Remembering Grounding In The Middle Of Dissociation

['91 Girl]

How in the world am I supposed to remember grounding techniques when I dissociate? Because it feels impossible when I do.

Yesterday, I was thinking about a play last weekend, and one of the people was hit in the play. Remembering that caused me distress, so I tried to tell myself that it was only fake and they were not really hit. Which sparked a series of memories about being threatened to be hit by my brother, and how that was upsetting because I always flinched. Well, I always flinched because I was hit by my father out of nowhere a lot. So thus, I was triggered because a memory caused me to remember another memory which caused me to remember a trauma.

So I did what I have been doing recently when triggered. I emotionally disappeared back there, but the emotions became how I saw today. So my viewpoint of all my relationships became dangerous, I was never seen or acknowledged, I was abandoned, no one wanted me, etc...

My problem is that although I know that's not real, it feels completely real. I believed that it was true. I didn't feel like I was dissociated, but I was. So how do I remember in those times to use grounding. I don't even realize until afterwards that there's anything wrong with how I am thinking. It's only after I come out of it that I see anything wrong with my perception. What do I do to remember in the middle of it?

 

['91 Girl]

I should add:

It's really frustrating because I say and do things I normally wouldn't say or do. I cancelled something I had planned on going to last night, and said way too much about what I was thinking and feeling. I feel out of control when it happens, and like my rational brain has flown out the window.

 

[surviving_it_all]

Yesterday, I was thinking about a play last weekend, and one of the people was hit in the play. Remembering that caused me distress, so I tried to tell myself that it was only fake and they were not really hit. Which sparked a series of memories about being threatened to be hit by my brother, and how that was upsetting because I always flinched. Well, I always flinched because I was hit by my father out of nowhere a lot. So thus, I was triggered because a memory caused me to remember another memory which caused me to remember a trauma.

Your experience seems more like what I call flashbacks and flooding. When I disassociate, I forget where I am. I forget names. I forget details. I regress to a younger state of mind. I turn inward. I am literallly gone for a while. It takes time to come out of this disassociation.

When you are flooded with flashback memories, you just have to practice grounding techniques. Its alot of practicing. You have to do it over and over and over again. One day, it will be better. I find that with my ptsd, I generalize things. I would have had the same reaction to the play. It is somewhat an over association to keep ourselves safe. You have to rationalize through the flashback. I had a flashback on Sunday from seeing blood. I was on high alert and very anxious into Monday. Once I broke the anxiety, I was able to think back and realize that was a generalization that was a thought distortion. Hopefully, if we practice grounding enough we will be able to overcome the majority of symptoms.

 

['91 Girl]

Yes, I agree. Flashback. Dissociation is more the connect/disconnect with life I deal with. And I do think there's different levels of dissociation. I never forget who/where I am, but I do stop being part of the world, in that I go onto auto-pilot. I still can't stop the flooding when it happens because I don't recognize it :(

 

[surviving_it_all]

Don't be sad. Just focus on putting the time and effort forward for practicing. Recognition will come with time, effort, and practice.