Sexual Assault Scars

[Justmehere]

It's my understanding that having internal injury, especially permanent internal injury, after sexual assault, is uncommon. (This is what a doc told me, I'm not sure they are right.)

My doc told me yesterday something I've been told before - I have a years old internal injury from sexual assault that is causing me problems. I'm trying to have courage to deal with it. I feel so alone, so ashamed, so damaged. I am trying to convince myself it's just a injury and needs medical attention, it has nothing to do with shame. But even that, realizing there is another cost to what he did to me - it makes me feel so furious, so upset.

I do really like how my doctor handled it though. He was really gentle and kind in how he told me. I guess it helped to hear a guy in a position of authority and trust say I'm sorry for what another guy in a position of authority and trust did to me.

I am working really heard today to shut out the shame and not agree with the perpetrator that I'm worthless. I have an injury. I am scarred, in more ways than one, but I don't want to give up and hide in shame anymore.

It's still hurts.

 

[scout86]

You're not worthless.

The perp is the one who should be feeling shame. (He's probably not evolved enough to be capable of it.) I wish there was a way to make him pay, financially and otherwise.

Maybe this physical scar will turn out to be relatively easy to repair. I'm hoping! I don't see you as giving up or hiding for very long. I see you as a person who works hard to overcome this stuff and who hangs with it long enough to succeed.

 

[Casper1018]

I, too, have an internal injury/scaring that was noticed when I was pregnant years ago and went for my first "female" exam. When she asked about it, I was mortified that someone could "see" what someone had done to me. It forced a conversation I wasn't planning to have, but she was so kind and understanding throughout that pregnancy and another, that in hindsight, it was a blessing in disguise. She took extra time with everything, explained things, understood my nervousness, etc. I too, feel that shame at being damaged. Hoping that in time we both learn to believe we have nothing to be ashamed of.

 

[Sammyiam]

Just,
I am so sorry
We are all damaged if you can see or not it doesn't change who you are, it doesn't change that you are a kind amazing loved person and have many many friends on here, I wish I could take it away, the pain and shame are not yours, always remember that everyone on here thinks you are a courageous women or you wouldn't be on here with the rest of us. Please remember that we all think so much of you.

Sammy

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I am working really heard today to shut out the shame and not agree with the perpetrator that I'm worthless. I have an injury. I am scarred, in more ways than one, but I don't want to give up and hide in shame anymore.

I am glad you are trying really hard to remind yourself not to give up. You do not need to be ashamed, but I can only imagine how hard it is with this particular situation. Keep trying to overcome the feelings of shame and you will get there because you've already overcome so much.

 

[joeylittle]

@Justmehere, stay strong. I don't know how rare it is or not. I have a ton of scarring from the STD I had and left untreated, and some internal "irregularities", the gyno calls them. But I feel lucky not to be bothered by it physically except that I can't get pregnant.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. You didn't do this to yourself. And I hope that there's something they can do to help you heal so you can stop having to carry around the knowledge that it's there.