that you have to ignore your feelings and power through, and that someone always has to be the strong one. But my doing worse makes her power through more, which makes her feel worse and worse in turn.

How can I help her out when I'm doing so poorly, and it's impacting her so much? I don't want to ignore how I'm feeling, and I'm not blaming myself for how she's doing (neither is she). I've told her it's okay for us to be weak together sometimes, but that's hard for her to accept. I want to help her.

 

[BlueOrange]

My wife and I both do the same thing - each of us prefers to put the other one first. What I eventually started doing was realising that I could lighten her burden by taking better care of myself. Self-care doesn't come easily to me, but I'm getting there. And she's able to relax more, and has started learning to take care of herself as well.

 

[GwenDR]

Sounds like a big chunk of the answer, thanks @BlueOrange .

 

[Freedomfighter]

I think something like that can be solved through honest discussion. Just seems to me that a lot of people don't communicate that well in relationships, but that is one thing that can be fixed easily.