Said Goodbye

[NarcSis]

Today I said goodbye to my therapist of over 4 years, odd but she got all emotional and it made me extremely uncomfortable; mostly because I was guilty that I could not feel anything about it.

I have made arrangements to move to another therapist, so there is no current dilemma, but still.....

There was nothing. No emotion, no feelings, no sadness, regret or anything. Should there not have been some kind of emotional attachment or is this common?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Perhaps it's healthy?

I mean maybe in your mind you had firm boundaries with your therapist, and knew that one day things would end... And perhaps you kept her just as a therapist instead of a paid "friend" as unfortunately so many do.

Just my thoughts...

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((Medic)))))

Don't should on yourself. You feel what you feel, and it's ok.

You might have more of an attachment to another, who knows?

But it doesn't sound like there's anything 'wrong' there. I felt that way with previous T.'s...but my current one, I know I'm going to be sad when I'm all fixed. ;>

 

[Loner]

I'm not judging her, but it was kind of unprofessional of her to show her emotions like that. Perhaps you should just take it as a compliment that you elicit that kind of positive emotional response from people. (even if she was sad its still a positive response to you). I wish I could, I don't think anyone gives a damn about me.

I don't think you need to beat yourself up about it. Perhaps you do feel things even but dissociate from your emotions in times of intense feeling. I had to shoot my beloved dog not that long ago, my absolute best and really only friend I've ever had who was an AMAZING dog, really a rare and special creature, and I was completely emotionless in the moment because if I wasn't I would never of been able to do it at all.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I do not think there is anything wrong with you. You are learning and growing. It is nice that your therapist cared about you that much. But it is time to move on and you have to be true to yourself.

I remember the last time I quit therapy. I woke up one day and thought I am going to be in therapy the rest of my life. So I decided to quit. I chose to learn how to think for myself I got myself in some scrapes but I did learn how to think for myself. It was the best choice I made at the time.

There is nothing wrong with you because you were not emotional. This is a proffessional relationship where you pay the person for services. I am sad you are having thoughts and doubts about this one. You are doing great. This is what it means to be a grown up. Mabe someday you might miss her. I do not miss my therapist I had for so long. I think about her and wonder how she is and that is as far as I go. I have moved on.

I am wishing you the very best with the new therapist. I hope it helps and makes a big difference in your life. Big hugs.

 

[NarcSis]

Thanks everyone. I just hate it. It made me see that it's not only her - some days I do not feel any type of attachment to my husband or family members and that worries me. Some days I say "I love you" to my husband and it feels hollow, almost like I'm lying.

I know that she (my former therapist) is an emotional person, she has been brought to tears at times during my recounting how hard dealing with PTSD is for me and I know it's because she feels so deeply for others....which actually is a good thing, but it used to get me worried about her ability to detach from clients and her future in her field. I kinda did expect it from her, hence the reason I got her something as a 'going away' present.

If I could have narrated what was running through my mind, it was this, "Oh come on, cut the phony crap, I'm a patient, patients come and go all the time." You know when I walked out of her office, she was still wiping her eyes and as that door closed behind me I felt free. I don't know why.....no more her, no more emotional crap for a while, no more PTSD.....a break in confronting it and giving it "notice"?

Before my trauma there was a friend I had whom I dearly loved, she was motherly to me, she is 70 years old this year. We have kept in constant contact for over 20 years. Now, I haven't contacted her in months, we've missed our seasonal meet ups for lunch and although I feel guilt about it, I do not feel that closeness anymore, that need for her in my life. I don't understand.....okay, I do and I'm fighting it aren't I?

Is this emotional numbing? Anyone know? Does this mean something is wrong in my recovery? I'm worried.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Sometimes we outgrow people. It is not you. You do not have anything to be worried about. I think my sponser is outgrowing me. She used to keep in touch good. But I have not gone to any meetings in months. I think she is fading me out. That is what it feels like. It happens. I do not feel so bad. We were 2 very different people.

I think you are doing great. You feel what you feel. And feelings are neither right nor wrong. They just are. They are there as guides to us to take us to where we want to go. Big hugs.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think Gizmo is right. Sometimes we outgrow people. And unfortunately, oftentimes we don't outgrow one another at the same time/rate/etc. That's kind of how I feel about one of my friends. She wants to fight to be my friend, and I'm ready to move on even though I've known her for almost 20 years. Please don't feel bad for not having the same reaction as your T.

 

[BlueOrange]

The one who leaves a relationship has usually made up their mind and worked through the issues before communication their intention to the one who is left, who gets the information suddenly, and is more likely to react to it.

From your description of things, it seems that she probably was too emotionally involved with the issues you're dealing with to be able to deal with it professionally. It seems that she thought of you as a friend, not a patient. This also suggests that you might have misjudged her when you thought she was being phony for being upset.

Here's a challenge for you: Are you in the habit of thinking that people are being phony when they're not being phony? Is there anyone else you've talked about in this thread that might not be phony? How do you assess this stuff?