Requesting help for reframing my situation; Doomsday prepper husband.

[Flying Dove]

I am currently being tapered off sertraline and onto duloxetine. I have another therapy session tomorrow. On 12/12 I have an appt with my neurologist so may be looking at a change in my anti- seizure med too.

Husband and I are much better but again he mentions politics the house speaker and the certainty of civil war. I have heard him tell his brother a civil war has to happen. Why? Why does that have to happen in a veterans mind? He was in Bosnia. Where terrible social disintegration and atrocities occurred. I do not care what the media says etc. I refuse to be defined by this sickness.

My nervous system is not over reacting to this so much now. Part medication doing emdr meditation having quiet periods etc.

Just trying to get insight into my husband's mind to help me. I almost asked him do you want a civil war but that would cause problems. Does he want this or need it to happen for some type of closure for him? Secondary gain? His parents told him more than once he needed help therapy treatment. I did too. Now I am getting it again for me.

?

 

[Flying Dove]

We live in rv park. I haveca hobby of diy decor. I spray painted outside rocks got covered in paint. The rv park owner saw it said that is interesting. Bought a paper towel holder from a thrift store this past weekend. Got brown spray paint. Was planning to paint it outside our rv park. Husband insists I paint it in our lot on top of cardboard this am. Not accepting of my alternative. I said I just won't do it. I want to let it go- not the right time now to do it. This escalated into me always being right etc, I am entirely at fault. I broke down in tears. So I set a boundary and remained quiet. I did tell him last night after re watching the jan.6 capital riot again that it was cowardly and I would no longer define myself as an American allow this insanity to consume me and I will not live in fear. Then this am this happens. I am looking at me. Did I really cause this as he claimed? Appt with my therapist this evening. I will discuss with her too. My husband is a veteran looking at news waiting for a disaster. He has chronic insomnia. I know I can't change him. What I am doing is watching for unhealthy patterns in me so I don't repeat. Thank you for any input. I don't mean to offend anyone by saying I will no longer define myself as an American. I can't participate in this psychopathology anymore. I am trying to be part of a positive change not the problem.

 

[Friday]

park. I haveca hobby of diy decor. I spray painted outside rocks got covered in paint. The rv park owner saw it said that is interesting. Bought a paper towel holder from a thrift store this past weekend. Got brown spray paint. Was planning to paint it outside our rv park. Husband insists I paint it in our lot on top of cardboard this am.

So…

Your landlord doesn’t care if there is paint on the rocks.
Your husband does care if there is paint on the rocks.

Unless YOU feel really strongly about wanting paint on the rocks, it seems silly to care more about your landlord’s opinion (doesn’t care) than your husbands (does care).

 

[Flying Dove]

My husband was the one who said our landlord said this. You are right - husband does care. The issue is I wanted to take it out of our park to avoid more paint on the rocks. He got angry because he wanted me to paint it on a cardboard box in our lot. I could accidently sprayed rocks again. My husband again said you won't do what I said. He ended up painting it for me. I don't even want it now.

 

[Flying Dove]

I do not feel safe at all again. I will not agree to his catastrophic doomsday rhetoric, Things are bad but I cannot deal with this crap. Negativity etc. My BP shot up to 164/114 over all this. Plus seizure risk on top of the current critical one- lamotrigine level sub therapeutic. Appt with neuroligust 12/12 to address. My concerns are not psychosomatic. This is real. My father did not care about seizure risk either. I made an earlier post about my father's actions back in 2018.

 

[Friday]

So this (painting) felt like a safe place to push back against the doomsday prep, because it’s entirely unrelated to the doomsday prep… and it still turned into a fight… is more the backbone of the issue?

Were you not expecting a fight, since it’s unrelated, (but your PTSD or his decided to blow up, anyway, because stress cup & the toilet paper roll is on backwards)… or were expecting, but thought you could handle a “normal” fight, since it’s unrelated to the end of the world?


(Excerpt below from the 2006 version of the PTSD Stress Cup!)

Many people with PTSD struggle to understand why they fly off the handle at such little things, i.e., the toilet roll is around the wrong way, someone walked in front of you, that stranger looked at you, etc etc. The reason is actually quite simple, and easier to show than often explain, why those with PTSD tend to get angry quicker, more easily, and faster than others at little stupid things.

 

[Flying Dove]

Friday you are right. I am beyond my limits. I think he is too. Not sure I was expecting a fight. I actually hoped when I wanted to paint he would be more accepting. I am struggling with pain from my past long term memories are re emerging of how I was raised and I see how it affected me. I have physical pain and it has increased today. I am struggling with my husband's ideology too. Thank you.

 

[Flying Dove]

My husband told me this am about some of the atrocities Hamasaki carried out on Israeli women Oct.7 2023. I did not ask for this info. I told him right away this really affected me. He ascribes Hamas actions as being taken over by the devil. I have learned through therapy neuroscience etc these behaviors may be taught and/ or learned. The power of agency is huge. It is more than making a choice. I did yell at him cry scream etc. No fight between us ensued. I changed my behavior. I am making calls regarding my healthcare doing laundry etc. But I am very affected not only by what he told me- the content- but that he did at all. I am feeling unsafe hopeless etc. I will be OK but thus is very hard.

 

[Nessa7]

Do you think that your husband brings up disturbing news to get a reaction out of you, or is he so obsessed that your feelings aren't a factor? Can you consider walking away from him whenever he brings up a topic that he knows will cause you distress?

 

[Sideways]

Mod Note:
@Flying Dove - I’ve merged your new thread about this with your existing thread, so that the developing issue is together. If you have any questions about that, hit us up at Contact Us

 

[Flying Dove]

Do you think that your husband brings up disturbing news to get a reaction out of you, or is he so obsessed that your feelings aren't a factor? Can you consider walking away from him whenever he brings up a topic that he knows will cause you distress?

Thank you Nessa 7. I have thought about this. I think it may be both. I have walk away from him in the past. Outside for a walk or short drive. I did not this am. Was trying to clean up breakfast dishes get myself ready as we were going to take our dogs to nearby enclosed area so they can run. I will have to set firmer boundaries. Somehow I think this trauma in our world has become normalized including with my husband perhaps as part of his doomsday thinking.

 

[Flying Dove]

Just looked at the atocities done by Hamas to Israeli women on oct.7 2023. My husband is a veteran . He was in Bosnia when similar atrocities committed. I think he wants to really protect me., I still do not like the doomsday focus