Rock And A Hard Place

[Megan]

I'm 25 years old and suffering from PTSD and major depression. :(.

I just feel like everything is changing and i"m staying the same. I feel like I have been the same since 2007 when the incident occurred and that everything else in life is going straight forward. I ran into some elementary school mates who all have kids and husbands/boyfriends. I am the same. No friends/no job. just my parents. The saddest part is that I can't seem to move on with my life.

In my mind, my life is already over. :(. I have no friends and since I haven't had any friends since high school I don't feel adequate in conversations or knowledge. I have no ambition to really go out to meet friends, because I don't like taking risks. :(. I am not really all that comfortable in my own skin or yet even showing skin. I'm always in long pants (or skirt) with a tshirt and a small cover jacket. :(. I just can't bare to bare skin (no phun intended).

I always feel like I should be doing something but there's nothing to do. I have transfered most of my grandpa's slides which is depressing a bit because I miss him so much. It's amazing what you findout about some one, but I know i have seen these slides before. To me, i don't remember him at all....It's like my 25 years fanished and i'm stuck in this new life not knowing what to do.

i know all people see and hear things differently so i am afraid i'll affend someone. That's practically how the incident occured. I just stood up against my college roommate who was a bully because she didn't get what she wanted. I only said a few words with only 1 curse word. and she goes and tells the cops that i came after her with a deadly weapon. I have been isolated ever since then from everyone except family/therapist. I have tried on multiple occassions to meet new people but it never works out.

But than again I don't know if i want to meet new people. At this time in my life I just seem i can't stand people at all, because they can ruin your life easily with only one word or action. I was always nieve and gave people chances but not now. I have one too many incidents where people lied to get what they wanted...like july, i was giving a ticket by a cop who had no sirens or lights on for apparently tailgating. I was not tailgating, but blasting my horn at a guy who was on the phone... so since she had no lights or sirens going i turned the corner and she met up with me and gave me the ticket. @ Court she said she had her lights on the entire time!!

So I don't know who to trust. I don't know whose who any more even with family. I have this sense of calm, but a sense of unreal and really happy "Upstairs" in the brain box that really doesn't have any interests. I just feel like my life is a waste and that there is no hope in the future. I can't see a future for myself, which scares me. I know it's going to be a long road, but i have been known to quit things when things got tough. :(...

 

[ThinkFeelBe]

The feeling of never winning. I feel is all about people who wont take responsibility for their own issues, and make people like your self and me suffer. I know how you feel to some degree. I feel so nieve about the world, that for someone reason, for sooo long, i just thought everyone wanted to be good. - I mean thats what I want to be. - is good.

Just remember that you are a important person in this world and that you know your rights and responsibilities in life for you. It's all so much harder said than done, I know- because it feels like never ending to me.

The way inwhich your wrote this tread, i know you are a good person. take care. xo

 

[Truckinjoan]

I know how you feel Megan. My relationship is ending and I don't have any other friends, I am not close to any family, I hate my job, and I am the biggest loser in the world.TJ

 

[mamachick]

Megan I know that when things happen like with your roomate, we loose a great deal of trust in others and some of us say "what is wrong with me that others would do such a thing". Those messages to ourself are not helpful though. We are all going to meet up with some people with some "crappy behavior" that we end up on the bad end of. I think that when that happens, some of us carry that with us, as if something is wrong with me, and we unconsciously fail in future relationships as a result.

I am sure you are a good person with good qualities and you need to remind yourself of them several times a day. When you become your own best friend, things will fall into place for you. It will not solve your trauma but can help with your depression and help you to realize the good valuable person you are. A little progress every day, a little success. Success is contagious. You may still run up against a cop with a ticket, but its ok, doesnt really matter what they say. Better to be happy than to be right.

Sounds like you have lost all interests. I know how difficult that is but its best if you can muster up ways to provoke your interests again-even if it means pushing yourself a bit. Hang in there.