Thank you both so very much. I want to get better. I really want to change. PTSD is treatable. I just have to approach my treatment wholeheartedly. I try to see what I do differently post trauma. It seems I approach everything much differently. I have blamed almost every way of living that were not the culprits in my attack. There was only one person responsible, but yet I have anxieties over numerous things and persons now.
Being stuck infront of a computer isn't really enjoyable. I miss reading books. My roomate has so many. I always wish I had the ability to open one up and read, but something happens when I do that I do not like very much. Its hard to explain. I miss learning in school. I miss it so very much. It seems odd, but I lose focus when I am studying because of fear of both succeeding and failing. I keep trying though, because I want to fail gloriously. It would better than failing miserably.
I find joy in many things. I just don't always feel safe doing them. I like old school music. That always perks me up. I am telling you Jimi Hendrix, the Beatles, Frank Sinatra...etc they will fix you up. I will find new things. Perhaps, I can rediscover older things too. I just get so very scared or angry when I try.
