Roommate

[ms spock]

my roommate has left him here and gone off to work

At this point your flatmate crossed the line that, in my eyes, means he gets kicked out. He chose to violate the boundaries
and do an incredibly unsafe thing - that is leave a stranger with a new Mother - a stranger that then tried to bully you
and undermine your Mothering abilities. I can tell you if my Mother had been 10% the Mother that you are I would not
have the serious mental health issues that I have now and I wouldn't have been sexually abused for 15 years of my
life.

You are to be commended!

 

[Casey_03]

Thank you guys. I don't know why I feel guilty any time I stand up for myself. I do the right thing and then feel such profound self-doubt and wonder if I'm crazy.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

You are not crazy at all. Repeat after me;;;;;;;;:hug:

 

[Friday]

Even if he was your flatmates best friend in the whole world, anyone who gives a parent shit about their parenting in their own home? Has just earned a boot out the front door.

 

[Casey_03]

I should also mention that I only have very tiny windows of opportunity to run to the ATM. It's not as if I had time to sit around and debate a plan of action or get to know this guy. It was like "Well, the baby is sleeping now and will probably only be sleeping for another 10 minutes, so it's now or never and I have to act." Seemed like the best thing to do, and the least dramatic thing to do, would be to ask the guy politely to wait outside. But he had to go and turn the whole thing into a spat about the ethics of motherhood.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

When my children were babies we had three quarters of an acre of farm and I had to go out and feed the horses, pick out their hooves and clean the stalls. I understand the reason why you had to leave like you wanted to. You did not put your baby at risk today so good for you.

 

[Friday]

As far as your flatmate goes? You said bloke could stay for 2 nights... But not unconditionally. This bloke who was a complete asshole to you was your flatmate's responsibility, not yours. He chose to leave him alone in the flat with you. He could have done 100 other things (if this was so important to him, stay home from work; or take the guy out with him & let him back in after he got off work), but no. He just walked off. HE is responsible for HIS guests.

If you're going to let flatmate stay, that needs to be said.

But he also earned himself a ticket out by his guest's behaviors towards you, and his complete disregard of his responsibilities. His choices have consequences. It's not crazy to enforce those consequences. Given the spineless lack of character your flatmate has demonstrated so far? Expect whining, blame shifting, and anger as he tries to weasle out of being held responsible & accountable for the consequences of his actions. Or lack thereof.

 

[Casey_03]

Yeah, my roommate just messaged to say he's moving out because of this. It kinda sucks, because I'll be having to pay quite a bit extra in rent now, but at least I won't have to worry about randomers in the house. It just bothers me because I don't see why he doesn't realize this is a problem. I'm being portrayed as the crazy, paranoid person for having what I think is actually quite a reasonable reaction.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I remember a time that my stepdaughters ex husband came over to our home and was very,very sick. We allowed him to spend the night, something I would not do now.....and when I had to leave I asked him to leave. I felt bad for the guy but knew enough back then not to leave a person I did not know very well alone in my home. Just to give you a point of reference. You did so very well.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

We crossed posts and I am so relieved that your roomate is taking it upon himself to move out or is he and this is just a ploy to gain more control over you? I do not know, but now you know that his friend went to him to complain and now you have two jerks giving you a very hard time? Good riddance to more pain and drama for you and plus you can get another flatmate in time to help out with the rent now. Maybe a female? Just food for thought.

 

[Friday]

It just bothers me because I don't see why he doesn't realize this is a problem.

You're not his mother. It's not your job to teach him how to be an honorable man.

Conversely, it can hardly be surprising when a dishonorable man acts with no integrity. He'll run his mouth and 2 kinds of people will hear him; those who are as dishonorable as he is who agree with him that you're crazy, and those who think he's a fool, and you're well rid of both him and his idiot friends. There's a third kind who will also hear; those who would have taken advantage of anyone stupid enough to put up with him. You WANT the reputation of not taking shit from idiots and losers. Every word they speak badly of you? Is a compliment.

 

[Casey_03]

Well, the other problem is that this roommate was a witness to a lot of stuff that happened with the baby's father when I was pregnant. I was hoping that I could rely on him for an affidavit if it gets to be a major custody battle, which it is shaping up to be. He had witnessed my ex do a lot of bad stuff, and would have been able to write an affidavit saying he personally witnessed these things. Now I can't count on him for that.