Remembering How It Was And Today How It Is

[Snowflake]

As a child to be sick or not feeling well was NOT okay. It disrupted what was "normal" it brought fear and anger to my parents. To be sick was unacceptable-my mom would sometimes have to take time off from work, some days she didn't and locked me in my room instead. Worse case was she would take me to doctors to get some meds. You see becoming sick opened the door for the family secret to "get out" -my parents were always anxious as well as angry at me...for getting sick. I learned never complain and just go to school sick or whatever I had to do -to keep my parents happy.

Now I am sick-(I rarely get sick) I am terrified to ask for help, terrified to cry and say I'm scared, terrified for calling into work sick- this is not okay in my world. I have to show everyone I am good-they can't know the truth -I don't want to get punished or hurt anymore.

So I'm home laying down and feel like crap after the biopsy/MRI that lasted forever -I am in tears scared and alone. Angry that this is happening to me-angry that my therapist is not calling me-angry I'm not healthy.

Sorry-I realize this really doesn't make sense.

 

[Deleted member 541]

As that child inside of you lays there begging for help, screaming to be heard, scared to get punished again for being sick..... Envision YOU as the adult picking her up and cradling her. Keep her safe, care for her, and tell her it's OK to be scared and sick and that NO ONE will punish her. Something my therapist had me do once. It was empowering and healing.

It's ok that you are scared and know that NO ONE here will be angry with you, we all care and will always offer support.

I know that you want your therapist to call, but is it possible that that the reason she isn't is because it kind of crosses the professional line? I'm not sure but that would be my guess...

Hang in there....and many:hug:

 

[Snowflake]

As that child inside of you lays there begging for help, screaming to be heard, scared to get punished ag...

It's the boundary issue-I hate that word. Thanks for responding @She Cat

 

[aut555]

My soon to be ex wouldn't drive me to emergency room. Yuck, that made me feel so abandoned. It's like the people that were responsible for your wellbeing jump ship. So you have those abandonment issues big time. To feel sick is already stressful, but to trigger trauma from childhood along with that is therapy time. So hospitals cause stress too for you. You are so important, nobody should ever abandon or lock up their child. People get arrested for that all the time. So sorry, hope that therapy can bring you the release you need.