Saying goodbye to an office

[Deleted member 34328]

I guess I'm just posting because...

I had a session today. I had been told a couple of weeks ago that my therapist is leaving his current office. He will be relocating in a rented room... and doing more meetings with clients in other places. I'm not sure what his long term goal is, but when asked my opinion, I said immediately that public meetings would never work. Had to be an office and preferably always the same place. He already knew I would say that, but wanted to give me a choice regardless.

It was a different time and day than usual, so that made the session today feel very different, but the regular office is completely torn up as he will be leaving within another week. I thought I was a lot more flexible than this, but the more I thought about it, the more threatening this is becoming. He has always encouraged me to have a "safe place" in my home where I can always go to. That has never happened for various reasons. To me, loosing the office is so much more than just changing locations. It's the only safe place I've ever known, the only therapist I've ever had and everything feels gone. A sudden goodbye. It really felt like I wasn't just leaving an office. I was leaving him as well.

I wasn't prepared for how difficult this is. I really thought I was a lot more flexible than this.

Even more silly. Lights are a huge trigger for me. I was working on that a couple of years ago. He told me to buy a particular lamp and gave me the instructions for starting the process at home. I couldn't do it. I tried many times but just couldn't manage without a full panic attack.

His response was to just bring the lamp into the office and we would work together on it there. So I did. We have worked on it a couple of times, but many other obstacles have gotten in the way. Today, as he is packing up to leave, the lamp was out in the open and I would have to take it home with me. He can't take it to a new rented space. The space doesn't belong to him.

It was too much. He realized that and told me he would take it home for now. I could make arrangements to retrieve it or he would put it in a yard sale.

To me, that implies that the work still needs to be done, but I won't have the office or him to work it through with. All anticipatory anxiety, but realistic none-the-less. My next session will be in the new place.

Anyhow, could anyone share with me what transitions you've gone through and what thought process' helped to get you through?

 

[FauxLiz]

My current T has been in four locations since I started with him three years ago, I hate change and we have talked through the changes in location and appointment times/days for several weeks before and after. I won't tell you it's easy but you can get through this, don't try to force how you feel or what you work on in the new space and make sure that you take steps to take care of you after meeting in the new space.

 

[Friday]

To me, loosing the office is so much more than just changing locations. It's the only safe place I've ever known, the only therapist I've ever had and everything feels gone. A sudden goodbye. It really felt like I wasn't just leaving an office. I was leaving him as well.

On a positive note? It's about to change titles. Instead of the ONLY safe place you've ever known? It's going to be the FIRST safe place you'd ever known.

It may seem like a small thing. But instead of it's the only, and now it's gone forever? It was the first, and now part of your foundation for building others on, with you forever.

Anyhow, could anyone share with me what transitions you've gone through and what thought process' helped to get you through?

Too many transitions to list, but ^^^ piece, of taking the problem and turning it on it's ear? Reframing, looking for other sides to the equation, finding ways that let me have my cake and eat it, too? Very much a part of it.

 

[Nessa7]

I had my first appointment with a new therapist yesterday, and I think I had a harder time with being in a new location than anything else. I want to make positive associations while also letting myself feel negative things, too. There were some toys on her desk that automatically made me think of my aunt, and they caught my eye without me having to really focus in on them. I'm hoping to stay after my appointment for a meditation class sometime within the first month of sessions. I went for a nice walk and had very little stress getting there. I ate a good salad and had a nice waitress.

I was still totally overwhelmed last night and cried for a bit before bed.

If I was in your situation, I would be looking for things that were in the old office that he brought with him. Even if it is the same briefcase, it's still something that I would be able to look at when I am struggling to feel relaxed in the new space.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Instead of the ONLY safe place you've ever known? It's going to be the FIRST safe place you'd ever known.

Thank you. I honestly hadn't looked at it that way.

I do need to find positives. I mentioned to a friend that it's possible that because this office is where I started and still (have been) am, I've connected my T to the office and maybe that's partly why it really felt like it's over with him too.

He also pointed out that at this stage of therapy, it's a good time to be making this change. Life has it's changes and I'm now in a phase where I'm slowly moving out into real life. I need to learn to roll with the punches. This supposed to be a safe way to encourage that.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I had my first appointment with a new therapist yesterday, and I think I had a harder time with being in...

Thank you. You're right. I have made the assumption that there will be nothing familiar in this new place. I really don't want to change therapists, he doesn't have the option of keeping his office space, so I don't really have a choice but to adapt. Not a bad thing.

It was brought to my attention that changing the place will force us to work on our level of trust in this. He pointed out the obvious that it doesn't matter what office space you're in, if the real trust is missing then it won't work. I didn't think there was an issue.

I've been with him for 5 years. He knows me well. Maybe he's picked up on something that I'm not aware of.

 

[Muted]

My therapist hasn't moved locations, but both her and the location feel very safe for me. I'm not sure how hard it would be if she moved offices, I'm sure it would be an adjustment, but just her presence makes me feel safe.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

That's exactly it. He's always encouraged me to see the office as a safe place to go.

I've had issues come up over the last couple of years, but nothing we couldn't work through. It's only happened a couple of times, but I have gone to a session before only to realize that what I really needed was a safe place to go to with a safe person.

I guess that's a big part of why this so difficult. I haven't been in a very good place over the last month or so. I guess that plays a part of it.

Thank you so much for sticking by. Means a lot.

 

[Suzetig]

Wherever he works, he still needs to provide you with a safe, private meeting place and it'll be much easier for him from a business point of view if that's the same place and time. How would it be for you to take a break just for a week or two to let him get moved out and settled in the new place without you seeing all the disruption and moving chaos. To be honest he should really not have had the office is disarray for clients.

It's not at all unusual for clients to feel attached to a particular office or location - I know I'd really struggle if my T moved office because it's a safe place for me and holds a lot of my psychological "stuff". Do talk openly to him about what you need - it's his job to provide a safety contained environment for you both to work.

 

[barefoot]

My therapist has been in three different buildings (and five different rooms altogether) in the almost three years I've been seeing her. Each has taken some adjustment and I felt anxious each time about the change. Although there are some I have liked more or less than others, each has turned out to be fine.

The most recent move just a few weeks ago was weird in an unexpected way in that I'd spent ages wondering what the new room would be like and wondering if I would feel ok there. And when I walked in, it was pretty much exactly the same as the previous room - looks and feels like the old room, it's just a tiny bit bigger and doesn't have a fireplace. Same furniture, same layout, same art work, same shape room... And the communal areas in the building - stairs, loo, waiting room etc - are all much nicer. So, actually, this move has been very positive.

The recent move has also coincided with a bit of a shift in our work, so I have looked upon the environmental change as part of a broader transition as we start the next chapter of the work. And it has meant leaving a building where, yes, I was attached to it because it felt safe and familiar but I had also had bad episodes of severe dissociation, not being able to stand up, full-on shakes etc there. So, this change meant starting with a "clean" space, in a way.

So, there is perhaps something to be said for a new physical representing a shift or a fresh start if that is something that may resonate with you?

I agree with @Friday - reframing it so that you are not losing your only safe space but are instead finding a new one could be really helpful as it can help reinforce the message that it is possible for you to find other safe spaces.

For me, I think, the physical space is very important. But I think the key thing for me about feeling safe in the space...I think the therapeutic space in that sense is more about the relationship I have with my therapist, the energy/dynamic we create together, the container for the work (which is more than the physical container of actual walls, floor and ceiling etc but is much more about how my therapist holds the space) So, it helps me to think in those terms when I have a wobble about moving locations. In a way, *she* is my safe space more than the actual physical room.

That said, sessions would have to be held somewhere private for me to feel safe. If your therapist is suggesting meeting in a public place temporarily until he gets his new place sorted, I would personally hold off until the new private space is ready. I think that would be an odd thing for a therapist to do though - to move out of one office before the next one is ready and to expect clients to have sessions in public places? Is that actually what he is suggesting.

It can be hard to move on from places where we feel safe and attached and where things are familiar. But it is also possible to find that safety elsewhere and I hope your therapist's new place turns out to be somewhere that you can feel comfortable and secure even though it may take a little time for you to feel settled there.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I think that would be an odd thing for a therapist to do though - to move out of one office before the next one is ready and to expect clients to have sessions in public places? Is that actually what he is suggesting.

No, not really. He has offered the possibility to all his clients that meeting in a chosen public place be the new routine. It seems to be a popular choice for quite a few. Apparently he does have seasions with clients in public places simply because they are more comfortable in the open. That option simply isn't acceptable to me.

I won't be seeing him again for a couple of weeks. By then I do hope the new spot is fully ready. He is moving all of his own furniture, book cases, pictures etc... to his home since this space is rented by quite a few different people for different reasons. It is already fully furnished.

He says we do need to work more on our own trust relationship and this move will certainly allow for that. I'm not sure what he really means by that...I haven't felt a problem.

He did want to hear all of my concerns and thoughts on it. It doesn't change the outcome, but it does give him more insight into how different clients feel about it. I'm sure he will do whatever he can to help the transition. It's just a first for me.

 

[barefoot]

Ah, ok...well, it's good that public places thing was only an option for if you wanted it and that it's not a problem that you don't.

It sounds like you will have some familiar items in the new place, which may help the transition and enable you to feel more secure more quickly there.

I'm sure you are not the only client of his finding the thought of the new move challenging - I'm confident that he will be used to the fact that a location change can be a very big deal and very unsettling. So, as you say, I'm sure he will do whatever he can to ease the transition.

Might be worth you asking him what he means about needing to build more trust together. I think I would probably ask if I were you. Just to say though, him feeling that the pair of you could do more relationship/trust building together doesn't necessarily mean that he thinks there is a "problem".

Good luck - hope his new place is ready soon and that it turns out to be a good move for you.